<p>Quote fromTwinmom: "Funny, sometimes I find myself telling people where she did not get in ... as though that justifies it!"</p>
<p>Too funny!!</p>
<p>And: "After all this college admissions fanfare, I'm kind of glad to be a "donemom" like you."</p>
<p>You said it! I think it took me like a year just to get over the intensity of it all. That's what's great about CC--a good place to debrief!</p>
<p>Communication is a two-wat street. You'll have to be more insistent and specific about the bragging and how it embarrasses you. What is the best way to get through to your mom? Can you make a point of insisting that your test scores are your personal business, like how much money someone earns, and she shouldn't disclose them?</p>
<p>I have inlaws who totally discount my opinion ( and their sons- unless he is complaining about me ;) )
THey thought it was ridiculous that the kids attended private school ( although younger daughter only attended till 3rd grade), they didn't think they needed to attend college, and they didn't think much of where the older one decided to attend college........Until.........they happened to mention to their neighbors, that they were going to see their granddaughter graduate from college, and the neighbors were very, very impressed ( in fact the neighbors daughter was visiting that school that week in hopes of attending)</p>
<p>::::::::smirk:::::::: wish I could have seen their face.</p>
<p>I have a "friend" who always tries to "one-up" and it drives me crazy.</p>
<p>I don't volunteer information about my son but if she asks about him and school, I try to downplay everything...since she is always comparing her son to mine.</p>
<p>They are the same ages and wrestled together since age 5, played football together, etc, etc until my son left our public school district (9th grade) to go to private prep school.</p>
<p>She always wanted to compare SAT's...GPA's, courses, etc and some days I just want to say (actually scream)...excuse me - but there is NO comparison between them...none whatsoever.
You cannot compare a Phys Ed major to an Engineering major so stop trying!!</p>
<p>While I am very proud of what my son has accomplished, this situation keeps me humble and in check.</p>
<p>maybe I need a new friend??? ;)</p>
<p>my old boss's used to brag about her grandson all the time... she once told me that his GPA was a 4.9.2.4 .... everyone that was there just tried not to burst out laughing because we all knew she was full of you know what... :) she was like 85 at the time..</p>
<p>I must admit, I brag too. I try to tone it down and I discuss it with my D because I do not want to place pressure on her to "perform". I love her in spite of what she does. I just bring me pleasure to speak of her accomplishments but in doing so, I try to consider the company that I am in at the time because the truth is not everyone cares.</p>
<p>Bragging is all about the parents, and it is not cool. Kids need parents to take a step back and just let them shine without fanfare, (especially at this age as they approach adulthood). I am a parent and I talk to myself (and my husband)about this all of the time. Just let your children shine and let others see that (or not). Your children's accomplishments will in a very short time be evident to all without excessive words from their parents, (it's actually much more powerful that way...)</p>
<p>That is definitely rude.. and embarrassing. My parents (no, rather, my mom) does the same thing, but I've expressed to her clearly that I don't appreciate it. Of course, she still does it, but she doesn't do it with me in range, so I don't have to hear about it.</p>
<p>If it really starts bothering you, you should talk to her/them about it, especially right after it happens (assuming the poor listener is no longer around). I know that when I told my mom that sort of stuff made me uncomfortable, she felt really embarrassed about doing it and.. sort of stopped. Good luck.</p>
<p>Actually, I just thought about something. Doesn't it seem like the mother brags about her children more than the father? Or at least, if a father is bragging, it is usually about his son, not his daughter. You don't hear some dad saying, "Oh yeah, well you know my daughter, she's planning to attend college x, she has great ECs, you know.."</p>
<p>Actually, I rather enjoy some of the bragging. It reminds me of how well OUR D is doing. </p>
<p>IMHO, the best ways of handling bragging are: 1. laugh quietly to yourself about how so little can mean so much to someone. 2. Use it as a study of human behaviour and values. 3. change the subject.</p>
<p>I must confess, when my D has done something really notable, like winning a national honor in college, it is tough to not tell the world. I really need to remind myself that some others could care less, and some of my sibs would just be jealous (that their kid did not do so well).</p>
<p>my mom can go pretty crazy too. honestly, EVEN if i had gone to wharton, a random person (even educated) wouldn't necessarily know what wharton is.</p>
<p>lots of my family friends who are extremely successful (over 10 million dollars worth of assets) attended lower-tier colleges and got successful with their hard work.</p>
<p>my father brags about me (his daughter) way more than my mom. it's because my mom empathizes with me. My mom told me that at a party another woman asked her what I got on my SATs. That mom was bragging about her son's score, which was somewhere in the 1400s. My mom didn't tell her anything...I had done way better.</p>
<p>I believe that many parents like to think of their kids as extensions of themselves - sometimes to the extreme. Some are merely proud of their kids and their accomplishments. But I think in other cases, parents consider any success of their kids to be directly attributable to they themselves only. By excessive bragging, they are in a sense patting themselves on the back, not their kids.</p>
<p>IMHO, the best ways of handling bragging are: 1. laugh quietly to yourself about how so little can mean so much to someone. 2. Use it as a study of human behaviour and values. 3. change the subject.</p>
<p>How about another choice? Sincerely congratulate the person, be happy for them and wish them continued success. Something like "That's great. I can understand why you're so proud!" What does it hurt to be nice?</p>
<p>After all this, I'd like a definition of both bragging and "excessive" bragging. </p>
<p>If one is working hard toward a goal, is it bragging to tell people you finally got there? Is it bragging to tell people who are interested, such as instructors and classmates? Does it then become bragging to tell people you're not sure are interested? </p>
<p>Or is the line crossed when one tells the results: "Son has been studying archaeology" is okay but "Son was chosen for the summer expedition to dig fossils" is not? Would anyone think it was bragging if the third call came "Son found a cache of dinosaur eggs"? Is it bragging if the other person's kid didn't get chosen? Or is that just rude? Or do you have to wait to be asked how the fossil expedition is going?</p>
<p>Or is it quantitative values that take it over the line: "son did well on the SATs" might be okay but "son got a pair of 800s" might not be?</p>
<p>Incidentally, none of these examples applies to my family (or is true for anyone I know personally, other than the friend who got the pair of 800s back in the late 60's and never mentioned it until my son asked him about his SATs when he needled my son about <em>his</em> scores).</p>
<p>Those are good questions, DMD. I'd also like to know where relationships come into play. If you're telling your good friend or relative, can you assume that he/she genuinely cares? If you're telling an acquaintance or colleague, can you assume that you should be a little circumspect? Where does truth come into play? If your kid really does find the cure for cancer, can you say so, but if your kid is an assistant on a dig somewhere and you say that he found the remains of a previously-unknown civilization, should you be beaten with a wet noodle? All kidding aside, if the bragger is someone you generally like, then maybe just take it as a small thing that annoys you and move on. Or you could try to share their happiness because some people (like me) think there is too much kvetching and not enough sharing the joy in this world. I guess I don't think being jaded and cynical are sophisticated and worthy traits.</p>
<p>"How about another choice? Sincerely congratulate the person, be happy for them and wish them continued success. Something like "That's great. I can understand why you're so proud!" What does it hurt to be nice? "</p>
<p>I agree. In most cases, just congratulate the parent and send best wishes to the kid. I'm truly happy to hear of others' kids successes even when those kids are doing things that mine aren't or can't.</p>
<p>In the cases in which a parent's only topic of conversation is their kids' achievements, then avoid that person because they are just as much of a bore as is anyone who insists on talking only about one subject.</p>
<p>When asked about SAT scores, our response is you will have to ask our D, they are her scores. We only talk about D's school and successes to close friends who actually care. We answer questions from all others but have never told acquaintances anything without being asked first. We live in a small town so word spreads fast. Parents need to remember the achievement is your childs not yours.</p>
<p>akdaddy: that's a bit uncomfortable! if your D is present, the people might ask HER and put HER in the hot seat</p>
<p>Hi. This is my first post here. Very exciting.</p>
<p>Anyway, the OP sounds like he's a very intelligent kid in ways that grades won't measure. Why should a parent brag about her kid's grades? No one cares, and people will find it obnoxious. </p>
<p>And the reason people will find it obnoxious is that, while it's nice that you're studying and not doing crystal meth behind the Piggly Wiggly, it's not like getting good grades is something you do for anyone but yourself. That's why your Mother Theresa comment is so right on. If you were volunteering at a nursing home out of the goodness of your heart, that would be another thing, and even that could be something people need to find out more...organically.</p>
<p>No offense to your mother, who I'm sure is a lovely person, but "smart" doesn't impress me much. I have taught a lot of smart kids who are jerks. If you're a nice person, that's more important, and you're mom isn't going around saying how nice you are, is she? </p>
<p>The whole grade thing kind of sickens me. Especially how important it is to parents who are really only out to see their kids make a lot of money. How about learning for learning's sake? If intellectual curiosity were a trait more parents would foster, we as a society would be a lot better off. Just me venting. Thanks.</p>