<p>Ditto! Try that little test .....link above. It is quite thought prevoking :)</p>
<p>LOL -- took the Dickinson quiz and I made the Honor Roll!</p>
<p>Good for you!!! :) This is especially comical to me as my hubbie is a recently retired fire captain who flew in the rescue/firefighting helicopter, so everytime I hear the term "Helicopter parent" it makes me chuckle :)</p>
<p>I think I'm just a bad parent.</p>
<p>archiemom..why would you assume that?</p>
<p>Out of sight--out of mind...hardly even think about S1 now that he's away at college. Altho I do hope that he sends his address soon; I might want to forward his mail and some cookies.</p>
<p>Awww! That is being a GREAT mom!! That is the relationship that we Mom's of boys have with our sons. They grow up to be Men and we will always be "needed"...just not in the way we used to be. Wouldn't you be worried if he still needed you for his every decision? My oldest is 1500 miles away (not in college) and I am lucky if I hear from him more often than my Birthday, Mothers Day, his Birthday and of course Christmas. He is very busy and almost 25 years old. His life goes on and so does mine :)</p>
<p>Exactly. I always told him (and his younger brother) that I didn't sign on for life: He got 18 years and then I wanted my life back.</p>
<p>Mine is 2800 miles away at college; just rented a house (as I said, still waiting for the address so I can send stuff), and has already announced that he intends to pursue an internship next summer in CA (even farther away). I'm happy for him and happy to have him making his own decisions. I suspect that he would not even call us for intervention even in an emergency. I am presently concentrating my efforts on S2, so that he is as independent when he leaves home in 2 years.</p>
<p>I am all over my kids like flies on... well, you know. But I took the helicopter quizzes and they said I was "doing well" or "traffic/rescue" or whatever other absurd code language they devise. I think this whole helicopter cliche is really stupid. Relationships between kids and parents differ; different temperaments are comfortable with different levels of involvement, there are cultural differences, and just difference in personal style. </p>
<p>My parents may as well have not existed once I left home for college... in fact they were distinctly uninvolved when I was still home, for that matter. I don't think they did me any favors. I certainly wouldn't emulate them. Not to say it doesn't work for some families, but those of us who've been very involved from the get-go (homeschool mom, here!) have a style that works for us.</p>
<p>Maybe it's because I was so entirely on my own when I was young, that now I feel, comparatively, very involved with my own kids. Compared to other people this may just be normal (or "doing well"/"traffic" blah blah blah), but to me it's bonafide helicoptering. Okay, by me.</p>
<p>No, I'd never call a professor or an employer, install a nanny-cam or get involved in anyway my kids didn't want me to... but I am most definitely a helicopter, and unapologetic about it. Just because my kid is off to college... well, I've pulled up to a higher altitude is all, but not gone back to the hanger.</p>
<p>It is true that all families and all parent-child relationships are different, and especially different depending on personalities and abilities and maturity. In our case, I think we can let it all go precisely because my husband and I were SO involved in their lives as children and teenagers: SAHM and a father who runs a business from home; Cub scout/Boy Scout leaders; PTO volunteers and officers; religious education teachers; theatre parents; sports team coaches; dinner together just about every day. I think we've prepared them to function independently of our continuing involvement. We'll see.</p>
<p>Personally, I think almost all reasonably functional kids grow up to be independent adults. Some are more independent at 18 than others, some really get their legs under them in their mid-20s. In any case, parents who are too controlling will nearly always get pushed back by their kids when the time comes.</p>
<p>I dont think anyone is criticizing loving parents that give their everything when they talk about "helicopter parents".</p>
<p>It is only my opinion, but I think they are talking about parents who have been driving their kids door to door, never letting them ride a bike or a school bus (when offered). </p>
<p>The ones that call and email and show up at the school when their child does not get the lead in the school play. </p>
<p>The ones that never allow their children or young adults to be exposed to the realities of finances, debt, the cost of food, or how much it really costs to run a family household.</p>
<p>The ones that have always made their childrens beds, done their laundry, picked up after them, rushed to the kitchen to prepare food when they walk in the door....and yes they are out there! I had a mother-in-law that raised 3sons that way.</p>
<p>Just a few examples, but I have seen and heard of situations where kids go off to college and do not last 1 semester. It is not necessarily because they miss their families so much. It is because they miss the "creature comforts" that they have been afforded and the rest of the world does not see them as special as their "hovering" parents do or did!</p>
<p>When colleges and universities find the need to give video presentations at parent orientation sessions titled "Helicopter Parents", there is obviously a widespread issue that is raring it's nasty head.</p>
<p>We all reserve the right to raise our children in the way that we choose, we just have to be prepared for the consequences if their raising does not prepare them for the reality of life in the "Big, Cruel World".</p>
<p>I guess it's just been happenstance that I have never known anyone who makes their teenager's bed or goes to the school when their kid doesn't get the lead in the play... I'm sure such things go on, but I haven't seen it among the families I know. I have seen, FAR more often, parents who don't know where their teenage kids are, don't know what their grades are, don't know who their teachers are, don't know where they get their money from. Those kids would be well served to have a kindly helicopter. Maybe it's a regional thing, but kids here drift into idleness and trouble far more often than they suffer from having a parent make their lunch.</p>
<p>We live in the "OC Bubble". Not all kids in Orange County, CA are like the ones on the ridiculous TV show, but there are a fair amount that live the lifestyle that I described and many are back from college and living at home at 20-28 years old. Not in my house....not without extreme circumstances!</p>
<p>Yeah... I know quite a few kids who've bounced back from college to home, too. Mostly 18 and 19 year olds. Around here though it's more because the kids went off to college with no real idea of why they were going... just because everyone else was going. These are mostly kids who went to lower ranked state schools, applied at the last minute, didn't really have a goal in mind. Most of them either didn't want to do the work, or just got into partying to excess and couldn't keep their grades up. My kids know that is NOT an option. But, see, for me, that warning is part of my helicoptering. ;)</p>
<p>I get it :) and I think that the ones of us that care but don't hover too much have a great chance at being proud of well balanced, independent adults with a set of morals and ethics. A pat on the back for us :)</p>
<p>I too got a "doing well--B"...having 3 kids, I think the parenting/hovering depends on each child's indl needs. my oldest (freshman in college) has always been mature, organized, and self motivated, and so far he continues to be so at college--happy too. I am proud and comfortable because I have confidence in his judgment etc. clearly his choices are his...he asked for my thoughts on his classes and I offered them...he then chose classes with his advisor. he knows I am here to be consulted with and to offer my love. my second and third are lets just say less naturally organized, and more into risk taking. they will need and get more input, monitoring, whatever we call it. but the goal is the same, for each of them to find their way to an independent, happy and balanced life. each child walks at their own pace and it is our job to encourage letting go of the couch, while being close by in case they fall. the close by range depends on the kid...</p>
<p>I also wonder whether more "helicoptering" is done with one's eldest child. I know that my husband and I can be alot less attentive to S2 (high school junior) 1) because he absorbed the years of nagging we did with S1 and 2) because we have a better idea of what issues are important and which issues really need to be handled by the son and not the parent.</p>
<p>Archiemom, I find just the opposite. I helicopter more with my younger child. Maybe because I know she's my last and I'm not really willing to let go of my "little girl!"</p>
<p>archiemom--ditto that. I've seen it again & again--oldest child gets the full force of hovering and anxiety. I see it in myself--and, even though I'm conscious of it, each new experience/challenge w/first-born is an unknown so can't take the 'been there, done that, no big deal...ultimately' that can easily adopt w/second child.</p>