Battle of The Spouses and S - making the $$ decision

Parents Forum
1

<p>So here we are, it's April. S needs to be making that college decision soon. Most of the college searching has fallen on S and my shoulder's - H has gone on a few visits, but honestly his tendency seems to be that he is there but not fully participating taking all things in like I do. His attitude is sort of "get back to me when you have the excel $$ chart ready and we'll talk."</p>

<p>The excel chart is pretty much ready. Slight chance that one school may up their offer (we appealed). S applied to 7, got accepted at 6, likely has his choices narrowed down easily to 4, probably 3.</p>

<p>Son is a big sports buff (both participating and as a fan), currently wants to major in Math with the intent to teach HS math. All the schools he applied to have strong teaching programs as well as sports management/business type programs (a second possible interest). He's a social, activity oriented kid. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>School #1 - Division 1, Jesuit - loves the atmosphere, loves the campus, the sports both as a fan and to participate in club or intramural. Con: currently the $$ gap is too big. He can consider going the TEACH grant route which will make it more of a possibility. But committing to that off the bat seems a bit risky.</p></li>
<li><p>School #2 - Division 3, Liberal Arts - loves the campus, the facilities (sports and academic), likes the math faculty, nice fin aid, would have maybe $3000 loans Freshman year + our contribution which ends up being less than EFC which we can come up without loans). This school is a favorite outside of "1" above and I/he thinks is a really good fit. He has an opportunity to play a varsity sport here.</p></li>
<li><p>School #3 - Division 3, very small liberal arts - everything is very basic, just "ok" about it - it's less than an hour from home (somewhat negative), campus small not updated (plain academic buildings, dorms, student union, etc), vibe from teaching dept. is ok but that's about it. S's achievements probably put him at the tippy top of the students at this college. Problem? Full tuition scholarship. Yep, that's all my H can see right now. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>H can't see why/how we can consider turning down the cash. S is great student (Val) who wanted a private smaller rather than a big state U. School #3 was viewed as a "safety" once he got the scholarship - it was our "at the very least, you have this" option. But it offers so little otherwise. :( H attended a CC for first two years then a Big 10 school for rest of BS and Master's. </p>

<p>If you too have been in this situation or if you have any pros/cons to offer my mind, I'd greatly appreciate your thoughts. You don't have to be on my side ( :) ), but please offer constructive advice and thoughts. Thanks in advance. :)</p>

2

<p>My son is most likely turning down a major scholarship to attend a school that will require both student and parent loans, and plenty of $$. We are supporting his decision because he feels that the more costly school is the better quality one. We did have to take one school that he was very interested in off the list, due to the small amount of aid offered. It’s tough to add these financial issues into the college decision, but unfortunately many families are in this situation. Sounds like school 2 is the right choice, and one that allows for a compromise.</p>

3

<p>I agree with bubmom…#1 may be too expensive and #3 is just not the right fit. If he’s happy with #2 and you can afford it without going into debt yourselves (sounds like he’s willing to take some loans on his own), that appears to be your match.</p>

4

<p>abasket- I think many H’s think like yours does. I know mine does. We are going to be facing that decision very soon. Unfortunately for us it is as a transfer student. Most schools do not give merit aid for transfers and we will not get need based aid. My kid knows that the highest priced schools are out if no money comes. Where H and I differ is on whether she should go to the cheapest option which is a Tier 4 school that is not highly rated in her field of interest versus the higher ranked options that will cost more but not as much as some of the others.</p>

5

<p>School #2- would have your family paying * less than* EFC,
half the student loans most take on

  • and *your kid likes it?</p>

<p>Sounds like a no brainer.</p>

6

<p>Our D turned down full tuition scholarship from safety, but also rejected the highly ranked school where we would be full pay. Opted for the middle choice, partial scholarship, and is very happy where she ended up. If I get a vote, option #2 sounds right to me!</p>

7

<p>Tell your H that it is a cost-benefit analysis, not just a cost analysis. You probably know what examples would fit his mindset best. Does he drive the least expensive car on the market? Did he buy the least expensive house you looked at? Does he choose to go camping rather than stay in a hotel on vacation? If he answers yes to all of those questions, then you may be in trouble. Otherwise, I would think he could at least engage in a reasonable discussion about weighing both sides of the equation.</p>

8

<p>S #1 will graduate from college next month. I still regret his decision (H allowed it, I argued against it) to turn down full (NMF) rides for a small private school with no aid. This involved huge sacrifices for our whole family. Kid #2 is also in college this year–she only applied to schools where she could get merit aid, but we did let her choose a higher-priced school that was a better fit. I already told kid #3 (likely NMF) that his college choices will be limited to schools where he can get a full ride. (Kids 4-7 will have similar $ restrictions). Think very carefully about the $$, the lifestyle changes involved, and the rest of your family if you have younger kids. We’re not making the same mistake again.</p>

9

<p>If your husband is willing, you should let your son choose btn. choice #2 or #3. Perhaps you could entice your son with an offer for a trip to Europe during the summer before junior year (or any college summer), money towards a car, or money in a bank account for him, etc. if he chose school #3 and saved some family money. He may end up quickly appreciating the free ride when there’s something “in it for him” ;)</p>

10

<p>abasket:</p>

<p>Regarding School #2 – I noticed that you specifically mentioned freshman year costs. Is that just because it is hard to know how much the COA will be next year, or is it because you have a reason to think that the financial aid might be different/less in later years?</p>

11

<p>This decision should be made in the same way your family has made all their decisions.</p>

<p>-When you shop for clothes, you can buy inexpensive, medium, and very expensive.
-When you buy groceries, you can buy cheap (Wal-mart), regular (safeway), or expensive (whole foods market).
-When you bought your kid a bicycle helmet, you could have bought him a cheap one or one that he really liked that cost more.
-When you husband buys things, he can buy cheap, medium, or expensive.</p>

<p>How you make the decision on which college to attend is a personal decision. I can tell you that I would have attended #3, but what works the best for your S is up to you and your family values.</p>

12

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<p>Thank you thank you thank you for posting this…</p>

<p>I get a lot of flack on here for saying paying high amounts for tuition is not necessarily worth the money. I am glad someone else agrees on here.</p>

13

<p>TheAnalyst, I like cost-benefit comparison - great idea. That could work with H. </p>

<p>S is middle child. Older D will be a college senior next year (who we ended up paying a couple K more than S’s choice #2 for her perfect-fit-has-been-a-wonderful-experience school) so she will be done (on our dollar anyway :slight_smile: ) and we have one more child who won’t enter college until 2015 (if my math is right!). </p>

<p>A good chunk of the fin aid offered for #2 is merit which is there as long as his grades are there. I am calling today to ask about the grant $$$ to get better clarification on how that might vary from year to year. School #2 also offered work study which son wanted to participate in, where as currently #1 and #3 did not offer. </p>

<h1>2 seems like a no-brainer to me too. I just wish/hope H would think the same. :(</h1>

14

<p>If you can afford #1 or #2, which it sounds like you can, then do that. Your S has no interest in school #3. College is an investment and sometimes paying more money is worth it. I would not force my S to go to a full pay unless that was his only option. I want him to go where he will thrive and where he wants to attend. </p>

<p>Congrats on your S being the valedictorian. Again, if it is financially feasible, doesn’t he deserve to go where he wants?</p>

15

<p>Everything worthwhile requires sacrifice. I’m sure that your S has all these options because he worked hard/sacrificed to achieve. #2 sounds perfect, even more so than #1 because he can continue his sport (our daughter has continued her sport at a D3 LAC and it has been a fabulous experience in every way). If the option were between full pay and full ride, my advice would be different, but I think the sacrifice on your part for him to attend #2 is reasonable rather than onerous. #3 just sounds plain wrong for him.</p>

16

<p>I don’t believe in “enticing” kids to make choices. It’s just me. I think the discussion has nothing to do with your son and every bit to do with your husband. You two are not on the same page. Been there and done that. It took many discussions bordering on arguments why we should spend alittle more (that we could afford) to send S1 where we did. Husband did not see why a far closer school that was so inexpensive to us it was vitually “free” but bigger would not “do.” Our son clearly, clearly wanted the other school but would do what we told him. I wanted him to go where he clearly wanted. Our compromise was that I would work a couple more years than what I had originally planned (H is retired, I work.) Something I was very willing to do since I actually like working and wasn’t quite ready to stop to let S go to the college he wanted. Little did we know the economy would tank and I’d end up pushing my retirement out anyway so it all works out somehow. Husband went to local state school, I went to private. Husband paid his own way. Parents paid mine. We just needed to find a compromise that we both could live with. But I do think this is between your husband and you if your son is serious about #2 over #3. If your son doesn’t care then it is abit of a no-brainer and send him to #3. I would have done that also if son didn’t care…</p>

17

<p>We have a very similar situation - S has a full ride at a Big 10 vs Cornell (with very good FA years 1,3,& 4 - when he has a sibling in college at the same time). My H says take the full ride. My S and I vote for Cornell.</p>

<p>I love the analogy from TheAnalyst - I am definitely going to use that argument! My H drives a very nice car AND just bought a Harley motorcycle (Can you say mid-lif crisis?)</p>

<p>He’s not pushing too hard, but I know he will be griping about it for 4 years - it would be nice to get him to see the cost-benifit comparison.</p>

18

<p>It’s helpful to know that some others have been in my “boat”. </p>

<p>S does care and talks about wanting the “full” college experience - for him, that means campus with activity, sports, students who stay on weekends, etc. I think he was hoping that schools #1 and #2 would have offered a bit more so it wouldn’t be such an issue - heh, I of course being a CC person KNEW that we couldn’t expect THAT much!</p>

<p>I think my H is suffering from that syndrome known as “getting cheaper as you get older”. I,on the other hand, feel like “have less stuff to get better stuff”. Obviously, that’s OUR problem to work out. </p>

<p>A piece of me wonders if he just doesn’t want S to go farther away (3 hours vs. less than 1 hour). The whole thing puzzles me, and he just isn’t willing to discuss it much. Frustrating.</p>

19

<p>abasket, H and I are in the same boat about money and college, but he is not comfortable with the idea of our younger one going further away. This will be our tug-of-war but not for another year when her search will begin. </p>

<p>It would be interesting to delve deeper to see if your H’s reluctance is somewhat tied up with the location in addition to the money. As others have said on other threads recently, this is an emotional time for both the student and their parents–major decisions, money, emotions and opinions. Can May 1st come any sooner?</p>

20

<p>Three hours? You mean driving? That would not be a consideration! (though come to think of it, summer is a-comin’ and I’ve lost my free lawn-mowing service now that both Ss are gone :))
I’d go with #2 if the finaid requirements are not excessive (i.e. having to maintain a 3.5 or whatever GPA, which is not all that easy, especially freshman year and often leads to overcautious, un-challenging course choices). The gap is not excessive and your S might in fact benefit from having to work and to contribute to his expenses.</p>