Anyone up for...

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>reading & grading an essay? Thanks in advance.</p>

<p>Prompt: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<hr>

<p>Sometimes, going through life, it seems like even when we work hard, things don't seem to be getting any better. However, upon looking back a few hundred years, and comparing what life was like back then with our lives now, it's quite apparent that life is, indeed, changing for the better. This is especially obvious in the arenas of medicine and equal rights. The world is definitely changing for the better.</p>

<p>Several hundred years ago, getting sick or wounded was a dismal propsect. Even the mildest case of the flu, or the most miniscule scrape could be fatal. Before the innovations in modern medicine that we enjoy today, even mild maladies could lead to untimely and gruesome death. The idea of hygiene was unheard of, so infections were abundant. Before Louis Pasteur's discovery of antibiotics, bacteria-born illnesses were incurable. There were no vaccines, so a case of polio or any other viral disease was always a threat. In contrast, our medical woes nowadays are radically different. Great care is exercised to avoid infections, and scientists and doctors have conquered a plethora of illnesses, through the use of either cures or preventatives measures. As time progresses, the world of medicine is only getting better.</p>

<p>Furthermore, from the point of view of a woman, someone of African descent, a child, or a member of any other of the countless groups that have historically faced discrimination, the world is definitely changing for the better. People are incessantly working dauntlessly to achieve equal rights, so over time, the world is gradually changing for the better. In the United States, for example, before the nineteenth century, black people were considered nothing more than property. Women were not granted suffrage until 1920. Even today, new antidiscrimination measures are put in place every day.</p>

<p>In conclusion, the world undoubtedly is changing for the better. In every aspect of life, particularly medicine and equal rights, steps are gradually being taken to bring our world ever closer to being the best place it can be. Generations and generations of people work hard, and in the end, the world changes for the better.</p>

2

<p>I was always told never to use the phrase "in conclusion". in my opinion it just kills an essay</p>

3

<p>4/6 need better introduction.</p>

4

<p>Some awkward phrasing and grammatical/syntax errors. Other than that, you make a clear argument, so probably 4 or 5.</p>

5

<p>"I was always told never to use the phrase "in conclusion". in my opinion it just kills an essay"</p>

<p>Oh no... I use that in every single essay :( ... is there anything better to replace that with?</p>

<p>mikenthemaddog66 - I agree that the intro was kinda bad... but how could I make it better?</p>

<p>Thanks everybody... anyone else?</p>

6

<p>I'm going to give this essay 4/6 and if I did holistic grading, it will be around 6-8. Here is why your essay isn't best and I also included how to fix this problem.</p>

<ol>
<li>Your introduction is very weak. Remember that SAT grader spends about 3 minutes reading an essay so the first impression is a big issue. Your introduction definitely didn't do a best job although I'm positive that you can do much better.</li>
</ol>

<p>Solution: Start with famous saying or something that can "hook" the reader. These "hooks" can be found in many prep books so I'm not covering which one that you should use.</p>

<ol>
<li>Your 3rd paragraph can definitely be stronger. I really liked your second paragraph. It is very clear with your example of Louis Pasteur. But your third paragraph is very confusing. First, you talked about black people and suddenly, you ended with women. Although you can combine them for issue of discrimination, they're two different issues.</li>
</ol>

<p>Solution: Maybe divide those two issues into two separate paragraphs. For instance, you could talk about Frederick Douglas about black people and maybe Lucy Stone about women.</p>

<ol>
<li>Try to replace other word than "in conclusion." This is too much cliche-styled word. I'm not sure what alternatives you want. Google them and you should get decent amount.</li>
</ol>

<p>Solution: Included with problem.</p>

<p>So, I'm pretty positive that your essay can improve to 5/6 easily. You just need to make your reasons stronger. I'm not sure about 6/6 because I never got that score yet. But really, 10/12 will be good enough for Writing if you have high MC score.</p>

7

<p>Thank you so much. That was really helpful.</p>

<p>Would it be ok to start my concluding paragraph just by saying "The world is changing for the better" and then explaining it?</p>