<p>Swimcatsmom is 100% correct. When I worked in financial aid, it was possible for undergrads to become independent ... the test was that they had to have NOT been claimed as dependents for 3 years. Parents would actually amend their tax returns from prior years, un-claiming the deductions for their kids (personally, I couldn't tell you for certain if the forms ever were actually submitted to the IRS ... but we had to assume they were). That loophole got plugged & it is not possible to do that anymore. I think the "getting married" and "having a kid" reasons may still get you declared independent ... but even then, some schools might still ask you to prove that you aren't being supported by mom & dad.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Aerable: I am pretty sure if you live independently for a year and your parents don't take you as a deduction, that the fin'l aid office would take your return in regards to financial aid. Your parents would have to agree not to claim you this year (2008) in order for you to use your tax return (for tx year 2008 - filed beginning of 2009) assuming you were able to defer admission until 2009.
[/quote]
If I were you, Aerable, I would do as MattMom suggested. Try talking to your parents, see if you can borrow first year cost from them. If you go Columbia since it is in NYC, there are plenty chances to find good pay job out of Campus to fund your education. Either UChicago or Columbia is good choice, they both have core requirement in UG, worth to pay for.</p>
<p>Another approach here...</p>
<p>I think the issue here is in Aerable's parent's heads regarding prestige. They just need a little "independent" expertise to make the "proud" of the programs you have been admitted to.</p>
<p>I'm not sure how your prospective major at Columbia stacks up vs the HYP preferences of your parents, but I'd venture to say that a "prestigous" college consultant could convince your parents that Columbia is something they'd want to have on their souvenier sweatshirt.</p>
<p>You might see if your GC (after explaining your situation, so s/he doesn't get miffed for being bypassed) can recommend the most prestigous private one in your city who for a nominal fee (since sh/e really doesn't have to do anything except explain the great result you've achieved) you should get a glowing report of how your admissions stack up not just against HYP but the world. Columbia is no slouch school, especially in your discipline.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm not sure how your prospective major at Columbia stacks up vs the HYP preferences of your parents, but I'd venture to say that a "prestigous" college consultant could convince your parents that Columbia is something they'd want to have on their souvenier sweatshirt.
[/quote]
Yeah, you may refer to your parents about this academic ranking from this link.
Academic</a> Ranking of World Universities - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia</p>
<p>Columbia is ranked before YP. ... Disscuss with them, they will understand.</p>
<p>Yes, Columbia brings in more research money than HYPS.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yeah, you may refer to your parents about this academic ranking from this link.
Academic Ranking of World Universities - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia</p>
<p>Columbia is ranked before YP. ... Disscuss with them, they will understand.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>what a great list! UF ranks above Brown! Who woulda thunk?</p>
<p>^^^
i'm sorry that's because lists are stupid, and "world" lists often focus on grad more than undergrad, and brown is primarily an undergrad institution. University-College.</p>
<p>We have 3 kids, much lower income, and paid way more than $12,000 for our first kid's first year. I wanted him to go to the state University, but the connections and relative wealth of the Ivy that he ended up going to, have resulted in him earning enough to pay for the other 3 years entirely himself.</p>
<p>The fact that we supported this choice, despite our relative lack of income, meant that he was motivated to help out. It has been good for our relationship. We allowed relative dependence in ALL WAYS that first year, and have been rewarded with relative independence in all ways, the next two.</p>
<p>Everyone has their own parenting philosophy. I would say that our attitude in this is similar to our parenting style in general: give them what they need until they don't need it (as opposed to what they "want," can be hard to differentiate sometimes), and many benefits occur in both directions. </p>
<p>For our next two, I guess I may sell the house or something. They deserve the same as the first.</p>
<p>compmom: That's a great story. And a great finish. What a wonderful young man. I feel as you do, that if necessary I would down size to a different living situation.</p>
<p>compmom -- yes great outcome--your son sounds amazing -- he benefited from your parenting I would venture to say. I love and have practiced your philosophy from their babyhood on--you sound wise to have made the choice you did--I esp like how you comment on it being good for the relationship--its an important part of this whole process--</p>
<p>Interestingly no one has every asked the question which is "better or worse". I have a number of 50 something firends who are supporting/assisting their older parents (as well as their own children) because the older parents have "outlived" their savings and investments. I never ever want to be in a position where we outlive our assets and I never want to put my children in the position of having to figure out what to do so we can live independently into our old age. Parents that "sacrifice at all cost" need to make sure that they are not just shifting a burden from themselves to their children 20-30 years down the road and young people need to understand that parents must ensure that they have enough savings and assets to support themselves. It's not about the here and now necessarily - it's about the hear and now and 20 years later. No one here can speculate if the OPs parents were unreasonable or reasonable. It sounds to me like they have honest and forthright or at the very lease looked forward and said that this is what they are willing to sacrifice for the coming decade. There</p>
<p>My son wants to go to Pepperdine for approx $190,000 total. He has a scholarship to Willamette for $15,000 for 4 years, to Pacific Luthern U for $17,000 for 4 years, both of which are substantially cheaper. He wants to pay full boat for Pep. Our AGI is approx 160, and we have another kid finishing up college this year at PLU. He is mad that we want to pay tthe same overall amount for her, and keep extra $$ in reserve for graduate school, which is approx $120000. The difference between what we paid for her figuring in inflation and what we would pay for him will be $70,000. He is really hacked off. Who is right?</p>
<p>You are getting shafted. They can afford to pay the entire thing. 5k? are you kidding me? 12k? Please. </p>
<p>I mean I pay for my own college, out of the money I have in stocks since like 9th grade, but still, my parents offered. They actually paid my entire firstyear, and they pay for my food. </p>
<p>Oh yea, I'm out of state too. My parents dont even make 100k.</p>
<p>^^ geez, how do you have so much money in stocks. Care to teach me investment strategies? :-) (lol, it's probably too late to invest for college now... still, in need of $$, haha)</p>
<p>Is my son getting shafted? We will lay out the equivalent of approx 130 K over the next 4 years but don't want to pay the xtra 70 to go to Pep?</p>
<p>Janey, are you saying that sending him to Pepperdine will cost $70,000 more than you are currently paying for your d?</p>
<p>If that's the case, I think your son is out of line. You have two children who you need to consider. (Caveat: I am the mother of an only child, so I never had to deal with this issue.)</p>
<p>You may want to let your son know that if you spend the money on Pepperdine, he's on his own for graduate school. Or that your d will have some opportunities that he won't. If he agrees, fine. </p>
<p>One more suggestion, though - get that agreement from him in writing. While it may seem strange to do that, if you don't, you leave yourself open to have him come back in 4 years or when you pay for d's wedding or whatever saying, "You never told me that! I never agreed to that! You told me I could go to Pepperdine!" He may not feel "entitiled", but he may have such feelings (impossible to tell in a 3 sentence post); you want to make sure that you can come back to him and say, "Yes, in fact, we did. I'm sorry you feel like you made a bad deal, but this was the deal. We don't have more money."</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Yes, he wants to pay the difference, which is approx 70k or will be. He has worked hard and thinks he should be rewarded by getting to go to a more elite school. Problem is, Pep is not all that elite I don't think and we have an in-state school which is just as "elite" but has larger classes, which he is choosing not to attend. He thinks the small university is a dump of a school and he thinks the LAC where he got the $15K scholarship is too small. He has been wait listed at a national university which is prestigious and we have agreed to cover that because the reputation and experience would be worth the value, but in my mind not Pepperdine and he doesn't want to take out loans to make up the difference. </p>
<p>Thanks for the "get it in writing" advice. Good advice!</p>
<p>Yes, he wants Us to pay the difference, approx 70K</p>
<p>agree with chevda--your limit of 130K is quite generous and it's reasonable to let our kids know the budget and then let them see how it will play out, ie. no $ left for grad school--but ok if that's how you choose. </p>
<p>quote---The difference between what we paid for her figuring in inflation and what we would pay for him will be $70,000. He is really hacked off. Who is right?</p>
<p>this was unclear to me in your post...</p>
<p>Janey, it's your money. Offer to give him whatever you want to give him. If he thinks it's worth more & wants to take out huge loans ... well, let him see the financial reality & then he can decide if he wants to borrow that money. If you are asking us if you should capitulate to his demands, then my answer is no. It's your money. If you are going to give him X amount of money, let him know that's what you'll give (and no more). You are the parent, it's your money ... why do you even need to ask others for permission to say no?</p>