Are your parents satisfied with your college choices?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I'm just wondering, because lately mine have been giving me crap for not getting into the tippy tops. They didn't outright blame me, but they just kept saying,"oh, I wish you had got into YPSM!" And then they kept downplaying my acceptances by saying that these schools probably don't really look at ECs/unique personalities anyway, because I had been able to get in while YPSM doesn't want me. If I knew they would be this obsessed, I wouldn't even bother applying in the first place. They seem especially fixated on Princeton/Stanford. I couldn't get them to budge even after I pointed out several stuff about PS that will not fit me. At one point I just said that I would choose my current college choice over PS even if I got in, because it's a better fit. They retorted by saying that it wouldn't be my decision to make because they're the ones who are paying the bill - which is a valid point... but it still makes me sad. </p>

<p>Forgive my rambling, just pretty upset right now. I never had a realistic chance at YPSM, so I don't understand why they won't accept the rejections and leave it at that. I'm incredibly lucky to actually be accepted at a CC Top Uni, where I'll be attending this fall - but I guess things are never enough. </p>

<p>I'm wondering if you guys had experienced something similar...</p>

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<p>I learned near the beginning of my college admissions search that parental inclinations would have to be one of the primary determinants of sort of colleges I applied to. Some night with my grandparents, I talked about my interest in the New College of Florida, UChicago, etc.</p>

<p>Everyone was so dismayed that I was interested in colleges they hadn’t heard of that they spent the rest of the night criticizing me for it and I had to reassure them I’d apply to more well-known-to-them top schools instead in order to go to sleep that night.</p>

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<p>Ask them what they think the Admit rate was to Princeton and Stanford.</p>

<p>Then tell them 7.3 % and 5.7%. That means 92.7 and 94.3% of applicants were denied.</p>

<p>And then tell them to read this:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/princeton-university/1480014-official-princeton-university-class-2017-rd-results.html?highlight=2017+rd+results[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/princeton-university/1480014-official-princeton-university-class-2017-rd-results.html?highlight=2017+rd+results&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>and this:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/stanford-university/1480174-stanford-class-2017-official-decisions-thread-rd.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/stanford-university/1480174-stanford-class-2017-official-decisions-thread-rd.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>And tell them honestly: "I presented the best application possible that I was capable of to P and S. They obviously found others more compelling. Each time you say ‘oh, I wish you had got into YPSM!’ is simply more and more hurtful. </p>

<p>(pause)</p>

<p>Each time you say ‘oh, I wish you had got into YPSM!’ is simply more and more hurtful. </p>

<p>Your continuing to harp on that fact leaves me no choice but to re-live my own disappointment. I’m going to get over it. I ask that you do as well."</p>

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<p>@Philo: I think I saw you in the Princeton thread. You got in, didn’t you? Congrats!! :smiley: And yeah, I also applied to YPSM mainly 'cause my family pressured me to. </p>

<p>@T26E4 Thank you so much :frowning: I tried out your advice, and I told them everything you said there. They actually knew a few PS admits from my country (demigods with stellar stats) and they admitted that admission is tough. Now they’re blaming ‘fate’ for not letting me into YPSM (some kid from my school was once accepted to Yale with a similar file, and they lamented this) Pffff, I was glad that ‘fate’ pointed me to my perfect fit. They then brushed off any of my following arguments since PS are ‘obviously the best schools’, and that I shouldn’t be upset over this because their disappointment is justifiable .____. (This coming from the people who made me promise not to cry over my rejections…)</p>

<p>While I may not have changed their perception of their kid ‘settling’ for a ‘second-tier’ (SUPER SARCASM HERE) college, I hope the convo would make them stop bringing this matter up. They’re being super nice to me suddenly, so that’s a good sign :slight_smile: I’m just gonna work super super hard at college for myself…</p>

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<p>Where are you from?</p>

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<p>Chiiiiiiinaaaaaa ^ :slight_smile: (explains everything? lol)</p>

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<p>My parents don’t really care so long as the school is accredited, is in-state, and is the right school for me. Your parents (from the way you described them in your post) sound like my Asian friends’ parents. My parents aren’t nearly as competitive as the Asian parents I know. As long as I bring home A’s or B’s and actually learn something in college, my parents are happy campers. However, my parents informed me that I will be paying all of my college debt I incur, so maybe that’s why they don’t seem too concerned about my college choice.</p>

<p>Tell your parents that even the universities with name recognition may not efficiently teach what you want to major in. All of those prestigious schools are extremely picky and turn down tons of people. After talking to several recruiters from those big-name colleges, I definitely wanted to attend a public, state university. There are plenty of state universities that will give you a strong, comprehensive education. </p>

<p>Don’t let your parents’ nagging get to you. It sounds like it’s taking it’s toll on you. Let them know that their fussing about your college choices is anything but helpful and that it is especially hurtful to you. I know from experience that it is difficult to be frank with parents, but ask them politely to give you a break. Who is the one going to college anyways? In the end, I think you should do what you want to do, major what you want to major in, and attend a college that you want.</p>

<p>Good luck.
P.S. I am Chinese, too.</p>

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<p>My mom is just glad I got into university, period.</p>

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<p>My parents barely finished high school. They have supported every decision I’ve ever made. I turned down Michigan for a lower ranked school and they supported me. I just turned down Ivies for Michigan for grad school (though Michigan is higher ranked lol). </p>

<p>I’m sorry your parents are doing this. It’s your college though so let em yap :)</p>

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<p>tronvader, as a parent I believe your parents are very wrong. It’s one thing to encourage your kid to apply to top schools, but parents should never show disappointment in situations that are out of their kids’ control. This could make the kids insecure for the rest of their life. I think you should be proud that you got into Northwestern. I know some exceptional students who didn’t. Good luck to you!</p>

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<p>I’m going to East Carolina University. I got into better schools, could have gotten into much better schools had I applied, but I decided that I liked ECU and I could do well there, so my parents are very happy for me. I personally don’t understand the obsession with all of theses top-tier schools.</p>

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<p>@tron I can relate. I got into Hopkins BME but I think a lot of people around me think I’m a failure for ‘only’ getting into Hopkins. My family is also obsessed with Stanford. When I was making decisions in April, they just said that ‘had S accepted me, this discussion would be over.’ I said it wouldn’t be, cause Hopkins is phenomenal in BME and it’s my first love - and they just snorted at me.</p>

<p>:( aaaah, prestige. Sometimes I just resent certain schools because the mention of their names make me feel inferior. I know I shouldn’t, but… Classical conditioning, I guess??</p>

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<p>My dad cried when I got into UCI and my mom almost cried when I got into UCLA.</p>

<p>They were both happy with my choice of UCLA and they supported me when I s**tcanned UCLA after a year and transferred to our local community college because it was the only way for me to change my major. (Speaking of which, they supported my original major of cell biology and my new major of computer science.)</p>

<p>I’ve actually taken on a new obsession with intellectual self-reliance and being able to learn everything I’d learn on the path to a degree without actually going to college. F**k your idea of “prestige” as being hand-held through education by people with salaries at academic Disneylands, that kind of thing. My mom keeps telling me that obsession feeding into a self-destructive cycle and depression. She’s right, but if I don’t have my pride, what do I have?</p>

<p>Basically the answer is yes, my parents want the best for me and encourage me in my productive education decisions.</p>

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<p>You’re going to Northwestern… I think your parents need a wake up call lol. I’m sorry your parents are making you feel this way. You should be extremely proud on your college acceptance and decision. I think you should do your best to focus on the positive. Start looking forward to your future at Northwestern and maybe try to share that excitement with your parents.</p>

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<p>No one in the history of my family has ever gone to college before me and my sister. </p>

<p>They don’t care where I went to college, just as long as I finish. I will be the first one. When I have kids I will probably be involved in my kids lives when it comes to college. I had no idea really about what my chances were or anything like that, but I like my current university. My dad can’t pass Algebra. My sister is going to be an accountant and I am going to be a physicist (eventually). </p>

<p>I think my parents will be proud of me no matter what I do. Even if I decided to work at McDonald’s. As long as I’m happy, they’re happy.</p>

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<p>My mother absolutely hates the fact that I applied to SDSU and CSUSM. She knows its been my dream to get back to San Diego and I’ve always wanted to go to SDSU… Fortunately for her I didn’t get accepted to any of them. She’s mainly upset about the $55 that she “wasted”. She made me apply to a school that I 100% do NOT want to go to and fortunately for me I didn’t get into that one either. Looking at fees like housing and everything else makes me feel a little thankful that I didn’t get into any of them. Everything is just too high, CSUSM’s parking fee is $600 plus 1,000+ for housing. I can honestly say that I’d be living in the street OR my mom would be struggling tremendously with my housing/parking fee; plus on top of that there’s a deposit for enrollment which is $500 I think. </p>

<p>I’m still waiting on CSUN’s decision. I feel that in the long run CSUN will be the cheapest… No deposit fee, parking is only $380 and housing is only $770 (for housing not including a meal plan) no more no less. </p>

<p>Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk</p>

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<p>Wow, guys, thanks so much for the overwhelming responses :)</p>

<p>Just to address some of your points - yeah, prestige obsession is a thing around here. I personally think my parents are still better than the rest of the UCLA-Cal-Harvard-worshipping people. Of course, not everyone is like that; the ones obsessed with prestige are mostly ignorant of US universities. I know a lot of people whose dream is to go to Harvard and only Harvard (despite not knowing anything about the school), and is convinced that going to any other US college will be a major setback. It’s like, if you don’t go to HYPSCM, then you basically wasted your money. @accio, I know a friend who got into Hopkins as pre-med, and her parents are disappointed because it’s not MIT. Yeah…</p>

<p>@Halogen, CalDud: Your parents are incredible, haha. But sometimes I gotta understand why people here are so obsessed with prestige. Most of us don’t get the chance for college visits and so some of us made our choices based on ranks, stats and reputation. Also, people here don’t really believe in exploring interests, etc etc. I dunno. It’s a different culture. </p>

<p>@smurray: My parents absolutely hate NU too! They were so against me applying ED (luckily I still got in RD), and they had this whole vendetta against every aspect of NU. Everytime someone didn’t recognize NU, my parents just turned to me and said,“See? It’s not as prestigious as you think it is.” (This is a month ago, though - they’ve stopped doing it haha) I hope you get into CSUN, btw. :)</p>

<p>@CollegiateDreams thanks, man. You made my heart melt, lol. </p>

<p>@the rest, thanks guys X) Don’t get me wrong, my parents are happy about NU (they’d be a lot more ****ed if I hadn’t got in at all) - but I guess it’s the community around us that’s affecting their judgment. They once said: “If you had got into YPSM, we wouldn’t have to explain again and again about your college. People will just recognize it.” Maybe they just wanted bragging rights, sigh.</p>

<p>People have an insatiable greed for prestige, I guess. It’s similar to people’s obsession with beauty, fame, etc etc. It’s mind-boggling, but it will never cease to exist. Anyways, thanks all :smiley: In the end, I’m just grateful they still want to pay for my college tuition. It’s getting better around here and I look forward to spending my four years as a Wildcat X) Screw what other people think of me. I worked hard to be here.</p>

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<p>@tronvader seems like your parents want the bragging rights more than anything! My mom has to constantly tell people where CSUN is… Most people don’t know that it exists, which is a shame really.</p>

<p>Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk</p>

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<p>@tronvader: Well, I know about the obsession with prestige. Around 95% of my friends just looking at my Facebook go to MIT, UCLA, UC Berkeley, or USC. The others just private liberal arts colleges, Cal Poly SLO, UCSD, and my current school Cal Poly Pomona. </p>

<p>My parents really had no idea about college so it’s not like they really knew about what were good schools and what weren’t. I just kind of think that prestige is overrated if you have enough ability to stand apart from your institution and not make it a deciding factor of where you’re placed in life. I’ve had my fair share of prestigious school chums end up giving me my venti caffe mocha. It’s not like they got bad grades either or that they didn’t receive an excellent education from their school. I guess it was their ability in applying it. </p>

<p>I’m sure you’re right about the culture, though. Anyone I ever talked to that was older than me was basically happy for me that I was able to even attend college. Didn’t matter what institution. I’d be more prestige oriented for graduate school if I jump to a PhD, but I am fine doing what I love to study just about anywhere. It shouldn’t always come down to the school. I think if a school is willing to take a chance on you for a PhD program, whether it is Harvard or Podunk U, you should take it. Your work after that will speak for itself.</p>

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<p>tron - you sound so much more mature than your parents! NU is lucky to have you - well done!</p>