Grade my SAT essay? Need essay HELP as well!

<p>"There is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War."</p>

<p>Is the world changing for the better? Plan and write an essay in which...</p>

<p>I was originally planning to write three paragraphs - the third paragraph on current and future economic instability, with the looming breakdown of Social Security being my example, but had to skip it, reasons being:
1) ran out of space (I just managed to squeezed in a conclusion)
2) ran out of time
Do you guys have any suggestions on what I can do so as to not repeat this on the real SATs? I frequently find myself intending to write three body paragraphs, but then realizing I'm short on space/time and writing only two.
In addition, I didn't even have time to reread my writing. Afterward, I realized that there were so many juvenile mistakes that easily could have been fixed with a simple reread. Are there any tips on how to save time? Compiling the examples only took me a minute this time, but it's the lengthy writing I do that seems to take up all the time. Am I making my body paragraph descriptions too long? I feel like I'm summarizing the entire length of the book, but without, my argument would be unsubstantiated...?</p>

<p>Any suggestions, corrections, and tips of improvement would be SO appreciated. Thank you!</p>

<pre><code> In today’s world, things have certainly taken a turn for the worse. Prevalent trends signify a decrease in morals and societal ethics, along with an increase in societal ignorance in the future. Among many morbid indicators of future decrease in quality of life, the corruption of values in The Great Gatsby and government censorship and disturbing societal apathy in Fahrenheit 451 best illustrate the world’s ominous future.
F. Scott Fitzgerald’s legendary novel, The Great Gatsby, revolves around the decline of the American Dream. The protagonist, wealthy Jay Gatsby, has only attained his high social standing in an effort to impress and win back his love, Daisy Buchanan. He is initially able to rekindle the sparks of their relationship, but upon Daisy’s discovery that Gatsby’s rise to eminence involved extensive use of chicanery – bootlegging and sales of stolen securities among the most notorious – she immediately rejects him and reasserts her allegiance to her husband. Gatsby did, indeed, use trickery as a means to gain his wealth, but he only aspired to become wealthy in order to prove himself worthy of Daisy. However, he still loses the only thing of value to him – Daisy’s love and respect. At the time the novel was being written, in the early twentieth century, Fitzgerald already recognized signs that the American Dream was being corrupted – instead of representing individualism and happiness, it was already becoming nothing more than a pursuit of wealth. Even a century ago, the deterioration of social values in exchange for superficial ones was already begun; by now, the decline of ethics has and will progress to beyond an irreparable point.
In Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, government censorship has turned society into a mass of brainwashed, unintelligent, and apathetic beings. In the futuristic, technology-based, seemingly utopian society, even books are censored, and thus, banned, seeing as they contain riveting ideas that the government does not want the brainwashed mass to be exposed to. The result: society has come to a productive standstill, with the government making all important decisions for the sluggish mass. With governmental interference, and even censorship, already prevalent in the current society, as well as a population that is increasingly dependent on technology, it is dangerously possible that in the future, society will become as government and technology-reliant, as well as apathetic, as that portrayed in the novel.
Even authors writing from the twentieth century were able to identify future (now completely true and present) themes, such as the corruption of values and loss of individualism, as well as government censorship and reliance. Society has far veered from its once abundance of intelligence to harboring a mass of needy, indifferent citizens. No doubt, the condition of the world and society as a whole has and will continue to deteriorate.
</code></pre>

<p>bump - 10 char:)</p>

<p>bump 10 chars</p>

<p>and is probably repelling everyone here :P</p>

<p>10 or 11 over 12</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1002550-i-think-one-my-best-sat-essays-so-far.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1002550-i-think-one-my-best-sat-essays-so-far.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>This essay is quite verbose and contains some grammatical awkwardness. Your third paragraph would have made the essay a lot stronger - as it is now, it doesn’t relate to the prompt that well and simply seems like a summary of The Great Gatsby (which is an overused example in SATs). The Fahrenheit 451 paragraph helps a bit to tie things together (although it’s also very commonly used in SAT essays) but is not elaborated enough. I think a 7 or 8 out of 12 for these reasons.</p>

<p>You should have more than sufficient time to write a third paragraph (and to finish the second one adequately). My advice is, don’t stop to think, just write, and then afterwards correct errors or clear things up a bit. You could have made your first paragraph slightly shorter, as well.</p>

<p>The simple answer to your question about how to avoid the 3 paragraph trap is simple – don’t do it. Good SAT essays do three things: They answer the prompt directly, they list at least 2 examples and develop them fully, they use proper essay structure (an introduction that LISTS the examples to be developed, body paragraphs for each example, and a conclusion). </p>

<p>Your essay is out of focus. Attack the prompt, tie in your examples to the prompt, and sum it all up in an over-the-top way in the conclusion to score well on the SAT essay. The only time you would have 3 body paragraphs is if you chose 3 examples to develop, or if you develop an example from a different angle not related to the first. Do not restrict yourself to having 3 every time. Think “one paragraph per example” and go from there.</p>

<p>Alright. Less summary, more analysis and relevance.
Thanks!</p>