<p>Can someone please read and critique my extracurricular activity essay? I don't know if it is neccesarily what they want to see but we are allowed so few words so I'm trying to do the best I can with that while still making it interesting and revealing. Thank you so much!! </p>
<p>Here it is:</p>
<p>Rise</p>
<pre><code>The piano music begins abruptly. The man behind the keys plays with his usual passion, but his technique is bungled by the exhaustion that hangs heavy in the air. We have been rehearsing for six hours. The notes pour out one after another at a feverish pace.
I stretch my right arm out in front of me, gazing through the tips of my fingers as they lengthen en pr
</code></pre>
<p>The primary one is that it leaves me wanting more. I want to meet this woman and hear more of her story. </p>
<p>It presents you as a success. I picture you as strong and limber, a mature fighter who is willing to work hard to accomplish your goals.</p>
<p>It tells me you have experience to share with your fellow students but that you are not a whiner. </p>
<p>It’s well written.</p>
<p>Reading it I found myself wondering where the first few paragraphs were leading and hoping it wasn’t going to be one of those “Great lessons I have learned through sports” essays. I was pleasantly surprised and I think admissions officers will be as well.</p>
<p>I love it too – it is beautiful --but if this is for the common app short essay I think it is over the character count (1000 characters) and will get cut off.</p>
<p>To add to the “maturity” point-your writing is self-effacing. This is a difficult skill to master without sounding falsely modest. I love the phrase “graceful squat”. The accomplishment of being chosen for the Nutcracker speaks for itself.</p>
<p>I checked it out and it says its only 909 characters- is there some other way to measure the number of characters that I don’t know of? I don’t want it to get cut off! :)</p>
<p>daisychain’s right. The common app counts spaces as characters. Your character count is about 1100, 100 too many. You may want to cut one of the “ballet position” lines.</p>
<p>You can download your essay and preview it to see if anything has been cut off, then change your essay and reload it if necessary. It won’t go to the schools until you send the entire Common App.</p>
<p>Thank you for pointing this out to me! I cannot elieve how few words we are allowed to use!</p>
<p>Ok here is the revised version, with 968 characters:</p>
<p>Rise</p>
<pre><code>The piano music begins abruptly. The man behind the keys plays with his usual passion, but his technique is bungled by the exhaustion that hangs heavy in the air. We have been rehearsing for six hours.
I stretch my right arm out, gazing through the tips of my fingers as they lengthen en pr
</code></pre>
<p>I don’t think it’s too vague at all. The point of the essay is for the admissions officers to learn something about you and what you have to offer the school. This essay speak to your character and resilience, and that’s much more interesting than hearing about yet one more kid’s love for the violin or skill on the soccer field.</p>
<p>I agree. The prompt is to “elaborate” on an activity - much more interesting to approach in the way that you do than to follow the “I do______ and it is meaningful because _______” formula.</p>
<p>But it’s still too many characters, because spaces are included - find an online character counter program and check once you revise.</p>
<p>It says its 968 characters total- including spaces. </p>
<p>Do you think the essay is weaker now that I’ve had to remove more words from it? Should I change anything at all or would you say is it ready to be submitted? </p>
<p>And @Sue22- thank you very much for that! as you may have guessed, my username has a very deep meaning to me After many difficult years, I am finally happy and free!</p>
<p>And thank you, too, for all of your help. It means the world to me.</p>
<p>Sue22, I have a question. You mention that it counts spaces in the “1000 character” limit for the EC essay. However, my son wrote one that is 999 characters, not counting spaces, and it is all there on the Print Preview Final PDF (the copy you can print out right before you submit). Also, now that he has already submitted, he can click “View this application” (on the My Colleges page) and see his whole app, and the whole EC essay shows up. Again, it was 999 characters NOT counting spaces. So do you think that spaces actually count?</p>
<p>Please ignore my last post. I am so sorry. I checked with my son, and I was wrong. His essay of 999 characters did indeed include spaces and punctuation marks as well as letters as characters. Sorry!</p>
After many difficult years, I am finally happy and free!</p>