Be a good person

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>And grade my essay.</p>

<p>Thanks. :)</p>

<p>Statement: Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>Essay:
[quote]
Change is omnipresent in all aspects of our world. In the words of pre-Socratic philosopher Heraclitus, one can never bathe in the same river twice. In this ever-changing world, one cannot help but question the direction of our change. Is the world better than it was before, as many would like to believe? Is it worse, as the authors of dystopian fiction predicted it would be? Our world is, in fact, better than it was in the past. Technological advancements and increased freedoms and civil liberties have had a positive impact throughout the world.</p>

<p>Technological advancements in recent years have improved quality of life. In modern society, it would be nearly impossible for a disease to take as many lives as the bubonic plague did in the 14th century. Even the age-old tuberculosis disease is now but an easily cured ailment. Moreover, increased communications have made it easier for people to contact far-away loves ones, who are now just a phone call away. Advances in technology have leaked into every facet of human life, making it both easier and better.</p>

<p>Throughout the beginning of the 20th century, much of the world was plagued with totalitarian regimes. Civil liberties were highly restricted, and the oppression and suffering of millions could be felt internationally. However, after World War II devastated much of Europe, observers could see a trend towards democracy with a higher emphasis on individual freedom. Now, people in almost all regions of the world do not feel unable to voice their disagreement with national authority, nor do they feel oppressed in any way. Greater acceptance of marginalized groups has also been felt, as evidenced through the wide acclaim of female writers such as Margaret Atwood. This trend towards liberty has influenced the lives of many, always in a positive manner.</p>

<p>Our world is changing for the better. Technology has entered all areas of life, rendering it both better for all groups of people in the world. A trend towards freedom and democracy has been occurring worldwide for much of the 20th century, and is still continuing. All of these changes are positive, and, though one may not not bathe in the same river twice, one surely would not want to.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>What do you think? I feel like my examples weren't extremely specific, but I couldn't come up with anything better. I don't feel like I did too badly, though.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>i feel it's like a 11 to 12 essay. In the intro, don't say freedom and civil liberties, it misleads me. I thought you were going to talk about those two separately. BUt overall, your essay is sick.</p>

3

<ol>
<li> Too much introduction…save the energy and write more in your analysis</li>
<li> Personally, I think your second example is not quite strong; on the top of his head, the grader could probably make out several counterpoints</li>
<li> Haha, clever concluding sentence. (It totally cracked me…I’m not sure if it was meant to, but…) </li>
<li> Overall, I thought it lacked just a little voice.</li>
<li> So what about a 10-12? </li>
</ol>

<p>Actually, my SAT tutoree and I were doing that practice question last night (talk about coincidences, haha).
Thesis: No, it’s changing for the worse.
1. Lack of morality: literature back then (Scarlet Letter) made a big deal out of things such as adultery, but nowadays it’s too common (she had a personal example about her parents)
2. Fall of traditions and happiness: traditionally—back then it was rare to find a divorced couple; these days it’s rare to find a married one. Along with this fall comes more families torn apart by alcoholic parents, suicidal children, etc.
3. Decrease in general health: back then people died early from nature; nowadays, people die early from their own inventions: cars, planes, obesity, drugs, alcohol, etc.
Conclusion: Sure, our world is progressing, but along with that progression comes the degradation of the mind, which outweighs any sort of positive change. </p>

<ul>
<li>I thought the essay was fairly well executed and told her it was an eleven, but the fact that her thesis was SO negative (SAT people, remember, like “perfect world” stuff), might put her at a disadvantage.</li>
</ul>

4

<p>rockermcr, can you walk me through how you thought of the essay? Were you like kind of freestyling? or do you think before you write?</p>

5

<ol>
<li><p>Your thesis says that technologies and freedoms "have had a positive impact throughout the world." But that's really too general. Your thesis should speak towards HOW they positively impacted the world. </p></li>
<li><p>You set yourself up to write a really persuasive essay, but your examples
are too skimpy. On technology, there are only three true supporting sentences. And your discussion of WWII is too general. Any concrete examples of its destruction? Any concrete examples of how WWII led to
democracy/freedom? You haven't created a thread of logic that links WWII to these things, you just expect us to take your word for it.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>With that said, your writing is solid and the essay is 5...it's just not persuasive enough to warrant a 6.</p>

6

<p>Thanks for the comments, everyone.</p>

<p>I feel like this essay was distinctly more poetic than any I've written before, and I'm sure you'll agree if you've read some of the older ones I posted here.</p>

<p>The problem with my essays is that I either write about something too specific and make little sense or write about something too general and sound like I don't know what I'm talking about. I just have to find a happy middle by next weekend.</p>

<p>
[quote]
4. Overall, I thought it lacked just a little voice.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Could you clarify?</p>

<p>shuaishuaishuai, I don't really know how I thought about it. I just saw the prompt and the first thing that came to mind was medical advancements in recent years. I thought that was too general, so I wrote about technology in general, and I'm not sure if it worked well. I did AP comp. gov't last year and I have a solid knowledge of international politics, so I didn't have very much trouble making the second paragraph. I never really plan exactly what I'm going to write. I've read a lot, so I can usually tell if something that I'm writing sounds good or not (I seem to have lost this ability with most of my SAT essays, though) and I just basically go with the flow. And I'm in IB philosophy so I didn't have any trouble coming up with the Heraclitus quote.</p>

<p>Anyone else?</p>

7

<p>What I was saying was that the SAT essay is really meant to be written as something that’s a half way point between a blatant: “I think blah because” and the academic “The evidence suggests blah”. In your essay, I’d say it leaned a bit towards the academic “the evidence suggests blah” instead of former, and it would be good if you shifted it a bit the other way.</p>

<p>That’s just me XD Maybe I’m just being my usual censorious self again O_<</p>

8

<p>Yeah, you're write. I'll keep that in mind.</p>

9

<p>Wow, haha, I haven't made that mistake in a number of years. I mean, "you're right."</p>

<p>This is my last or second last essay before the October SAT, so I'm just wondering if anyone else could possibly comment on it.</p>