Appeal admission. help!

Colleges and Universities A-Z Cal Poly Pomona
1

may someone help edit my appeal for admission to cal poly pomona. what to take out and what i can add to improve. please and thank you

To whom it may concern,
I am writing this letter of appeal due to my denied admission as a transfer to attend Cal Poly Pomona. My application was declined on February 15 2017, and the reason given was because of my below average gpa of 1.98. The stated gpa I included in my application was before I had done an academic renewal application(Southwestern College) and my semester grades were processed. Since then my grades have been improved significantly with a grade point average of 2.46.
I would like to explain my extenuating circumstances. The year of 2014 and 2015, I had faced the most difficult semesters. As a consequence my grades and academic performance suffered. My brother passed away suddenly and unexpected due to a drunk driving accident. Due to his death, it was extremely difficult to focus in school which led me to fail a majority of my classes. I had to help organize his funeral and started working to help my parents pay for the funeral funds. After a few months of the incident, my family was sued for my deceased brother causing the car accident. It was physically and mentally exhausting, no matter how hard I tried to do well in school during those times, it was not fitting for me. Through this experience I learned to be able to gain a more strict work ethic and to never give up. I am happy to say that I meet the minimum admissions requirements. This has enabled me to never give up and to not take opportunities for granted.
I thank you for your time to reconsider my application as a transfer student to Cal Poly Pomona.

2

:-S

3

Give it a shot. The content is good, conveys the facts. Just proof it again for grammar. I’m sorry for your loss.

4

Appeals, if granted, are usually granted if there has been a significant error on the part of the school or something was missed. If you didn’t get academic renewal done before you applied, then its kind of hard to go back. The requirements are strict:

Also, the average GPA noted for incoming transfers is listed as 3.11. It is a competitive school. https://www.cpp.edu/~aboutcpp/calpolypomona-overview/facts-and-figures.shtml

I tried not to tweak your letter too much so reread what I’ve edited:

*I am writing this letter of appeal because of my denied admission as a transfer to Cal Poly Pomona.
My application was rejected on February 15 2017, and the reason given was my below average gpa of 1.98. The stated GPA included in my application was sent before the academic renewal was completed. Since then, my grade point average was calculated at 2.46.

I would like to explain my extenuating circumstances. In 2014 and 2015, I faced the most difficult years. My brother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly as the result of a drunk driving accident. I helped organize his funeral arrangements and started working to help my parents pay for the funeral funds. As a consequence, my grades and academic performance suffered and were adversely impacted.

It was extremely difficult to focus in school which resulted in my failure of a majority of my classes. It was physically and mentally exhausting, no matter how hard I tried to do well in school during those times, it was not working for me. Additionally, a few months after the accident, my family was sued for my deceased brother’s role in the accident.

Through this experience, however, I learned to gain a strict work ethic and to never give up. This has enabled me to not take opportunities for granted. I am happy to say that, after your review, you will note that I meet the admissions requirements for acceptance.

I thank you for your time in reconsidering my application as a transfer student to Cal Poly Pomona.*