<p>yep, my S went only two and half hours from home but rarely comes home, refuses to email and mostly calls me for quick "sound bites" when he is on the way to class or work or the gym. I guess that way it's always easy for him to say "Mom, I gotta go",lol. He might as well be ten hours away.</p>
<p>My neighbor(and close friend) was struck so hard with the blues when her D left for college last Aug. It was really pathetic how she moped around and stayed in the house all the time being depressed. And the D only went 3 hours away and was never went more than 3 weeks without seeing them the whole school year! The Mom called or IM'd her every night. I felt so sorry for the D because the Mom did a lot of crying (she told me) making it obvious to the D how miserable her leaving had made Mom. Talk about guilt complex. The D is now home for the summer and the Mom is on cloud nine. I have a feeling she'll be back in the doldrums when Aug. rolls around again.</p>
<p>Does you think you S/D's relationships with family affected your emotional adjustment to their departure? My D has been declaring her independence for the past 2 years in many ways--like refusing to eat meals with family home or out to dinner, rejecting activities that involve family togetherness (like road trips), and generally avoiding together time and conversation as much as possible. She lets us parents know regularly that she does not relish our company. I would have been worried but for the fact that she still, in her own time and way, talked with me about the important stuff, and not only kept out of trouble but was a exemplary kid, according to teachers and other parents, and had good friendships. It bothers me that she will leave with these relationships kind of ragged and strained, and with limited opportunity to shift to something more positive. She thinks distance will help. I'm wondering if we won't hear from her during the next 4 years, except when she needs money! I view most of her behavior as part and parcel of adolescence...but wish she would leave us with happier memories of time together. Maybe that's impossible? Or maybe it won't matter in the long run?</p>
<p>Well, my D went 200 miles to college and is settling there; my S went 3000 miles to college and we see him more than than my D... although he's settling 800 miles away. </p>
<p>Try to use the opportunity to let her teach you about a new city.</p>
<p>And how wonderful that she won't have loans! That will look great in four years.</p>
<p>MomPhD: I doubt very much that your D will only contact you about $! My D was much like yours, wanting her independence and not liking my company. Once she was gone, though, she realized very quickly how nice it was to have "home" in the background and all of the stability/comfort that "home" implies. H & I will always love and support her, and she realizes that that counts for a lot in this world.</p>
<p>My S will be going to the west coast for school in the fall. This summer H & I will be taking a long trip with him that will include backpacking. So I am happily occupied enjoying his company, planning the trip/equipment, talking with him about what he wants to take to college and activities for move-in day. I am having no problems now, but fully expect to get pretty sad when we go cold turkey in mid-September. He loves spending time with H & I, and we have long talks about everything. I'll miss him so much. I know there is phone, email etc, but it won't be the same. I am thrilled for him and his future, but it will be a big change that I'll just have to get used to.</p>
<p>A girl in our neighborhood went to the east coast for college, and her mom cried every day for 6 months. The mom survived! I don't even know if I will cry at all. All of us are different and will react in our own way.</p>
<p>MomPhD,
My third D chose a college in Pennsylvania and we live in Southern California. I understand what you are feeling. I also feel sad because I know that most kids stay in the area where they went to college. For us, that means there is a strong likelihood she will remain 3,000 miles away. It breaks my heart, but since she is my third, I know that they do grow up and they do move away and they do have a life independent from their parents. This is what we all wish for our kids. No one, save a few nut cases, wants their kids dependent and close to the purse strings for life. That doesn't mean the transition is not extremely hard! 18 years is a very long time to put someone else before you on a daily basis. Two weeks is nothing. It took me three years to get over my sadness at my oldest leaving. It does get easier, but it does take time. I keep suggesting our in state Universities for grad school for my youngest. ;) </p>
<p>My middle did exactly what your D has done. She pulled away starting as a Sophomore in HS. She is now 22 and is very much in our lives. I think because we let her go, she chose to come back on her own, but there was about four years there that I missed her terribly. She calls and visits all the time now!</p>
<p>Congratulations to your D for receiving such a nice scholarship. I give you a gigantic hug and share your tears, also.</p>
<p>It is so helpful to know that my feelings of grief are normal! My firstborn is leaving for school 2000 miles away soon and I am shocked and embarassed at my emotional response (which I hide from the kids!). I have three more still at home, a full and happy life with many fulfilling activites outside of motherhood, so why am I crying as I fold the laundry (no danger of kids showing up there)? It feels pathetic, but I can't do much about it. I also have this irrational wish to just get this over with and drop her off at school so I can figure out life without her at home. Good to hear that we can survive this and make the transition with some dignity intact.</p>
<p>You can make the transition with dignity! Keep in mind though, as each child leaves the entire dynamics of the family changes. It won't be just you who needs to readjust; younger siblings react, too. But, the house gradually gets quieter and cleaner as each leaves. The water, electric and gas bills go down. You will also find yourself with more time for YOU! Make that dinner the kid would never eat. Go to the movies. Lie in bed with a cup of coffee instead of rushing around every morning. It can be nice, you know. :)</p>
<p>Actually, once we adjusted to the quiet, we rather liked doing things to our own schedule and liking without having to consider the kids. We started getting more expensive items for dinners at home, fish preparations the kids didn't like, good cuts of meat, fresh vegetables we liked. We went out and away for weekends. It really is a good time to refocus and look forward, not back. Yes I missed each one as they left. But change is life and living. No change is death. Look forward to the change in you, your family your college student. It really is a great time of growth.</p>
<p>My mom had a lot of trouble when I went to school and to get out of her funk, she started taking up the hobbies she loved before she had kids. She played tennis, took some art classes and started relearning how to focus on herself. After six months, I was wondering when she was going to call me instead of her wondering when I would call. Hope that helps.</p>
<p>While there may not be much of an actual difference, there is a mental difference when your child goes far away to school. We live overseas and my d just finished her freshman year in the US. She was in a city where we have no connection - no relatives, friends, etc. She came home at Christmas and for the summer (just last week!!!!).
What helped me was spending time on her campus during move in week and for the pre-view weekend. I developed a good mental picture of where she lived. I also developed a lot of excitement and respect for her program and how it really fit her. Even though I miss her terribly, I know she is in a great place and that helps.</p>
<p>I'm getting ready to send my s#2 off to Boston in August, we are in NJ, my oldest is in Philadelphia close to home, since both of my boys have Apple Laptop computers they suggested to my husband that I get an Apple computer so that we could iChat. I was so thrilled on Mother's day when they surprised me with a new computer (I really needed one) that allows me to ask for an iChat with another user and if they are on line, you can speak to them a well as see them and they can see you. I know this is going to help me during those days when I am really missing my boys. I would really recommend it to anyone who has someone far away!</p>