<p>Hello CC parents! I am a senior from PA who attends a Philadelphia area Catholic school. Like the vast majority of people at my school, I am applying to colleges. The big difference between my peers and I is that my mom isn't too involved in my college search. She has really been little to no help to me, basically forcing me to go through the whole admissions process by myself. I can understand why she is like this though. When she was a senior in high school, she was pregnant with me; therefore, college wasn't a realistic option for her. Her pregnancy, coupled with the fact that she went to the worst district in Pennsylvania during the 90's and even today, made college a foreign concept to her. Today, she attends Temple University pursuing a degree in Psychology. She encourages me to expand my educational boundaries and chase my dreams in college, but when I try to talk to her about how my applications are going, she doesn't even seem interested. I can't wait to see how she reacts when I actually get accepted somewhere! So what can I do to get her more involved in my college search? I definitely can't go to my dad because he didn't even graduate high school! I've seen people on CC complain about their parents helping them with the whole admissions process, but I actually yearn for some insight and guidance from my mom once in a while.</p>
<p>Honestly, there just might not be much she can help you with. I went through the exact same thing when I was in high school and eventually I just gave up. Now I’m going through the same thing with grad school apps and I get a lot more support from my CC “parents” than I do my real ones. What I’ve come to realize though is that my parents mean well, but they just don’t understand. They both barely graduated high school and they just don’t understand what the whole college process is like. It took me a while to realize that though. And even though your mom is in college, the whole applying as a senior thing is foreign to her. </p>
<p>You might just want to wait until you get acceptances and she can see how excited you are about them. That might help! Unfortunately though, there’s really no way to make a parent get involved. </p>
<p>I’m sure your mom is proud of you, but she just might not know how she can help you. Don’t be too hard on her. You’ll be fine :)</p>
<p>Your difficulty is common among first generation college students. Make sure you know what your family’s financial limits are, and then have a good talk with your counselor at school. Sometimes you’ll be pleasantly surprised (and sometimes they are useless, too) </p>
<p>The important thing to remember is that your parents love you.</p>
<p>OP: Considered yourself blessed that your parents have so much faith & confidence in your ability to choose well. With all the available info. on the internet, in videos & from USNews, selecting colleges & universities is much less a mysterious process today than it was 20 years ago.
If you need suggestions, then post the relevant material & I suspect that you’ll be overwhelmed with surrogate parents willing to assist you.</p>
<p>I understand that she doesn’t help much, but it may be particularly important for her to help with the financial aid forms, and they need to be filled out early next year - 2013. You might want to mention that to her now, especially if you will need aid. I wound up filling out even the financial aid forms when I was going to college, because my mom knew nothing about the process. Of course my kids wish I would STOP bothering them about their college stuff. There are many parents on CC ready to help where we can. Good luck.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies everyone! I won’t be so hard on her; instead, I will just come here with questions!</p>
<p>I probably shouldn’t read too much into it, but there may be a lot of unexplored feelings on her part during this time in your life. #1 Most parents find this to be a very emotional time as we face the fact that our baby is leaving us. Some of us react by pulling into a shell (though probably no one here on CC). #2 I wonder if subconsciously she is reliving a bit of her own traumatic time at the same age. This whole situation is a bit loaded. </p>
<p>Since she’s majoring in psychology, she’d probably be open to a frank discussion. Perhaps you should take this opportunity to sit down with her and ask her to be more involved. Tell her how much you’ve looked forward to sharing this with her. She might be trying to let you be independent. Some kids might prefer that. But it’s okay if you don’t want that. This is a really special time for both of you and perhaps you need to give her a direct invitation to be involved.</p>
<p>Also, you may be able to get some good advice/feedback from some of your teachers and hopefully your guidance counselor. Since they know you it might actually be better than the varied opinions you might get here ;-)</p>
<p>Is your mom worried about how you’re going to pay for college? Is she afraid that you’re going to be accepted to schools that the family can’t afford?</p>
<p>It seems like often when parents don’t want to get involved it’s because they fear what’s coming up.</p>
<p>Excellent point.</p>
<p>Just ask here then if you need help. Not every parent is cut out for this crazy process that didn’t even exist when we went to college. </p>
<p>Based on the tons of questions I’ve answered on the common ap forum from students, those kids don’t have moms searching up the answers either. </p>
<p>You may find that once you are closer to the final decisions to be made, like school A or school B, that your mom steps up and helps you.</p>
<p>My D and I operate on very different biological clocks. I am at my best in the morning. She is at her best late at night. I work full time and am in grad school working on a Master’s. She tended to come to me with things at 10 pm, after I’d been on the go between work, prepping dinner and doing homework, for 16 hours. I really couldn’t function mentally at the times she was coming to me to talk about college stuff. We started to set aside specific times for college application discussions… times that worked well for both of us. </p>
<p>I also struggled a little because choosing a college is really pretty personal and I wanted her to explore what she was looking for in a college independently. </p>
<p>My advice is to think about what kind of help you want from your mom, explain it to her (not when she’s studying for finals or something though!), and make “dates” with her to focus on college stuff.</p>
<p>OK, doc. If I remember what you’ve told us:</p>
<p>Your mom is making about $60,000 a year. Sounds like full-time work, maybe even overtime.</p>
<p>She’s going to school to get her own degree.</p>
<p>You have 3 siblings. So she’s trying to take care of a house and 4 children.</p>
<p>I suspect your mom is simply exhausted. She’s supportive (paying to send you to a good school) but doesn’t have the attention and energy for the details.</p>
<p>But we love you anyway.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it, just post here or talk to your school counselor. Lots of (most?) parents don’t run the process, the ones on CC are just a wonderful anomaly. 
My parents aren’t doing much either, they have a pretty outdated view. I mean, it’s nice to be told that I’ll get in everywhere and to stop worrying, but…</p>