This topic is meant to be an April counterpart to the “March Madness” thread. All decisions are in and students and parents are occupied with weighing the merits of various schools, considering all financial offers, and planning additional visits in some cases. Whether you already have decided on a school for next year or not, feel free to post about where you are in the process and any questions you have.
DS, a VP major, has it down to Hartt and UNC School of the Arts. Schools down here are pretty inexpensive; as in, tuition’s $6500 a year or so at most of the UNC schools. On the flip side, they’ve got almost no merit money. The $1,000/year offered is actually quite generous. Still about $10K to live on campus, though.
However, he’s in love with Hartt. Seriously. He spent a day in classes at each school, and he likes both, but he says Hartt’s The One. He was offered about 40% of tuition as a merit scholarship, but we’re still waiting on the Financial Aid Office for the rest of the package. Rumor has it those letters get sent this week coming.
Our concern? Hartford’s waaaayyyy far from home. We’ve got some family there, but DS gets killer migraines, the kind that have actually put him in the hospital as an inpatient twice and the ED admissions people at the Children’s Hospital know who we are. (Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing.) Botox, started this winter, is really helping, but DH is especially worried. S has been trained on how to handle himself in a hospital system, so I’m for giving it a shot. I think being somewhere he’s excited about will make a difference, too.
Have I mentioned he’s an only? Good grief.
So, where I am is, “Is Hartt worth the extra money and stress having a kid far, far away and in a private school?” The safer choice isn’t awful, but I hate to clip his wings… What do you all think?
March was a long month, but I still can’t believe it’s April already! Here is where we stand now that all decisions and awards are in:
Applied to: 7
Accepted to: 6 (accepted to all 7 music schools but denied at one stats/rigor focused U)
Ruled out: 2
Top contenders: 2
We are hoping S can rule out the other two soon and leave us with just the two top schools so I can make definitive spring break plans (or not). We would only need to visit one of the top two again, I think, and it’s within easy driving distance.
@whyyesheisabass I can understand why distance would be a concern in your case but it sounds like you have prepared him well. Mine is an only also, so I get where you’re coming from! How are you feeling about the impending empty nest?
I’d love to hear more about how other families are navigating the decision process.
@classicalsaxmom I would love to be in your shoes right now and have more schools eliminated, but we don’t at all.
There are six schools on the list right now. (Applied to 9, accepted to 8, eliminated two so far). Two remaining didn’t offer enough aid. If one of them emerges as the number one choice, we will appeal, so we are keeping the unaffordable options on the table because it doesn’t hurt to ask, right?
We will are going to visit the one school to which he sent in a recorded audition, and one other school because we had to get in and out for that audition and don’t feel we have enough information to make a good evaluation. He has a good sense of the other schools on the list right now, as far as anything we would need to visit to clear up. We are working on a list of questions for each school to send off this week.
The last school visit will be on April 21, so I don’t see us having a decision before then. Three more weeks. 
@classicalsaxmom Glad I’m not alone with empty nesting. I’ve been reminding myself regularly that there was, in fact, life before parenthood. How’s it going for you?
@whyyesheisabass I think my H will have a harder time with the empty nest than I will, actually! I will miss my nightly concerts (i.e. S’s practice sessions) and having music in the house, so I’m planning to refresh my own piano skills - I had 7 years of lessons as a kid but nothing since middle school. But now that we have a piano in the house, why not? I am feeling very thankful for all the technologies that will help us stay in touch, allow us to live stream concerts wherever he ends up, etc.
@BassTheatreMom I hear ya. We were able to eliminate one school that suddenly seemed a whole lot less appealing to S on audition day and another where he likes the prof/studio but wasn’t crazy about the school overall (the audition visit confirmed those feelings). I agree you shouldn’t rule out the unaffordable options just yet.
@whyyesheisabass (great name btw), I have a middle child a plane ride away who has had some health issues. I’ve visited pretty frequently to check in. Some visits have been last-minute, because it’s difficult to predict if a crisis is brewing. I don’t know much about migraines but would setting up medical/psychological support beforehand be helpful? It might need to be outside the school as many schools’ services are short-term only.
@drummergirl You’re making it work with your middle, and that’s really encouraging. I’m going to have to find a pain or headache specialist for him this summer and get with the insurance to keep them happy and in a paying mood. Lol, anyone know of anyone good in/around Hartford? I’m hoping things like FaceTime will keep me from having to get there in a hurry. Migraines are stinky, but at least his safety’s not really at risk.
@whyyesheisabass, it would’ve been easier on both of us if I’d found better medical support there. I was fortunate that I could go when needed. I’ll check in with some folks I know in the Hartford area to see if they can recommend anyone. Just in case you all decide on Hartt!
I have two comments that I hope can be helpful in parenting your newly-minted adult child.
1.) You can’t say what your kid will do or won’t do on his own at college. It’s not fair to pre-judge. He deserves your faith unless he has demonstrated that you truly can’t trust him. Don’t let your fears determine his future.
2.). You can have true concerns, particularly medical issues, that require a little more planning and discussing than pure faith in him. And that’s OK too.
In other words you let him know that you have faith in him away at college IF he’s willing to do a, b and c AND keep open communication with you. And if you are funding any part of the tuition you can state that you’ll pay to financially support good grades and good health. If either slip there will need to be a discussion about taking a break etc. Not as a punishment but as an honest conversation about what’s working and not working.
If he’s unwilling to work with you and medical professionals beforehand maybe he should stay closer to home. But if you can express your concerns (and maybe he has fears too) and work through a game plan, your family may get to the comfort level you need for him to go away - or maybe he’ll choose to stay closer.
It is very important as they go off to college to involve them in desicions and let them know you believe in them. They will question themselves greatly during college and a parent’s faith in them is crucial.
Another thing to consider is a Health Care Proxy and Durable Power of Attorney. Accidents happen and this article really made me think!
@songbirdmama (Love the name!) Really glad you mentioned that. @bridgenail You’re right, and it’s good to hear you voice it. What I know, intellectually, to be true can be buried when emotion gets engaged, and chances are, those of us new to parenting adult children need to hear from you who have pulled it off. With the Botox making a difference and his experience (Even when he’s in awful pain, I’ve made him recite his meds, allergies, get his IV rescue meds ordered, etc. in ER.) I think he’ll be OK. Or at least OK-ish.
So, who else is sending kids way off? Are you good with it? Empty nesting? Sweating aid packages to schools kids are dying to go to? Like me, all of the above?
Can margaritas be sent virtually? If so, the blender’s running, y’all are invited.
No salt, please.
@whyyesheisabass My husband grew up with a not great childhood and chose to go to college as far from home as possible, which for him meant Texas. But he was a very poor kid from NJ, didn’t fit in and had no money to go home to visit. I went to the big state U an hour and a half from home because all my friends did. I was an excellent student and NMF. I could have gone anywhere but didn’t think of it myself and no one suggested maybe I should spread my wings a little.
So guess what? I want S to take the very best opportunity presented to him without regard to location, and my husband wants him to stay as close to home as possible, even if it means a lesser opportunity.
So yes, I’ll take my margarita in a big glass, please.
@whyyesheisabass I sent you a PM.
whyyesheisabass I am also sending you a PM.
Anyone with migraines should register with the disabilities office and get accommodations. Migraines can really affect cognitive function, sometimes for a few days after, and even without a headache. Unlike other health issues, migraines also require that the brain rest in order to recover- much like seizures. Extra time on assignments, excused absences, single room, reduced course load and addressing blinking or fluorescent lights are examples. Also, get tuition refund insurance. I know one young woman who sometimes watched lectures on tv as an accommodation when needed.
It may be wise to let your son decide on this one, if you can afford either choice. If it doesn’t work out, at least he will have tried. But chances are there are ways to make it work out.
Congrats to him for these acceptances. Migraines and all!
I second @compmom’s advice, and agree it’s so helpful to register with the school at the start and not wait until there’s an issue. Although I do think accommodations are somewhat trickier to apply in arts coursework, where so much of the work is ensemble-based, or peer-critiqued etc, and requires hours of studio time or rehearsal.
I hesitated to say that, drummergirl, but you may be right in saying that health challenges can be more problematic in some ways at a conservatory/music school. The days and evenings are very full, whereas, at a college or university academic program, you go to class maybe once or at most twice a day and are free the rest of the time. However, the academic workload at the latter can involve a lot of reading and writing, and reading in particular can be a migraine trigger, as can academic stress in general. So I am not really sure whether a BA or BM environment is harder: I guess most situations are hard with migraines…
Smaller conservatories may not be up to par with staffing to administer accommodations. Hartt, as part of U. of Hartford, should be fine with that, but it is worth checking out. And how far is the health center from the Hartt building?
I can’t emphasize enough how much accommodations can help a student get through school with migraines and other health issues. Some schools have peer support groups as well.
I took a tour of Hartt last month and was very impressed by their facilities. I wish it was a little closer to us as do I wish Cleveland was closer too! I do think that he would be in good hands there.
Thank you, @yourmama99 ! BTW - I grew up east of Cleveland, in Geauga county. Are you sending one to CIM?