My son is a great kid. Runs cross country, plays baseball, skis and has a decent group of friends. Not involved in much in school beyond that except for a few basic clubs. He has always been a good student at a very well regarded public HS. Thai year he is taking 2 AP’s and 1 honors class. First term he had straight A’s (we do 4 terms a year). His overall GPA is a 3.9 (uw). We are hybrid, 2 days in, 1/2 day zoom and 2 days remote where they are pretty much on their own Second semester started and he just completely shut down. Stopped doing almost any work. Says he is too tired to go to school and often doesn’t go. Frequent migraines. He just got diagnosed with Lyme but we think it is more than that. He does have some depression but this is way beyond anything we have seen. Nothing seems to motivate him. Can’t tell if it’s the hybrid model that is just not working for him or the Lyme or depression or something else. He has always talked about going to a good college but seems to be throwing all that away now. He’s now in a program in the school where they help him get organized but he actually needs to show up and do some work in order for it to be helpful.
Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing something similar with their junior? Any suggestions? He does see a therapist and is on antidepressants as well as an antibiotic for the Lyme. He does have a small bubble of friends he sees regularly so he is not totally isolated socially and we ski frequently so he does get exercise. Starting to wonder if repeating jr year or moving him to a private school to repeat might be an option but obviously we have to get to the root cause before making any decisions for next year. We just feel like he is going to regret not doing well and really limiting his college options. And afraid that he will blame us for not doing more to help him when we are at a loss as to what else to do. He is not suicidal.
I’m sorry to hear your son is having a hard time. It’s only been a couple of weeks, right? It seems too early to be thinking about big changes such as school changes or that his college choices have dramatically changed based on the past two weeks.
I would start with the health conditions…the Lyme and migraines and check in with doctors to see if there is more that can be done, or maybe some medication adjustments. Has he seen his therapist since this downswing in his mood and behavior? Check in with school, too. My son is a sophomore, but struggles with hybrid, and his teachers have been excellent in providing ideas and assistance and more oversight.
It is so difficult to see our children struggle. As I am sure you recognize, it is most important to address your son’s mental and physical health.
If I were you I would not worry about school. He is an excellent student and clearly doing the best he is capable of under the circumstances. Colleges will certainly understand a downswing in one term due to Lyme disease, migraines, etc. Pulling him from school, changing to private school or having him repeat junior year probably will not help and could very well make things worse.
Does your son’s pediatrician feel that he/she can help get the Lyme symptoms under control? Perhaps a specialist would be more helpful? Someone who can also help with pain management for the migraines? Also, does your son’s psychiatrist feel that his antidepressants may need to be adjusted?
Does your son like his therapist? Do you also have a good rapport with the therapist? Perhaps adding an additional session per week would be helpful? Or, perhaps family therapy to help keep the lines of communication open? A therapist may help hone in and help your son figure out and express what he needs to make school more palatable (dropping a class, extra study hall?) and also what he needs to feel better emotionally. Work with his guidance counselor too so everyone is on the same page.
Best of luck. This may take time to improve. I don’t want to be alarmist but please research the signs of suicidal ideation just in case.
Not a junior but my oldest son has been inpatient mental health this year. Our 8th grade neighbor just got out of inpatient mental health as well.
I would not have him repeat the year. He will get into a “good” college just fine. His college options will not be that limited.
Hes struggling mentally and physically right now. I would be more worried about him blaming me as a parent if I was remaining to have high expectations of him.
I think it might be the lyme. My youngest had it and it was caught early. Kiddo barely moved and had aches and pains for months.
There are some online lyme organizations that offer help and lots of medical information ( Doctors who specialize in Lyme, for example). They also have some info on natural remedies.
I hope you can get in contact with a specialist. We have two family friends whose kids have had Lyme. One had to drop out of college for a semester and the other caught it earlier and has issues but they are manageable. It’s a pretty serious disease. Will be taken seriously in the “Lyme” community and isn’t taken that seriously by those who treat it simply with antibiotics, IMHO.
Don’t have him repeat a year. I don’t think that will get him anything and it will take him away from his current friends/support structure. If you want to think along these lines, maybe do a post-grad year at a boarding school instead. And never forget that once he’s in college he can always transfer. The most important thing now, though, is for him to concentrate on self-care and good habits.
If you haven’t already, call his GC today and arrange to have a 504 evaluation meeting based on the Lyme and Migraines. Gather all the diagnoses paperwork and ask for a recommendation letter from each of his doctors, including their suggestions of recommended accommodations. It can cover things like additional test time (it’s hard to concentrate when in pain), auditory software (it may be easier for him to listen than to read on a laptop?), testing in a room with less fluorescent lighting, and extended time for papers and projects. It may give him a little cushion to help him recover and get through the rest of the semester. You can re-evaluate in the fall.
Lyme is serious. My husband has been battling it for 8 years now (it took 3 years for a proper diagnosis), and he’s had to deal with severe aches and pains, headaches, neuropathy, digestive issues, depression… you name it.
I would suggest finding a specialist through ILADS (https://www.ilads.org/). They know how to properly treat Lyme, and are up on the latest treatments for it. It really isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. Everyone responds differently to the various treatments available.
Good luck to your son! I hope he can beat it soon.
Sorry to hear about your son. I just want to point out that Lyme can be very serious. Years ago, my admin was diagnosed with Lyme, and within weeks, went from a young and happy 26 yo getting ready for her wedding to being in a wheelchair unable to walk. More recently, a girl in our town suffered years of depression and general weakness until she was finally diagnosed with Lyme. It took a couple more years of treatment for her to recover. I would recommend that you put all your efforts into getting your son proper treatment for Lyme. A delay of a year or so in attending college isn’t that big of a deal.