Anyone willing to help finalize my essay?

<p>Just a disclaimer, I am not some top 25 schools student. I consider myself an average student whose goal is to get into the best possible school that my grades and extracurricular activities will allow me. To get a good idea of the type of student I am, my reach schools consist of NYU and Northeastern while target schools include schools like Fordham, Stony Brook, TCNJ, etc,. If any one is willing to help out a student who is just as eager to get into college as everybody else here, that would be fantastic!</p>

<p>Anyway, can somebody read through and comment on my essay? It is the personal statement for commonapp. After finding a topic I felt passionate about, I went too in-depth and made my essay 1300 words. I have cut it down to about 650 and feel it is around complete, but would like to know what other aspects I should emphasize and whether or not I'm hitting the right notes.</p>