Does anyone have a sense of how safe boarding schools are now? I am talking about the recent reports of abuse that have shown a persistent pattern of negligence on the part of many Bs administrations. I was wondering if anyone knew of any specific steps that have been taken by boarding schools to prevent this from happening again. Do you feel confident and safe about sending your child to boarding school? Thank you.
Parents who send kids to boarding school love their kids very much. Safety is paramount. The selection bias here (parents of kids at boarding school) is going to mean the responses you will get will be predominantly “yes, we feel confident and safe.” If the parents didn’t think bs was safe, they would have chosen not to let their kids go.
That said, I can understand why a parent looking at bs for the first time would be alarmed by the stuff that is out there on the internet. The decision for us was a function of a lot of research on how individual schools deal with security and discipline, and an honest assessment of my specific kid’s independence, good judgment and savvy. Nowhere is risk-free. I sleep well at night in the belief he is as safe (if not more) than he would be at home, but ymmv.
You can read a lot about how various schools have dealt with issues of safety and abuse. There are some schools in particular that have been impressively proactive and open about past issues and how they have dealt with them. I don’t think it is correct to paint bs’s with having a “persistent pattern of negligence on the part of many Bs administrations.”
There are hundreds of bs’s and they wouldn’t survive if they didn’t overall do an excellent job keeping kids safe. Plus, my impression is that schools are very different now than they were 10+ years ago, when a lot of the abuse and safety issues started surfacing. They are more mindful of the safety/abuse issue, and the last thing they want is children being hurt while in their care. The teachers and administrators are parents, too.
Firstly I would say that there is also abuse at day schools and camps and everywhere kids are. I don’t think BS is any less safe than those other places.
Secondly I firmly believe that the most important thing is to teach your kid how not to be a victim. How to speak up for themselves if something starts to happen. How to recognize warning signs in the behavior of others or their own feelings. Of course there are always crimes of chance that no one can protect against but generally if a kid is being groomed for abuse there are signs. Talk about that stuff with your kids. Talk about the difference between good natured rights of passage (freshman haircuts) and actual abuse. Additionally kids need to know their own limits. If that freshman haircut thing feels like abuse to them, they need an avenue to speak up for themselves.
I’m also not 100% sure what you mean by abuse. If you mean an upper class boy having sex with a freshman that’s a big difference (to me) from a predatory teacher.
The schools are hyper aware of the issue (whether teacher abuse or classmate abuse).
The heightened scrutiny by the press and by the authorities has probably resulted in steps designed to almost assure a safe environment at boarding schools.
Many boarding schools have instituted campaigns to encourage current and former student to report any & all concerns about actual & possible abuse.
If you are talking about sexual abuse, just about every BS is on top of that and the kids are also taught what is appropriate in no uncertain terms. I would not say that is a guarantee nothing will happen but odds are high it would be caught and dealt with quickly rather than swept under the rug. Now if you are talking about alcohol or drugs abuse (vaping or prescription stuff like Adderall) that is another story entirely. But that is not limited to boarding schools.
Overall there are big differences in how much oversight and/or freedom the students have among boarding schools. So that is something to consider when choosing a school assuming you have choices come March.
I think this is a valid topic to ask about during revisits.
I believe in many ways boarding schools offer a safer environment than the local public school. Before anyone jumps on me for typing that, please read further.
Yes - inappropriate behaviors, risky behaviors and even some illegal behaviors take place at both public schools, day schools, and boarding schools. One risk factor that most of with kids at BS don’t have to worry about is driving, because most of us on here have boarding students and no cars. I think all of the potentially abusive and risky behaviors could also happen at the home school.
Be open and have discussions BEFORE your student goes away to boarding school @ sex, drinking, vaping, drugs, internet-social media behaviors, relationships, etc. One of the topics we found interesting is @ miscommunication. Can your child advocate for themselves and set boundaries with others?
What seems to be in place at the boarding schools we looked at (can’t speak for all) include the following:
- Plenty of adult supervision throughout the day/night
- Sophisticated security system for accessing buildings/dorms and tracking activities & locations using their key cards.
- Solid structure of set limits & boundaries
- Plenty of activitiies and not a lot of free time
- Low % of day students coming & going on campus (that’s another issue)
- Actively involved dorm parents & proctors
- Open conversations facilitated by faculty on subjects such as sexual activity, drug & alcohol use, relationships, bullying, mental health, etc.
- Access to emotional support, peer counseling, psychologists/counselors and health care if needed.
- Schools really don’t want lawsuits and have developed risk management policies & procedures. There is a lot of time and energy spent @ safety!
Take advantage of Revisit Q & A or panel discussions on these topics, as well as campus security. Do prepare specific questions, rather than going for general topics such as “Can you talk about school safety?”. Be specific with questions.
This was something that was on my mind back when we were choosing a school, primarily things like bullying and hazing; I felt like we were sending a very sheltered young boy into the lions den. I did what research I could and did find some unsettling and relatively recent information on one of the schools we were considering that definitely would have given me pause if it had been DS’s first choice. Although I grilled DS about these things from time to time freshman year, I really have given it little if any thought since then. For a lot of the reasons @Golfgr8 cites, I feel that the kids are well supervised, occupied, and for the most part decent kids who aren’t inclined to be jerks or worse.
We have also gotten updates from the administration about various security measures on campus. At least out in the country, BS campuses seem to be very open and accessible, but there are security measures in place, which you should ask about at revisits.
Working with an independent school board, it seems very clear that risk management generally is a huge priority for schools and their insurers and that it’s a very different works than 2, 3, 4 decades ago. However, questions about safety and security are good topics for revisits.
Thank you all for your responses. I was mostly thinking of abusive teachers and admins but you all brought up other issues as well. I will ask the individual schools about their policies. At first I thought all that stuff was in the past, but apparently some of the cases go up into the 2000s. And yes, talking things through with my child is a must ahead of time. I hate to have to think about it, but that is a parents’ job!
The 2000’s are still the past. ?. Doesn’t feel that way to oldsters like myself, but 2000 was 20 years ago! Sigh
Anyway, the risk management is on a whole nuther level nowadays, esp re sexual abuse. Not to say it can’t happen, but I doubt it is more likely at bs than anywhere else.
I agree - public schools are risky too. Overall, more risky if you ask me. You have to look at the big picture.
My guess is that the biggest risk is other students, not adults, and that they probably fall into the category of “consentual encounter gone too far” rather than “jumped out of the bushes and dragged me to the woods”.
I would definitely talk to my kid about setting and articulating boundaries and make sure they knew that they knew they could come to you if they were uncomfortable about anything that had happened.
One approach would be to read Chessie Prout’s book together and talk about it. It touches on a lot of topics, from wanting to be popular to who influences your choices to the event itself.
I don’t think BS presents a particularly different risk than any high school. And every parent should have this talk with their kids --boys and girls.
If you don’t feel comfortable about the school’s community, you shouldn’t send your kid there. In fact, that’s why I’m here: I could barely tolerate the lousy academics at the LPS, but the realization that district wide there is a culture that has tolerated (sexual) predatory behavior is unacceptable.
In researching BSs, part of the “good fit” I have looked for includes whether I would feel like my child will be in a environment where there are people I can trust.
My only expeience as a boarder at a BS was through an exchange program: I was a day student at a boarding school in the 80’s, and was a boarder for a couple of months at a sister school (Europe). I found boarding at this particular European BS to be very depressing, because several classmates seemed to be there mainly because their parents didn’t want to deal with them; wealthy families, throwaway kids. It was more pleasant to hang with the cafeteria workers’ kids. This particular European BS gained notoriety in the late 90’s due to allegations of the rampant sex abuse during the 70’s and 80’s by the headmaster (boys). Continued revelations did not healp, and the school closed permanently ~5 years ago.
Although I was not abused by teachers as a boarder, and was unaware of the abuse, I did have a negative view of BS based on the behavior of male students, behavior that perhaps was due to the negative climate.
My conclusion: do your research. Use “how safe” as a parameter in your search for a good fit.
I think this is not any more prevalent at BS, in fact when I was researching schools the only instance I could find of teacher/student abuse was at a local day school in the 80s. What is problematic is that you won’t see your kid every day so noticing that something is wrong in the early stages may be harder. I think starting to talk about it NOW is absolutely a great plan. The more informed your kid is and the more open the channel of communication is between you the better.
In terms of kid/kid abuse. Hmm, I think it is so complicated. The fact that legally kids are “adults” way before their brain is adult is problematic. (my daughter believes that one of her friends was removed from school for “dating” a freshman- he was one of my daughters closest friends - they are juniors - and a great guy. Legally though he may have broken the law. It is complicated and horrible.)
Peer pressure can be a really intense thing. Again, not any more intense at BS but again, you aren’t there to see the day to day.
We evaluated about 10 schools between two students.
One factor we used to compare schools was quite simple: the number of dorm parents per student. For example, at School A, a dorm with 38 girls had 3 dorm parents, all resident. At school B, a dorm with 28 girls had 4 resident dorm parents and 3 others who filled in during evenings to give the resident parents a break.
This number can vary among dorms at the same school, so we asked about the largest girls and boys dorms on campus.
My son regularly complains about the level of dorm parent supervision - which makes me glad!
We’ve found [anecdotally] that at some boarding schools, the use of non-prescribed stimulants is much higher than others, a reflection of the level of academic pressure the students feel. Weekend binge drinking seems to be linked. Most schools these days conduct anonymous student “Health Surveys” but not all publish the results.
We’ve found, universally, boarding school administrations trying anything and everything to eliminate vaping. It’s less common than in public schools but hasn’t been eliminated. Policies range from progressively harsher slaps on the wrist to zero-tolerance expulsions, yet it’s still a problem among a small number of students at seemingly every school.
As I mentioned earlier in the thread, we found it interesting that a couple of the single-gender schools we visited use “professional” dorm parents who are not otherwise on faculty - meaning they are not also teachers or coaches. These folks are hired to be dedicated dorm parents. It would be interesting to hear from some of the parents out there in CC-Land what they think about this arrangement, how it works, the pro’s & con’s, etc.
Also just wondering what you are finding regarding use of non-prescribed stimulants. Do you mean stimulant drugs that belong to other kids? That’s pretty serious. Or is it more innocent use of readily available stimulants frequently sold on campus or at 7-11? Red Bull? Monster? Coffee with an espresso shot? FWIW I know of several schools that have really come down hard on Vaping. We know of more drinking compared to any other substances - kids sneak in liquor from home or small airplane bottles - vodka in water bottles, etc.
Are you talking about adderall and other ADHD drugs? If so, they seem to be everywhere, with rampant ADHD diagnoses and many kids having prescriptions they are very easy to come by these days, unfortunately. From what i hear there is far more vaping than traditional drinking/pot smoking on campuses because it is quite invisible and some kids are addicted before they ever get to campus.
Based on the procedures DS goes through, I would be surprised if kids are getting hold of each other’s ADHD meds (though I’m sure I am less clever than a motivated teen). As to drinking/smoking/vaping, DS reports:
- Less vaping on campus than in prior years (or at least it’s more among first years),
- Most of the offenses involve pot; alcohol use is pretty limited,
- The real partying is off campus over breaks (“all my friends are in NYC this weekend partying”), often in the homes of permissive parents,
- Not all but many of the kids who get kicked out don’t really want to be there (some just make bad decisions and do stupid things regardless).
There are no professional dorm parents, just teachers, faculty, administrators (and their families/spouses).
His school really isn’t representative in terms of day vs boarding students since most of the day students are faculty kids, but all those that I know are very high achievers.
Unless your kid’s school is an outlier, they are.