Social media lets you see him :-*
So I’m going to be forward and honest: Is it the sex? You can have sex when you do see him. Sorry to be crass, but I do have children who all went through this.
Another issue you have not considered:
Given your selected majors and your schools, do you honestly think that you are going to have time to miss him?
College is NOT high school. Your courses will be extremely difficult; your time management will have to include lots of study time, lab time (when they are open), group project meetings, and tutoring in order to begin to get the grades you need to even qualify for med school. That’s also if you plan time to eat and shower and change/wash your clothes.
In other words, you are not going to have time to miss each other, IF and only IF you are serious about your future in medicine and he is serious in his engineering.
Don’t miss out on an opportunity to apply to where you think you will fit. I think “it would be terrible” if you didn’t give yourself the option to apply to where you want to go.
“Also, at UT, I would have an easier time of making it to the top of the class,”
You said at the beginning that you are interested in going into medicine. Ignoring the relationship issue, “making it to the top of the class” is a big part of what you need to do in order to get into medical school. Premed can be very challenging.
I agree with others that you should apply to both (plus a few other places) and see what happens. However, if you want to go on to medical school, to me UT sounds like something to consider very seriously, and might very well be the best choice even ignoring your relationship (which I would not actually ignore when it comes time to make a decision regarding where to go). You should also consider finances and if possible save some money for medical school or at least minimize debt for undergrad. Applying to both and seeing what offers you get of course gives you a chance to consider this before making a decision.
If the BF is the one, he’ll still be there in four years. Regardless of where you go to college.
If he’s not the one, he won’t be there in four years. Regardless of where you go to college.
So the BF should have absolutely no influence AT ALL on where you go to school. Which, by the way, is what the BF himself is telling you. Listen to him!!!
You should pick someplace that is a good fit academically for your goals, that you can get admitted to, and that you can afford to pay for.
Very likely, by the way, that neither Gtown or UT is the right school for you. You need to look at all the available options and make a good decision. You and BF will be good (or not) regardless.
You are unlikely to have much choice of where to go to medical school, since most pre-meds are lucky to get even one admission. So, if you are still together, you may have to endure separation while you are in medical school while he lives some place near a job. The same could be the case during your post-medical-school residency years.
However, it is not necessarily true that Georgetown will be better for pre-med purposes than some other school.
I’d add that Tennessee has several great schools. One could hardly go wrong with Vandy, which is closer to TTU than UTK is (1 1/2 hours away).
Boyfriend issues aside, Georgetown and similar colleges have become incredibly selective. It’s best not to fixate on one as a “dream” school, as that can very easily turn into heartbreak in March if a rejection comes (or December, if you apply EA). Have a list of at least 3-4 other colleges you’d be happy to attend. Rhodes is another excellent option in Tennessee; the sciences are very strong, and many pre-meds intern at St. Jude.
oh but to have a nickel for every time someone said this. To come right out of the gate with that as the opening line of the post gives reason for pause. As many others have said here, if the relationship is meant to last, it will. If not, then you will likely have regret if you “settle” (if that’s how it feels) in order to be closer. What is it about g’town that makes it a desired school? If you are a strong student, why not consider Vandy?
My DS#2 and his now fiancée had a long distance relationship for 5 years, but that was AFTER college, not before or during.
Come back in April and let us know what schools you got into , and if they are affordable. That’s when the decision is going to be made.
I think you shouldn’t worry about it at this point. Neither one of you has been accepted to anything yet, so all your worrying is over making a theoretical choice that may not even happen.
I think you should both apply to all the schools you are interested in, dream or otherwise, and then see what you’ve both got to work with once all the acceptances come out. The path may be perfectly clear at that point based on which options actually materialize. In the meantime, just enjoy your time together and enjoy the rest of high school. .
“I’m applying for 2018, but I’m a VERY planned person”
I tend to be that way too (much more when I was your age). Now I have kids and I keep hoping their lives will “jump hoops” (go to school, get jobs, get married, live happily ever after) to match what I think is a “perfect life”.
Life is hard to plan. You both will have a huge “emotional growth spurt” in the next few years. I certainly didn’t think at 18 I had a lot more growing up to do but realized it only afterwards. And it’s actually great.
Can you think about being 9 years old and then being 13 or 14? Or 12 years old and now you’re 17?
It’s not even a close call. Well, go to college at 18 and graduate at 22–same deal.
Work on YOU. And your boyfriend needs to do the same. Push each other. Sounds like he already has that philosophy. And you may grow together or apart–but it’ll be fine either way.
Will you stay together? Don’t know. But it always works out for the best if you do what is best for you.
You’ll know better at the end of the journey.
While I would not say UT for the bf, for med school, UT might be better. You have to do very well, and as you say, you might be able to do that better at UT.
Cost: UT is so much cheaper and med school will be expensive!!
Lastly, if it means you will spend less time traveling to see one another, UT bc you won’t be able to afford a lot of time.
I will just repeat the advice above to apply to several options, some close to where your BF might go and some not. There are many great schools to consider. And things will be clearer in the spring.
You know you can major in anything and go to med school (there are programs after graduation for prerequ’s if they don’t get done during undergrad). You may change your mind about medicine anyway: many do. Keep an open mind in general
I know two couples who started dating in high school, through college and are now in their 50’s with grown children. Relationships ARE important. And long distance ones don’t have a great success rate. Just don’t make sacrifices that will in the end affect the relationship, where one makes sacrifices and the other doesn’t, for instance.
You do sound mature to me and your BF is mature in urging you to do what’s best.
Keep talking to each other Skype and phone are hardly a substitute for daily physical presence (sex or no sex) and airfare costs.
I know two couples who started dating in high school, through college and are now in their 50's with grown children.
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Me, too. And neither couple went to college together. And they didn’t even have Skype. If you’re right for each other, it will last. If you make it through college, you can talk about trying to end up in the same place for med school and whatever he’ll be doing.
Please don’t follow your boyfriend to college and give up on your dream school. If Georgetown is where you’ve always wanted to go and you can get in - go!
My niece and her high school boyfriend went to different undergrad schools. While she was at graduate school (at Georgetown!) and worked for a few years he furthered his Army training (West Point grad). They are now married.
They survived all that. They even tried to break up, to give each other space, and it lasted about two days. So, like many people here are saying, if it’s meant to be it will be through thick and thin.
My D is marrying her high school boyfriend in May. They did long distance for four years of college, two years of grad school and one six-month fellowship across the country. They are now in the same city, working jobs for which they were educated, and couldn’t be happier. It only works because they set the foundation for their personal and professional lives by getting the proper education and doing all the right things they needed to do to build a good life when the time came. It was hard, but, remember, college has long summer and winter breaks. You can be together for four months of every year without missing a beat. My D and fiance did prioritize each other in selection internships and summer programs - when one had something important in a specific location, the other sought an option in the same place. Then when they were ready to get real jobs, they only looked in commutable distance to each other. Now it has all paid off and there is joy all around.
You’ve got to do you, and he has to do him, for the best education and career opportunities you can build. If you really are mature, you can make it work and be just fine. If you can’t prioritize your individual futures while balancing your relationship, then you either aren’t as mature as you think, or it isn’t the forever relationship. Which is all fine. You don’t have to have your life set out before you are 18 years old. And if it turns out to not be the forever relationship, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t important and valuable. Just live and do the right thing, and the future will be what it will.
Every high school couple I have known who attended the same college broke up. Some were done before school started, most were done by Thanksgiving. The OP should do what is best for themselves as an individual.
If it is meant to be, it will work out over time. I met my husband the summer after we both graduated college. He was an ensign in the Navy and told me after several dates that he was being stationed on the West Coast. I had just gotten a job also and was moving to NYC. After a few months of long distance dating, I decided (after having a long distance relationship w/my h.s. boyfriend in college) that I didn’t want another long distance relationship and I broke it off. Long story about some crazy coincidences that enabled us to find each other again, but three years later he sent me a letter (we had no email then) and said he was being stationed back on the East Coast and wondered if I wanted to get together for dinner. We had not seen each other or spoken to each other in three years. He was only passing through town for the weekend but we had dinner, went out on dates the whole weekend, then he left for his next duty assignment which was a 10 hr drive away. We ended up dating again, long distance, for the next year, seeing each other only a few times. Our only communication was via phone calls and actual snail mail letters - we didn’t have email or Skype or FaceTime. It was meant to be, I guess, b/c we got engaged and have been married 21 years.
He jokes sometimes about how I blew him off that first time around. I told him that those years apart, right after we had both graduated and were starting our professional lives, were important years for us to both grow and mature (and for him, a very important time after coming out of the Naval Academy - he needed those years of independence/freedom).
@zoosermom gives excellent advice. Good luck to you.
I think you are putting the cart way before the horse. Apply to schools, see where you get in, and then you can start commiserating over where you get in. I am sorry to be the parental wet blanket, but your relationship may not make it through senior year, despite its longevity. Do not make long term life decisions based upon a relationship that began as children. You will need to see how things progress once you are away from home and dealing with life as adults. I am not saying to not apply to the school closer to him, but just realistically you may be creating a problem that’s not there. No guarantee you are getting in GT even with a 34.
It’s been over 15 years since I was in college but kids are the same. What I remember is that guy or girl that I met that was in a ldr who really cares about each other and who was “really making it work” was actually getting drunk and sleeping around every weekend. Food for thought.
