<p>Kids are pretty resilient, much better at recovery than the parents.</p>
<p>In my case, my S1 got an EA from a school not his first choice but very prestigious in his chosen field, and is waiting for the RD outcomes. </p>
<p>Ever since last Dec 15 (when he got the EA), I have been doing all sorts of research to find more about that school (should have done that BEFORE he applied), and "pumping it up": why that school is a perfect match for him, wow, what career boost he can get from that school in his chosen field, etc.......... I did this, because due to the lackluster EC, the top choices were truly crapshoots - after he got an EA, he only applied to schools that are super difficult to get into. I have been preparing four months now for potential rejections....</p>
<p>Now, if he gets into his top choice in two weeks, that will be a very pleasant surprise. If not, I don't think it will be a blow to him - just a little hurt ego, that's it.</p>
<p>I have had 2 sons waitlisted at their top choices. Getting off the WL in both cases was highly unlikely so they were the same as rejections. The oldest was really convinced he was going to get in and was very angry when he didn't. In both cases I let the boys fume for a few days. When they talked about how unfair it was, I essentially agreed with them and let them vent. After a couple of days, I sat down with each one and said that we needed to start looking at the options that were remaining. I didn't cheerlead for any of the remaining schools, just presented the options and asked for their opinions. </p>
<p>Son #1 was easily able to choose his second choice. Son #2 needed another visit to make his decision. We supported whatever it was that they needed to make the choice. I think that listening and rationality can go a long way in helping your child get past the disappointment.</p>
<p>good suggestion, take your son on a climbing trip, do the grand teton or rainier or whitney, they will really value this, especially if you do it with them. also, amazingly, you see a lot less friction in the relationship after this.</p>
<p>The best way to cope with rejection is preemptively understand that one's own value is not based on external agreements.</p>
<p>^^^about Brown Parent's comment...</p>
<p>We feel the same way in our house. We do everything we can to not allow our daughter to fall into the trap of the "dream school." She is currently visiting schools (10th grader) and although she has eliminated some, we discourage her from "ranking" the others. We have encouraged her to put the schools she visits into three catagories (Just like her favorite Ice Cream store) Like it, Love It, Gotta Have it. This way she can group schools without having to say this is my number one choice, my number two choice, etc. Once we are done "college shopping" we will probably encourage her to apply to Love Its and Gotta have its. She even jokes that there is a fourth catagory called "Hate It" and that is where the schools that mail a rejection letter go. I think it is also important as you support your applying student, you as a parent keep their feet on the ground by reminding them 2400 SAT 4.0 kids get rejected by the top 10 every year. It is about perspective and keeping the house of cards in check.</p>
<p>This is their first taste of the real world. There is the possibility of rejection and opportunity every day and every where. I think it's healthy for kids to experience setbacks while they are still in their familiar surroundings. Getting rejected by schools number 1-4 is much less worrisome to me than the fear of my kids not being able to handle a setback while enrolled at choice 1. My son overcame a setback last year, and I was able to take great comfort in the way he handled it. Everything in his life went perfectly before then. I saw distraught kids in college when they got their first B. In one case, several families saved up to send this kid to college in this country.</p>
<p>I also think it's a good idea to plan ahead. Right now my son has Vanderbilt and Stanford as top choices and Pittsburgh and Tulane as safe schools. It's absolutely insane to think that there's no significant overlap here and I try to make sure that that point gets through. </p>
<p>I think that in general Utopian thinking is a pretty dangerous thing, whether we're talking about romance, about politicians, about colleges, about anything. You're counting on other people to make you happy and just setting yourself up for some pretty awful letdowns.</p>
<p>I'd much rather my son goes to Pitt and takes charge of his education than that he goes to Stanford with some nutty idea that they're going to take care of him.</p>
<p>Reading this has helped a lot. I'm dealing with a DD who did not get into UCLA yesterday.</p>
<p>
[quote]
In my case, my S1 got an EA from a school not his first choice ... and is waiting for the RD outcomes. </p>
<ul>
<li>after he got an EA, he only applied to schools that are super difficult to get into. I have been preparing four months now for potential rejections....</li>
</ul>
<p>Now, if he gets into his top choice in two weeks, that will be a very pleasant surprise. If not, I don't think it will be a blow to him - just a little hurt ego, that's it.
[/quote]
This was exactly the experience we had. I know that DS would have liked the acceptance to the HYPSM school. But we didn't truly expect it (in fact, he had strong merit $$ from the EA school, so it would have been a tough decision).</p>
<p>My S was dejected for, I truly believe, about 15 minutes when the rejection came from his one HYPSM school. He really liked his EA school without us having to "promote" it.</p>
<p>Bummer, jnrsmom...</p>
<p>My daughter was rejected at 3 and waitlisted at 2 the day ivies sent out notifications. She did not receive any acceptance that day. I just came back from my over sea business trip. I rocked her to sleep, then I cried. </p>
<p>We grieved together. I let her know I understood why she was disappointed. At the same time we let her know we were not disappointed in her, and she shouldn't let the college process define her high school success. We let her cry it out before we started to consider her options. We were very proud of how she was able to pick herself up and moved on. She did get off both waitlisted schools and is very happy at one of them. </p>
<p>On mother's day that year she thanked me for standing by her and always believing in her.</p>
<p>How long did she have to wait before the waitlist decisions came, oldfort? I only hope that it didn't drag out all summer long...</p>
<p>The HS school S1 attended and S2 is attending has a wall reserved for rejection letters. The kids bring in their letters and hang them on the wall. It helps to see one is not alone and that great kids with great stats get turned down. The kids really like it and it takes the edge off the rejection. I remember how excited S1 got when he received a rejection letter, he couldn't wait to get to school to post it. A couple of kids who did not have any rejections actually said they felt left out. I don't know how common it is to have a wall of rejection, but it sure seems to help.</p>
<p>For some kids the worst part is not the rejection, but learning of a classmate's acceptance to their dream school--especially if they feel that the classmate was not as well-qualified. Here's where previous experience in having applied for jobs or programs, or having auditioned for performance groups can be helpful. Have the student look back analytically at these experiences to remind himself that often things do happen for a reason and that reason is often completely unrelated to talent, intelligence, or ability. Weren't there times when something they wanted didn't come through for them, but it turned out that there was something even better waiting for them instead--it just hadn't become available yet? Or, "rejections" could have been due to the prejudices or political needs of others and therefore were not true rejections. My friend's son was quite talented in musical theater, but never seemed to get any larger roles because he was Indian and the music teachers simply couldn't picture him in most roles in typical Broadway-style plays because he didn't look the part. This student was bitter at first, but then came to terms with the unfortunate reality and moved on successfully to Plan B. The student should look at college rejections in the same way--they're not personal.</p>
<p>Good point The GFG. It was harder today for DD when she saw her friends at school, especially those close to her who knew how badly she wanted UCLA. It was probably hard for them, too.</p>
<p>She was off waitlists the first week of May, by mother's day we had a celebration.</p>
<p>Lesson for D2 - not to talk up any school or fall in love with any school until results are in. I would not let D2 have any idea which school we prefer, or which school is "better."</p>
<p>I'm not sure from your post if this was a reach school, but if so, the following acknowleges the rejection and his sadness, offers praise, and looks to the future:</p>
<p>We knew that this was a reach, and good for you, you went for it! I'm so proud of you for that. I know this stings, and that's okay, and it may take time to accept. But I promise you: You will feel better eventually and you will find a school that will be right for you.</p>
<p>I agree, GFG. I think my S took it harder when he didn't make the middle school travel basketball team. But that experience of rejection, definitely painful, helped prepare him for future things not going his way. And moving on from it.</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>She was off waitlists the first week of May, by mother's day we had a celebration.<<</p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>Good...not Waitlist Purgatory then.</p>
<p>I'm going to print out your little talk, Oldfort. I'm guessing that I'll have reasons to use it come April. This year has been a brutal one for the Ought-Niners, with miniscule acceptance rates at some of the popular colleges.</p>