Just curious because I know a lot of BS was really wild in the 70s/80s.
In general, schools that are mostly boarding are not going to be wild. Most of the schools we looked at have very strict drugs and alcohol rules. Boarding schools that have a higher proportion of day students tend to have more partying because kids can do so off-campus. However, many of those schools will also expel a student caught drinking off campus as well.
Sex is a whole different thing and yes, there is a lot of intimacy at BS.
Who know? Your kid is certainly not going to tell you. Schools have strict rules some more than others. Some kids are definitely more wild and going to break the rules ( day or boarder isn’t going to matter). There is a lot of scrutiny since schools have to worry about deaths and insurance. Most of the schools we looked at seemed to be on top of it.
A lot of kids I know tell their parents a lot of what’s going on (I wish I could underline a lot). Maybe not everything but enough that many of the parents have a pretty good idea. I know a lot about the ahem activities of the girls in my daughter’s dorm. I know where they keep the secret chart outlining who’s hooked up with whom for years in that dorm.
There are other moms who know what’s going on too. We talk on the sidelines or in the bleachers at games. I think parents know for the most part.
1 Like
A lot of kids I know tell their parents a lot of what’s going on.
I agree, @one1ofeach. 
Wild parties, no, but there’s a lot going on at all schools. Those rascally teenagers…
Tip: To [ u ] underline / u
1 Like
I third that some kids tell their parents a lot. Two of my sons did. One doesn’t.
1 Like
haha
They are rascally, aren’t they?
I was worried about this before my daughter went to highschool but I realized pretty quickly that I was ok with her decision-making ability and with our open communication.
1 Like
Yes.
1 Like
Now you’ve done it, ski – you have to name them! 
1 Like
There are definitely some schools that are more known for partying, such as Kent and Pomfret. Realistically though, boarding schools are like other high schools, just with the added factor that students live away from home. If a student wants to party, they will find a way to do it. If they don’t, they won’t haha. I will say, however, it is very to difficult to throw a huge party because of the risk of getting caught. Most students will keep things lowkey and will be more discreet with their use of certain substances on campus.
Is your idea of a party 2 or 3 kids crowded in a shower smoking weed? Or a handful hunkered down in the woods quietly drinking alcohol out of a repurposed shampoo bottle they brought back from break? If so, yes, there are “party boarding schools”.
2 Likes
Oh my. I almost died laughing. That sounds like a terrible party.
3 Likes
Yet true. I’ve always joked that BS kids learn to “Party” in very weird, anti-social ways. On campus, it’s all about not being detected and develops a warranted sense of paranoia. Definitely not a fun way to party but done nonetheless.
Confirmation that “partying” is not at all the same thing as “having a party.” I’m more concerned about the former than the latter.
1 Like
Oh come on, repurposed shampoo bottle? What do you think the fancy Hydroflask bottles are for? Easy to bring a beer back from town, or white claw (they seem to like the spiked seltzer these days). From what I hear the real parties happen off campus, not at day students houses more likely weekend/country places of BS students nearby. Sometimes even AirBnB, some kids have a ton of money and rather permissive parents. Of course in order for your kid to participate you need to be willing to sign them out for the weekend. A lot more people are perfectly willing to do so than you’d expect. Not that all of these weekends are booze filled, sometimes they really go skiing etc but it certainly happens.
For me, the main issue is the vaping which is not really partying as a lot of kids do it alone in their rooms or even in class. But that has little to do with BS as it is everywhere in pretty much all high schools. Very hard to police it at BS but consequences of getting caught are massive. And it is just so bad for the kids and they are largely oblivious.
2 Likes
@Penguins75, I think that concept of Kent being a party school is a bit outdated if it ever really existed. In my day, the early 80s, there was some drinking a a bit of pot. Kent was known then as a school that was strict on the minor offenses and laxer on the big ones. That said, I knew a bunch of kids who got tossed so not that lax. Then it was a two and sometimes three strike school. My friends at the time reported that at Andover, Choate and Taft there was as much drinking and pot smoking but it also included some more serious drugs. I never saw coke at Kent but it was not uncommon at those schools. My experience was much like doschicos described above. Vodka hidden in cosmetic bottles and the rare toke on a hike in the woods. In the early '90s, in part to counter the “reputation” that you cite, the school went 1 strike* and a friend who was there at the time tells me that the alcohol on campus virtually disappeared overnight and my son, class of '17, says that’s mostly true today. Vaping is all over the place but it is everywhere. And there has been some abuse of the ADHD/study drugs as is the case at many schools. At Kent, this is tempered by the fact that those are dispensed by the infirmary on a daily dose basis which is definitely not the case at all schools. In addition to the son who went to Kent, I have a son who graduated in the class of '19 from Hotchkiss, and nephews who recently attended Westminster and Taft. The party scene at those schools is at least as strong as any that exists at Kent. They don’t get the same attention because they are generally more tolerant. In my experience, the bigger party schools were those that had a significant day student body since it made access much easier.
- A word on one strike. My son's biggest beef with Kent was that there seemed to be an inequality of how these rules were administered. His perception was that leniency often prevailed with students from a privileged group (legacy, donor, FP, star athlete). I think that there is some truth to that and it was a sore spot for him. This is not limited to Kent though. I know that this is the case at many schools. Hotchkiss is one strike as well, but they are not as vigilant about enforcement.
2 Likes
My sense is that the most partying happens as @417WHB notes - not at the homes of day students but on trips “home” with boarders. Home can be a weekend place. They are far
less likely to get caught this way.
FWIW, most BS rules about partying extend to day school students as well, regardless of wherethey are. (More than a handful have stopped socializing with middle school friends who don’t go to BS for this reason, btw.) If something happens while partying at the home of a day student, the school is likely to get wind of it. If it happens a few hours away, maybe not.
I will add that when I was younger, BS seemed to turn a blind eye to what went on off campus period, so day student homes often were a place for wildness. This was not at all mirrored in my son’s experience, so I think that this schools have gotten more thoughtful about this.
Check out the section on drugs: https://sota.phillipian.net/
Most boarding schools do a similar anonymous survey, but most do not publish the findings.
2 Likes