<p>Attending a T15ish LAC and will be entering my Sophomore Year. I'm not much of a partier, nor a drinker, but it seems that the atmosphere at my school surrounds those two things. I feel very uncomfortable in small tight settings or large gatherings where majority of the other students are wasted out of their minds, making out/hooking up/having sex with complete strangers, and gyrating on one another at dances.</p>
<p>I love going to the movies, seeing concerts, heading to museums, going out to see the city (my college is in the middle of nowhere), going to theme parks, the beach, rollerblading, ice-skating, etc. But it seems like the oppurtunity never arises for me to do those things. There's either a financial or transportation constraint, but most of all it seems like most people on campus have accepted the hook-up culture and rarely try to deviate from it. Every weekend night is the same: drink until your wasted and/or hook-up. It's fun every once in a while, but I've gotten sick with it. The only alternative is to stay in my dorm and watch tv shows/movies. I"m not anti-social, I'm fairly sociable, I just don't take to drunken hookups, it all feels far to superficial and stifling to me.</p>
<p>Worst of all, I'd hoped I might be able to get into a serious relationship this year. Now that idea seems unlikely. The only lasting relationships at my school (a rariety) are with those who decided to consistently hook up and made it work, but those are a dime a dozen and I don't see myself ever submitting to the culture. I'm much rather get to know a guy really well for a while and then go from there without it escalating to anything physical/sexual.</p>
<p>Is there anything I can do about my weekend nights?</p>
<p>Well it seems like a lot of the partying/drinking/hooking up is because you live in the middle of nowhere with little transportation. I am also going to assume that your school could be quite expensive so people want to try to do fun things on a budget…i.e. just buy alcohol and call it a day.</p>
<p>You definitely can’t change the culture of your school but in any case, I would suggest trying to find people that stay around in the dorms as well. If you are living in the dorms again this upcoming school year, there will definitely be people that will try to stay in the dorms because they haven’t gotten into the party atmosphere. These people may be willing to accompany you to places that interest you or they may be able to suggest things to do that isn’t drinking/partying/hooking up.</p>
<p>So just try to be as social as you can the first few weeks and stick to your guns by saying you’re really not into partying anymore and you should be able to find a couple people who agree with you.</p>
<p>As far as the relationship thing, people really aren’t interested in serious relationships until the last year or two of college, so you will probably have to switch your mentality to “just having fun or meeting new people” until everyone’s maturity catches up to yours.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
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<p>Because complaining about others and looking down on them is maturity :rolleyes:</p>
<p>You should be able to find others who are like you. If you actually tried, it’d probably be pretty easy. Just go out and try to find others who don’t party/drink/hook-up/whatever-else-you-don’t-like.</p>
<p>No matter what the school culture, a group of friends with the same mindset can do wonders for your social life. I’m sure there are other people at your school with the same desire to do something other than going to a party every weekend, and it’s just taking you a while to find them. See if there are other people hanging around your dorm that would be up to dong something else. Try to join a club that your interested in or that does a lot of socials (or any sort of group activities). There may be clubs that go on food runs or have weekend trips to local places, and there are often at least a few students with cars who are willing to drive. Instead of waiting for opportunities to magically appear, ask people if they want to get something to eat or go see a movie. </p>
<p>With regards to financial barriers, try to find free things to do. There are often student discounts at movie theaters or local attractions. For the transportation issue, see if anyone who has a car would be up for doing something on the weekend with a small group, and offer to pitch in for gas. Perhaps you could rent a zip car, if that’s available near you? Or if your close enough to something you want to do or somewhere you want to be, a group of you can pitch in for a cab ride. Is there any sort of public transportation that you can use?</p>
<p>Once you start doing things, it’ll become easier and easier to find a group who wants to do something and to find a way to make it happen. In my experience, the thrill of parties usually dies down as students get older, and more people may be looking for other things to do.</p>
<p>With relationships, just wait it out. You don’t need to actively seek out a long Tm relationship while you are in college. Being around people you have common interests a lot usually helps you meet people that you click with. Don’t be in any particular up rush about it.</p>
<p>At a T15-ish LAC, there should be plenty of kids in the library on Fri/Sat nights. (One of my kids did that.) There should be plenty of kids involved in other things than partying. Watching tv in the dorm seems like opting out of finding them. You have options.</p>
<p><a href=“my%20college%20is%20in%20the%20middle%20of%20nowhere”>quote=AlexaBelle</a>
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There you go. That’s the problem. Drinking culture is really big at rural colleges. If you are not a drinker, transfer to any urban university.</p>
<p>I unfortunately won’t be able to transfer to any institution with a similar academic reputation so it seems I’m stuck here.</p>
<p>Does anyone know how I might go about finding similar people like me who don’t party/drink often? Because that’s what has always been my issue, it seems like there are few…my school is fairly small.</p>
<p>join clubs/take classes with those interests. I’m sure there are art history and visual arts students going to museums on a regular basis. Is there a college radio station? Boom, concerts.</p>
<p>You could also try one of the religion affiliated groups for your respective religion as I’m sure they’re more likely to plan sober events that don’t focus on premarital sex.</p>
<p>There are a lot of resources available at top schools like yours to support students in many ways and you are certainly not alone in your experience adapting to college life. Lots of students find themselves struggling from time to time. If you haven’t already, I urge you to reach out to real people in your life rather than just these message boards for advice. </p>
<p>Is there maybe a dean of students or a staff person in that role for your class at your school who might give you ideas about how to cope and where to turn? Are you close to your parents and could they offer support?</p>
<p>Joining clubs can be a way to meet new people. They often have socials and things that are more like doing a food run or whatever. If your dorm has a common area, you can try hanging around there instead of in your room. You can also find a job where you work with a lot of other students. If you’re in the sciences, you could work in a lab as well, where you might meet more grad students who aren’t really interest in parties. Invite people you meet to try this new restaurant or see a movie. Or you can make a study group for one of your classes and then invite people to go on an ice cream or snack run. The key really is that you have to be proactive about it. You can’t wait for them to find you, especially if your’re cooped up in your room all the time.</p>
<p>You might push for your student activities organization to organize a cheap bus trip to the nearest city for some different activities.</p>
<p>^My school does offer this every month to near by cities like Boston, the hard part is finding people and things to do there.</p>
<p>That sounds like a great way to get off campus and spend some time with people. Look at city guides or for other fun things to do in the cities that the trips are to. Try to find discounts or even great stores/restaurants to check out. Ask around your dorm or your friend group to see if anyone’s interested in doing something in particular. Try to meet new people in any of the ways people have suggested above and ask if they’re interested. Or just go on your own. Maybe you’ll meet some people on the trip or perhaps if you come back with great stories, people will be more interested in going with you next time.</p>
<p>I’m finding this hard to believe.
Top 15-ish? Busses to Boston, nothing to do.</p>
<p>^Well, I have a hard time maintaining friendships, and as the semester goes by I gradually lose touch with some friends. I wouldn’t say it’s a lack of oppurtunities, but more of a lack of friends to do them with. I’m fairly quiet and keep to myself. I’d like to propose trips and things but I’m not exactly the “go-to” girl for a fun time, or the social butterfly, or the chatter box. I have a solid friend group, but mostly because my best friend is within it, I’m not as familiar with the others and I don’t seem to click perfectly with them. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not an entertaining, or charismatic person to go out to these things with people. But going alone would be far worse. And when I’m with my friend circle, I tend to fade in the background, alot.</p>
<p>I get that you don’t necessarily feel comfortable proposing trip ideas and that the idea of stepping outside of your comfort zone is intimidating. But if you’re really unhappy with the environment that you are in now, then that’s what you have to do. You have to step outside of yourself and invite others to do things. The only other option, really, is to just carry on the way you’ve been going, and hope that something else happens. It helps if you do things that you would enjoy but that lend themselves to conversation topics in and of themselves. Going to the movies or concerts are great, because you don’t necessarily have to talk that much, and then afterwards, you have a built in conversation topic. Going somewhere specific (like a museum, aquarium, or something like that) or doing some sort of specific activity (I’ve found that going paintballing certainly lends itself to built in conversation topics) can help, so you don’t feel pressured to make idle chit-chat. If you like ice skating and someone in your friend group doesn’t know how to ice skate, it can be fun for the rest of you to teach them (at least in my experience). </p>
<p>What about your friend group? Are they interested in doing things other than partying during the weekends? I get that you’re shy and don’t feel comfortable proposing things, but confidence and comfort with groups comes with time and practice.</p>