UC Essay #2, really need outside advice.

College Essays
1

<p>I wrote my 'experience that has affected you bla bla bla" essay on my experience with marching arts activities, specifically marching band and drum and bugle corps. It's really difficult to explain these things to people who are outside of the culture, but it's a HUGE part of who I am, so I feel I need to write about it.</p>

<p>Anyone who would be willing to tell me if I'm explaining things well and just give a general critique of my essay would be extremely welcome.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

2

<p>I'll read it if you post it or message it, I'm applying to a UC and can understand the essay ordeal</p>

3

<p>Anyone else, please?</p>

4

<p>i'll read it. if you're looking for someone outside the 'marching' culture, i fit entirely. XD</p>