<p>So, I'm a student, but I wanted to get input from the parents in this forum.</p>
<p>My parents and I have never been very close at all, and we've only drifted further apart since I went to boarding school. At this point, it's looking like they're going to have almost no involvement with the college admissions process.</p>
<p>I wouldn't say I need them to be involvedI am very independent, and have a great counselor. However, I do <em>want</em> their involvement. I don't like how distant we've become and want to make sure they can have some impact on such an important decision.</p>
<p>So, parents, what's the best way to involve my parents in the admissions process?</p>
<p>I’m not a parent but what I’ve found when dealing with people in general is that like to feel needed, no doubt especially your parents. I think you should be direct and explain that you’d love their perspective and help with college applications, perhaps be specific in how you envisage them being able to help you.</p>
<p>I would avoid saying anything negative e.g. “you haven’t been helping me with XYZ”, that may make them feel accused and defensive. Stick to positive requests “Can you read my essay” or “can you come with me to Visit College X I’d like to know what you think”. </p>
<p>“However, I do <em>want</em> their involvement. I don’t like how distant we’ve become…”</p>
<p>Why not have this conversation first? They may think that you want to be left alone. They may not know how best to help, but be eager to do so. Or they may be afraid that ‘meddling’ would push you further away.</p>
<p>Try to define for yourself what you want from them and give them examples. And be patient if they blow it by getting too involved or involved in the wrong way. Most of us parents only get on the job training, so mistakes are inevitable.</p>
<p>If it’s easier for you to go straight to the college discussion, you can start with some open-ended questions about their college experience - liked most, liked least, would do differently this time; how they chose their college and would they use the same criteria; what kind of schools do they think you should consider - and the old favorite, are there constraints on where you can apply based on finances or other factors.</p>
<p>Blood is always thicker than water. Try to communicate to your parents and let them know your needs. It takes two to tangle. You have to make an effort from your perspective.</p>
<p>Would you like them to help you come up with a list of colleges to consider? </p>
<p>Would you like them to take you to visit some different colleges?</p>
<p>As others have suggested, you could ask them to read your essays.</p>
<p>Most importantly, you should talk to them about paying for college – find out what they are willing and able to pay per year toward your college expenses. If it’s not enough to pay the full cost of attendance at the type of school you are interested in, you need to figure out how you’ll pay. You should certainly look for schools where you are assured good merit aid for your stats. You may also need them to share financial information with you or have them take up the financial aid piece of the job to figure out if you’re likely to get any need-based financial aid.</p>
<p>Once you have the initial discussion, some ways to include your parents would be on college tours, or even just asking their opinion on some of your college ideas. They most likely will be paying for the school, so it would help to know what they are willing to pay, and if they have any location limitations, etc. Who knows, they may have some insight into particular schools, know alumni, etc.</p>
<p>kameronsmith–Think back to when you were applying to boarding schools. Granted, this was a different process when you were at a different age … but do you remember anything in particular that your parents did that was especially helpful … e.g., did they proofread your essays or other application materials? Did they take you on visits to the schools you were considering and perhaps include interesting outings in the town or city near the schools so you could get a sense of where you might be heading? If there are any memories you have of helpful input from them back then, maybe some of this could be replicated during your college search and application process.</p>
<p>Did your parents go to college? Maybe you can start by asking them their opinions of the schools they went to. Then from there you can discuss whether or not those schools would be a good fit for you and what others schools might suit you better. Then maybe you can discuss going on a trip together to visit some of those schools. Like others said, your parents likely don’t realize you want them to be involved. Good luck.</p>
<p>Based on your feedback, I talked to my parents today about their college experiences and how they can be involved. They agreed to read my essays and take a look at my list of schools, but I’m still looking for ways to get them involved.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, trips aren’t really too much of an option since I am at boarding school and really only will be coming home for winter break.</p>
<p>
Neither of my parents’ schools would fit me at all. Both of them went to state universities significantly below the caliber of the schools I’m looking at, which is part of the reason that it’s tough for them to help. Since they both come from working class backgrounds and have mostly worked with their hands their entire life, they don’t have much of a reference frame for these colleges. (Ex. they didn’t know Williams was a college until I told them.)</p>
<p>“they didn’t know Williams was a college until I told them.”</p>
<p>I am a parent and i want to share with you that I had to read up on all the colleges on my daughter’s list since i had no clue whatsoever when we as family sat down to initiate the whole process . Two years down the line i can say proudly i can give you more info on college details in US and UK than I had ever imagined that i was capable of or was humanly possible. I can maybe write a thesis and earn a doctorate, ahh… just kiddding. Seriously they will love to learn is all i can say.</p>
I have no idea why you jumped from discussing a good fit for you in colleges to your parents’ universities. This is about a conversation which seems to be just what you want. They will learn something about you (invaluable since they have afforded you the opportunity to attend boarding school) and you can learn more about them (needed from what I’ve inferred from your posts).</p>
<p>A good friend’s husband asked me 2 years ago if Williams was a good college. He was the CEO of his own company, went to our state school, but he didn’t know about Williams until he was taking his son there for a summer school.</p>
<p>@anialways: Thanks… I do hope it’s an opportunity for them to learn a little.</p>
<p>@Erin’s Dad: Well, I was merely providing some commentary on the suggestion about my parents’ colleges being a good fit. I will definitely discuss my thoughts with them more as I narrow down the list.</p>
<p>Oh, and for the record my parents don’t pay for my school.</p>
<p>@oldfort: Haha, thanks for the anecdote. I guess that’s part of being small LAC, though thankfully my parents have started doing some research.</p>
<p>Your parents may not be as well-educated as you hope to become, but they are probably much smarter than you think. Be careful about discounting them in any way. They will enjoy learning if involved in this process, and you will, too. I suspect that they are intimidated by your good education and I agree with Erin’s Dad that you would very likely benefit from learning more about your parents through this process, and visa-versa. Sometimes it’s hard not to be embarrassed over our parents. In most families, each generation hopes to provide better opportunities for the next, but in the process older generations are viewed as lacking.</p>
<p>If your parents are internet-savvy, you might ask them to research several of your college choices giving them specific parameters. They could save you a great deal of time by helping you eliminate schools that don’t meet your criteria. You’ll quickly learn if this is a strength of theirs. If it’s not, you might get them phone numbers to anonymously call for the information. Either way, they will learn enough to converse with you and hopefully meaningful discussions will ensue. </p>
<p>I know you say your parents don’t pay for your education, but they must have supported you in many ways over the years for you to want them involved in your life. You sound like a wise person to realize their value. I wish you and them the best in this busy year to come.</p>
He was the CEO of his own company, went to our state school, but he didn’t know about Williams until he was taking his son there for a summer school.</p>