<p>I thought it would be fun to start an advice thread, where you can tell me about your problems and I will tell you what you should do about them. Similar to those Dear Abby columns in newspapers, but CC-style. </p>
<p>You should probably take my words with discretion. Also, ask for second opinions before doing anything drastic. But if you ever need advice from me- on academia, life, love, or other matters that you deem important, comment on this thread and Ill do the best I can to reply. </p>
<p>Also, I ought to mention
1. If I dont answer right away, dont get frustrated; Ill get back to you.
2. If I dont get back to you
Haha, you should probably ask someone else.
3. I dont know everything. Ill let you know if somethings out of my area of expertise.
Or Ill redirect you to a relevant thread.
4. Please dont troll excessively. I wont reply if you do. :)</p>
<p>Ready, set, go.</p>
<p>I don’t know whether or not I want a serious relationship with someone. I just got out of a long relationship and it feels so different being out of it. I feel more free and open to things that I couldn’t do if I were dating. I liked being in a relationship in some ways, but just knowing that it would end soon was hard. I really loved the girl at one point. Keep in mind that I don’t plan on getting married for at least ten years.
Basically, I like being in a relationship, but I don’t want to get married for ten years. I still have college/medical school to go through. Should I bother with relationships, or try to stay out of them as much as I can?</p>
<p>Stay out of them. FAR FAR away. All they do is drain your time and resources. And don’t forget that you can have a relationship with someone without marrying them just yet though :)</p>
<p>Ok, There is this person I like but she is dating someone else (one of my best friend). I told her I had a crush on her and ask her out but she said she’s with someone. She also said catch me when I’m single. Do I wait for her to break up or just forget about it completely?</p>
<p>Dear dogbreath,</p>
<p>If you just got out of a serious relationship, I think right now you need some time to recuperate. It would be hard for anyone to bounce in and out of relationships without some down time in the middle. Every break-up takes something out of you and it takes time to get over an ex. (On the upside, you learn something new with every relationship, and you get better at dating as time goes on.)</p>
<p>Enjoy being single for a while, but give love a second chance. College is the best time to start relationships, because you tend to be surrounded with like-minded people. At the very least, don’t wait until you’re out of medical school to start another long-term relationship. You wouldn’t want to give up your personal happiness for your academic life.</p>
<p>Sometimes love is fleeting. Often we ask ourselves, “Is it worth it?” The short answer? Yes. You might need to go through a lot of short-term lovers to find the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with. In the words of the iconic Bob Marley, “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>Catch</p>
<p>Dear Descuff,</p>
<p>Wow, your crush sounds like a jerk. “Catch me when I’m single?” Really?</p>
<p>Also, it’s better not to ask someone out when they’re already in a relationship. (Trust me, I know.)</p>
<p>Ask yourself seriously: how much do you like this girl? Are you willing to wait until somebody else dumps her in order to pick her up? Do you want someone else’s sloppy seconds? </p>
<p>If you are truly, truly infatuated with this girl, and you can’t live without going out with her, then by all means, wait until she no longer has a boyfriend and make a move. But know this: if she told you to pick her up when she’s fallen, she probably doesn’t think her own relationship will last. Who’s to say she won’t say the same thing to the next guy who chases after her while she’s (hypothetically) going out with you? Also, you and your best friend might have some tension going on after you go out with his ex, so you might want to make sure it won’t hurt your friendship first. That is, IF you go out with her. </p>
<p>Descuff, if I were in your place, I would forget about this girl. There are better fish in the sea, and you deserve better. (Of course, you will probably follow your hormones, not my advice, but it’s just something to think about.)</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>Catch</p>
<p>Descuff, “Catch me when I’m single”? Catching a girl like that will mean that you catch something else ifyouknowwhatImean.jpg</p>
<p>Descuff, don’t wait for that girl. Seriously, if I was in your place and that girl said that, I’d tell her straight up that I’m not going to wait in line for her.</p>
<p>Bumppp, people…</p>
<p>Promise I won’t bite.</p>
<p>Should I take physical science and geometry over the summer? Im really doing nothing else.</p>
<p>Geometry would be good to learn anytime.</p>
<p>Dear Catch,</p>
<p>I just met this girl two days ago when we both signed up for running a water fundraiser at graduation. I’m a freshman and she’s a sophomore. She seems so smart (mostly by the way she acts, but she also mentioned she had straight A’s.), and she’s decently attractive (IE not the most beautiful girl in school but still pretty.) The thing that really attracts me to her is her personality. She is so funny and me her really hit it off. Now the “catch” is that she has a boyfriend. I know her boyfriend (He’s a junior and I sat next to him in bio,) so I don’t wanna steal his girlfriend. But I feel starstruck; I’ve met anyone who I got along with so much and could make me laugh so much. What to do? :)</p>
<p>GoodNoodle</p>
<p>@Goodnoodle: Kinda like my question… Just stay friends with her. And don’t try to wait for her (according to the people above).</p>
<p>If she seems happy in her relationship, why would you want to mess that up by trying to date her?</p>
<p>Well, I need somebody with a new and fresh perspective on my problem, so any advice would be appreciated. =]</p>
<p>I’m a girl and I’ve been pretty good friends/best friends with somebody (also a girl) for about 8 years. We were pretty tight in elementary school, talked a lot in middle school, and drifted a bit apart since the last year. Last year, she’s mentioned a few times about how she thinks that High School relationships really don’t go anywhere and are kind of meaningless… Until she got in her first relationship, and is now in “love.” It just seems kind of hypocritical to bash teenage relationships, and then contradict herself by claiming she’s in love in High School… but she basically spends all of her time with him, like over the weekends and on vacations. And texting him when we’re walking to Lunch, or when we’re eating in Lunch. I don’t think one lunch has gone by where she hasn’t had her phone out and been texting him this year. And she brings him up literally all the time. It’s been going on for about a year now, you’d think that the constant obsessing would end… But it’s probably gotten worse. I’m really trying to be there for her, because I know that she has some person and family problems, but it’s incredibly difficult because she talks/texts him all the time, and she really doesn’t care about whatever I have to say when I talk to her about something. We just don’t really agree on anything anymore. Whenever I tell her my opinion, I always get shut down on anything, it’s really demoralizing. And sometimes she’s just really depressing to be around because of the things that she says or thinks… We’re just at different stages of our lives, I guess. </p>
<p>I’ve asked her if she wanted to hang out many times. Whenever I try to hang out with her, it’s literally either: “I’m in my pjs, so I can’t come out” or “I’m taking a nap” or “I have to hang out with somebody else.” It’s like she has no time for me which is really irritating considering I’m really trying here. I’ve told her that we never hang out, and that I want to try to continue being friends, but all she says is “We can hang out tomorrow!” And that tomorrow never comes. It doesn’t. I feel ignored, and I have other friends I can hang out with and who I talk with, but she’s been my longest friend. Should I just move on from her and try to build up my friendships with other people (who have more similar interests than K and I do), or should I keep trying? it’s hard because I really feel she isn’t putting any effort into our friendship.
Wow… I wrote an essay here, but I can’t really talk to anybody else about this because somehow it may get back to her. Thanks for reading all of this, if you did! You guys are awesome.</p>
<p>@writingdog</p>
<p>Any kind of relationship needs to have effort on both ends. TBH, I’m a teensy bit confused. You say that she basically needs you, so you try to be there for her, but she basically avoids you? If she truly needed you, she would try to be closer to you, or at least just put in some effort to stay friends with you. So far, you’ve seemed to approach this very maturely and appropriately. Now that you’ve tried all those things though, you’ve got to take it a step farther. So either:
a) You either let things continue the way they are or
b) confront her properly</p>
<p>You’ve already tried mentioning to her that you two never hang out, but you’re going to have to do a bit more. So talk to her alone and say (in your own words or however you want to say it): “I’m tired of trying so hard to be friends with you when you don’t even seem to want to hang out with me. If you want to be friends, it would be nice if you had some time for me. If not, please say so.”</p>
<p>If she realizes her error, then great! Problem solved. If she ignores what you say and just keeps on going like she is, you’re going to have to decide for yourself whether this friendship is really worth it (personally, though, it doesn’t seem like it. it’s sad that long-time friends drift off, but, sweetie, old times don’t magically come back and it doesn’t seem like she wants them to either). and if she gets mad and never speaks to you again, well then, she’s REALLY not worth it.</p>
<p>wow that was long x) hope I helped</p>
<p>Dear Bassoonapus,</p>
<p>Are you really doing nothing else over the summer? Summer is the perfect time to explore all the cool stuff you don’t have time to do during the hectic school year. If you intend to go into a math/science field, explore interning options in some lab or hospital near your home. Do a really cool science fair project that’s good enough for INTEL. Find out summer programs that you can get scholarships for. Volunteer. Apply for a job. That sort of thing. And study physical science and geometry in your spare time.</p>
<p>But if you happen to enjoy physical science and geometry, and if it would be fun for you to study during the summer, you definitely should. I wouldn’t let it be the focus of my summer, but more knowledge is always a good thing.</p>
<p>One last note: Don’t just study for no reason. Perhaps you should take a collegeboard test of some sort after you know all this stuff. AP tests and SAT subject tests come to mind. That way you could write on your resume that you “self-studied” (but only if you get a good score).</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>Catch</p>
<p>Dear goodnoodle,</p>
<p>Please, please, please don’t chase after someone who’s already taken. If we lived in a polygamous society, it would be socially acceptable for girls to have more than one boyfriend at a time. But we don’t, and it’s not, and you would NOT want this chick’s boyfriend to get on to you, especially if you have class with him.</p>
<p>Also…you met this girl two days ago? And you’re already infatuated? My, my, that was quick. She seems like a nice girl, but honestly, you don’t know her that well and she has a boyfriend who’s an upperclassman, so your chances of getting with her are actually nonexistent. Maybe if she was single you could nurse your crush, but at the moment, just, no.</p>
<p>Don’t you worry, freshman, you have a long high school career ahead of you. You will meet plenty of people who you like and who will make you laugh. High school relationships are inevitable when you place teenagers of the opposite sex in the same building. You just gotta wait for the right girl at the right time. </p>
<p>Best, </p>
<p>Catch</p>
<p>Dear writingdog,</p>
<p>It’s a personal philosophy of mine to never be clingy with my friends. If I invite someone to hang out, and they give me the “I’m too busy for you” response, I don’t invite them again. (Unless they were ACTUALLY busy. Sometimes it’s hard to tell.) But in your case, your friend seems genuinely disinterested in doing anything with you anymore. Shutting you down in conversation? Being too obsessed with her boyfriend to have anything to do with you? Doesn’t sound like a real friend to me. </p>
<p>Yet…you say you’ve known this girl for 8 years? That is a ridiculously long time! Over the years, it sounds like you guys have really drifted apart. I think the “familiarity breeds contempt” cliche applies in your case. It’ll hurt when you realize that you and your former bff no longer have anything in common anymore, but it’s not right for you to be the only one trying to keep your friendship alive.</p>
<p>If I were you, I would stop trying. Friendship is like a bank account, and you sound like you’re losing money. You can’t keep depositing on one side while the other person only withdraws. You’ll go broke. (Excuse the extended fiscal analogy. Hopefully you understand what I’m trying to say.) Forget about this girl and develop closer relationships with your other friends. </p>
<p>An alternative: wait until your friend breaks up with that boy she’s been obsessed with. Who do you think she’ll come crawling back to?</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>Catch</p>