<p>My cousin whom I am close with and I are both beginning our college searches. I am lucky enough to have parents who can and will pay 50,000 a year for my education. My cousin isn't so lucky. Her parents will likely struggle to even pay 25,000 a year for a state school. Whenever I am asked about my college search experiences in her or her parents presence I feel awful mentioning the multiple high-end LAC's I am looking at. How do I get over this? What should I do?</p>
<p>You can use the “I am not sure yet”, or “Oh, a few liberal arts colleges,” and then ask them a question that changes the subject.</p>
<p>I generally think your college list is something to keep fairly private and is not necessarily something to share with every friend, relative or neighbor who asks. Keep in mind that just because you can afford these expensive schools is no guaranty of admission. A general response, such as, “I like mid-sized schools in New England” is more than enough of an answer.</p>
<p>You should feel free to answer the question honestly. If asked what schools you are applying to, I see no reason that you shouldn’t be able to name them off. If that makes someone else uncomfortable, that is their problem.</p>
<p>Well, you have been fortunate. It’s true. </p>
<p>If you are asked directly, you can respond directly, if you want.</p>
<p>If you feel as if you are being singled out and feel uncomfortable, you can also just say “I’m really not talking about that right now.” One of the common answers in our area when people ask, is just, “Oh, I"m all over the map on that, size, geography, whatnot. I’ll let you know when I decide where I’m going!” This young woman was brilliant and fortunate and she said this with the biggest self-deprecating smile, everyone just laughed with her.</p>
<p>In the end, everyone already knew where she was going before she ever had to say, which is what generally happens in April and May.</p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>How do you know it bothers her? A lot of people would prefer to go to state schools. Anyway, you are not the only person she could be comparing her circumstances to. She has all her other classmates as well.</p>
<p>Katycollege16, I fully understand your concern but I agree with dusktodawn. As long as you don’t belittle your cousin’s choice (or lack of it) you should be ok.</p>
<p>Your cousin’s educational career may have a different start, but both of you can collaborate and talk about getting the most out of your experiences. In the end these details will fade away in comparison to how you choose to learn, make friends, and conduct yourselves wherever you end up going.</p>
<p>Since Katycollege16 is “close with” her cousin, it’s likely that her cousin is already well aware of the difference in financial circumstances between their two households. Apparently it’s a very big deal to Katy that her parents can afford to pay top dollar for her college education, while her aunt and uncle would “struggle to” pay half as much. Katy, perhaps you just expressed yourself unfortunately, but your post comes off a bit like you’re a financial snob.</p>
<p>Our kids had NO conversations with relatives about their college applications. They were polite, but just told folks that their applications were pending and they would let everyone know where they matriculated on May 1.</p>
<p>I disagree completely, I didn’t at all feel that Katy was being snobby. I think she was being sensitive to someone she cares about’s feelings. For many children this is the first time they actually realize how their parents financial situation helps them. My son is in a similar situation with his best friend (who’s parents are my best friends) and it is tough for all involved. I think if your close to someone honesty is always the best policy. I obviously wouldn’t suggest being obnoxious and answering with anything like, “obviously money is not an issue” but I don’t think Katycollege16 would do that. Just answer the question, the same way your cousin would. If they don’t know the specifics of your parents finances for all they know you are getting merit aid?</p>
<p>Oh and Katycollege16 better make sure your parents realize it’s more like $60,000 a year. We are looking at private liberal arts colleges in the northeast and most are closer to $60,000 when all is said and done.</p>
<p>" I am lucky enough to have parents who can and will pay 50,000 a year for my education. My cousin isn’t so lucky. Her parents will likely struggle to even pay 25,000 a year for a state school. "</p>
<p>If the cousin has good grades and test scores, and is eligible for merit-based and/or need-based financial aid, then there is every possibility that her family could end up being able to afford a $50k or even a $60k institution. Do encourage her to have her parents run the Net Price Calculators at the various college/university websites. She may have many more options than either of you think right now.</p>
<p>And if it turns out that she doesn’t, that doesn’t mean her life has ended. If she is happy and thrives at her cheap in-state public U, then what is there to complain about?</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for responding. My entire extended family lives near each other and is extremely close (also often in each other’s business) so avoiding discussion is not going to work.</p>
<p>If the other family qualifies for financial aid, this may be a non-issue, since many top LAC’s offer excellent need-based aid, as do Ivies, even for families with what many of us would consider fairly high incomes.</p>
<p>And many excellent but not “top” LACs offer merit aid as well. So if the cousin is a stronger student she could conceivably end up at the same kinds of places Katy’s family has to pay $60k for the privilege of having her attend. (That is, if she is interested in the same schools. For all we know, she’s not.)</p>
<p>^^That’s true. High stats, and the cousin could end up at the same or similar school, paying very little. While Katy’s parents pay 60K. Who’ll be bragging then?</p>
<p>It’s very considerate of you to be so careful of your cousins feelings. If it makes you uncomfortable, just be vague.</p>
<p>You should just say which schools you are applying to, regardless of her circumstances. I tell my daughter to not tell people which schools, but only because I do not want anyone to try to sway her decisions, nor do I want her to have to go back and report that she didn’t get in here or there, etc. </p>
<p>I know we cannot afford over a certain amount. We are committed to paying our EFC, which is something that I think parents should do. We may try to pay more (which would mean pulling from our life savings, which is probably not a good idea, especially with youngers going to college eventually). She has already gotten in to some schools she knows she likes, but we might not be able to afford these schools. However, I would never ever want someone else to feel like they cannot tell me that their kids went to those schools or will go to those schools. That is just life. That is how it is.</p>
<p>If their income says they can afford more, so she cannot get financial aid, then that is, perhaps, on the parents. I don’t know. And who knows? Maybe she is not even interested in the schools you are interested in, and assume she would want to go to also. My daughter could probably get in to schools like Williams and Middlebury (ones she originally was looking at) but in the end, decided to stay closer to home. But she certainly is not going to tell someone that she does not like those schools, especially if the other person is applying there. She has her reasons. Those schools ended up off her lists. To someone else, those might be their dream schools.</p>
<p>Just because her parents make less doesnt mean she cant get into the same schools you do. Most selective colleges generally provide very good financial aid, if thats the issue. I would encourage you to be supportive of your cousin and not limit herself to what she thinks she can afford…tell her to submit applications to the schools she wants in addition to the in state publics. </p>
<p>Also be aware that just because you are considering a school doesnt mean you will get in. Take on a bit of humility now, you may need it later :).</p>
<p>Tell the truth but don’t brag and don’t bring up the topic.
My kids tell the truth to their cousins and they all understood.
If you lie you will be backfired later. You cousin will fell bitter and say you are a liar.</p>