<p>I'm worried it might be too cliche and I'd like some suggestions. You don't have to have background knowledge of marching band, but if you do, that's cool too. I have an excellent AP Literature teacher who stresses the importance of conveying what you will contribute to the college, and I'm not sure this essay does that, or how to weave that part in. I won't be posting it publicly on the forums but I'll PM it to people who are willing to read it.</p>
<p>I don’t read essays for anyone except my own kids. 
But something you need to think about is how the essay reveals something about YOU and your personality, and how it makes the colleges want to have you on campus. Fundamentally, your essay shouldn’t be about band, but about something you can show about yourself in the context of band. (I was a band geek myself back in the day, I do get how consuming and fun it is!). But make sure you are “showing” yourself via specific stories or examples. If you think it is cliche, then it probably is. And your challenge is to find a story to tell within the context of the band experience.</p>
<p>Thanks intparent for the great advice. I think I have the beginnings of what you’re saying because I wrote about my leadership position in band (pit captain), but now I know how to elaborate :)</p>