My D starts college Fall-2017. I’m not sure that you would call me a helicopter dad, but I certainly am concerned about her moving out-of-state and living away from home for the first time. I’m worried that I haven’t taught her good study skills, how to eat healthy, regular exercise routines, how to clean a bathroom properly…my list can go on and on. Are there any books that you would recommend she (and maybe even me) read before she starts college?
Self-help books to help her develop better study habits? Any books to help make the adjustment to living away from home? Adjusting socially to college/dorm life? How to make the most of her college experience? Avoiding male upperclassmen??? Maybe it’s really me who needs to see a counselor?
When you fly, force her to lead through the airport with no assistance by you. She’ll figure out the cleaning part and the freshman 15 can do wonders to evaluate fitness and nutrition.
Use the school’s resources for advising and study. Do make sure she understands the expectation in college of study hours to class hours which will vary by school but be much greater than HS (one to three hours of study per hour of class time - maybe more for hard classes).
It is hard to let them go, but I’d say to take a deep breath and trust that you have brought her up right. She will no doubt make mistakes along the way, but the most important thing you can give your D now is to let her know you will always be there for her.
“Designing Your Life” by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. It helps to have some type of plan other than just go to college and graduate. It will give structure and purpose to those early exploratory classes.
Maybe think about hiring a private weightlifting instructor for a few sessions this summer. Many kids want to exercise when they get to college but go to the gym and wander around, do 10 minutes on an elliptical and leave.
The Naked Roommate by Cohen and Jenkins for her (but you can read it, too) and Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years by Coburn and Treeger for you.
LET GO. Trust your parenting skills- she was admitted to the school because they know she can succeed. There will be the needed freshman orientation for her (and perhaps parent sessions as well).
This summer is a good time to be sure she has basic life skills. Knowing how to do laundry, clean… Also be sure she knows how to handle personal finances and do basic food shopping. She should know how much things cost, where and when to buy them. A good idea is to hit the stores this summer for school supplies for the year when the sales are on.
She should have developed her study habits with her HS education. She is better prepared than you imagine. There will be a learning curve, but that’s part of going to college. She will not be alone- she will have the others starting out like she is. Relax.
PS- my biggest fear was that our gifted son who could handle the academics and was going off to college with the same aged kids he’d been with for years would not get up in time for classes as he never heard the loud alarm we heard down the hall. He did fine. Motivation to be there is a great facilitator and there are peers to replace family.
