In our case her bf is currently a college freshman. D will be going to tour her bf’s school, which could be a good fit for her, but I wonder what to do/think/say if she ends up loving his school. We won’t be there with her when she tours. It’s exactly the opposite of what she has been looking for, but they have the majors she likes and lots of great opportunities for internships etc.
Any experience with this?
My D came close to doing this, but in the end chose a different school and I was glad. At this point I would let your D lead. A lot can change between them between now and when she has to choose her school.
I would hate that! I ended up going to the school my HS boyfriend was at; my parents were okay with that because it was the state flagship and it is what was expected. I would make sure she understands the relationship may or may not last and that she needs to choose for HER.
Would your daughter be considering this school if the bf wasn’t there? If yes, then I don’t see a problem. Just be sure she’s not choosing it just because of him. A lot can happen with these young relationships.
This was a school that I had on my radar once she had an idea what kind of major she would like and what kind of career she was interested in, but the setting is different than everything else she has liked. I think she would look at this school if he didn’t go there. I have no idea if she ends up liking it after this weekend, but if she does we have to talk to her about going there, because it works for her not because of him, because you never know at this age how long it will last.
Depends on the school. If this was a big state school (UT or TAMU) for instance I wouldn’t think anything of it. Then again if it was some small LAC with 2000 kids I would say they planned this.
@emptynesteryet Good point. It’s a pretty big school, but not a big state school. It’s also urban, so it’s not this contained campus where everyone would run into each other. I think this boy is wonderful, so if they did stay together I would be very happy for them. If I didn’t like him I would be discouraging this lol
I think you encourage your daughter to decide based on her academic and career goals. No matter where she goes to school, a romantic relationship (no matter where its origin) can be a distraction. If all parties agree that school is the priority then let the chips fall where they may. You can’t decide who your daughter will fall in love with anyway.
One of the big reasons I chose the college that I attended 35 years ago was that my boyfriend was going to college an hour away. The college was ultimately wrong for me, I saw the boyfriend very seldom and it would have been far better if I had broken up with him cleanly at the end of senior year.
Ah, well, hindsight.
My SIL started at Catholic University. She transferred to SUNY Buffalo because her BF was there. They broke up.
I would just tell her that you don’t know what will happen with BF…but you want her to think “Would she be happy there if he broke up with her?”
Lets say they stay together for ever…woudl she resent that she didn’t get what ever factors the other school had because she went where he was?
Also tell her that if they are truly meant to be, then they can make it through going to different colleges…each one going to what is the best for them.
@bopper Exactly - college is short and most people only get one crack at it and yes making concessions for others (even if you stay together) breeds future resentment
Yes, but it’s difficult. The guy I eventually married and I did it for two years while we were at separate colleges, and it was definitely a strain.
One of the reasons I chose the college I attended was b/c my bf was there. We have been happily married for over 30 yrs. If we had broken up instead of getting engaged and married, the campus was large. It had my major. I was rooming with friends. Life would have gone on, and I would still have attended and graduated.