<p>my oldest was a premie- which traumatized my grandparents whom I was very close to.
They came to see her in the hospital, but unfortunately when they came it was after her surgery, and she was lying ( all 2 lbs of her) on a warming table with tubes and wires every which way.
So when she taught herself to read at 3, they were understandably quite thrilled, even though my grandmother went overboard at trying to get my daughter to "perform" for her friends and neighbors when they stopped in.
I was really embarrassed and I didn't want my daughter put in the position of feeling like she was doing something amazing.
I tried to talk to my grandmother about it- but she was very "hurt", and so I just talked to my daughter about how to handle it.</p>
<p>I agree bragging can be very annoying, but I try and look at it from the perspective that those who are bragging are very insecure, otherwise, they wouldn't have a compulsion to have their assets so visibly shared.
I don't think it is bragging to mention where your child attends college- and I admit I would rather see a parent very proud of their child rather than what has been my experience of " you got a 3.5gpa? why couldn't you get 4.pt? or You got an A? Must have been an easy class!"</p>
<p>"In the old days, kids and their parents didn't even get to find out their SAT scores. The scores were revealed to guidance counselors and admissions officers and that was that"</p>
<p>Just curious, but when were those old days? I am not aware of this back through the 70's - so when was this the case?</p>
<p>Oh, come on now. Your parents are the reason you exist. Its much better and socially acceptible to brag about one's kids than oneself. (:/)</p>
<p>My parents don't brag is because they don't have a superiority complex and rely on my accomplishments to drive their social lives. No offense, but it is lame when parents pull out the "Well, my kid is better than yours" card.</p>
<p>
[quote]
"In the old days, kids and their parents didn't even get to find out their SAT scores. The scores were revealed to guidance counselors and admissions officers and that was that"</p>
<p>Just curious, but when were those old days? I am not aware of this back through the 70's - so when was this the case?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'm sure this was the practice in the late 40s and early 50s, when my parents and their friends took the test.</p>
<p>I'm also sure it had ended sometime before 1970, when I took the test.</p>
<p>I have a question about kids that brag. There are a bunch of kids I know who won't stop talking about themselves and their accomplishments. It gets really boring to listen to, and I think it is kind of rude too. Especially when they ask me about my own test scores and such, unlike them I don't like having the whole world know. Is there any polite way to make them stop? I usually pretend to listen and say "wow" at every pause.</p>
<p>1) if they are bothering you, end the conversation and walk away
2) if they are REALLY bothering you, sink to their level and shut them up by telling them how much better you did than they did. A nasty surprise is always good, but it's the weak option :)
3) if you want to be a good person, tell them outright that their bragging makes you uncomfortable</p>
<p>Quote: "I have one (real life) friend who is my "bragging buddy". Our kids are on a par with each other, so we feel comfortable relating scores, scholarships, college news, etc to each other. Other than her, I don't talk about this and give vague answers when asked."</p>
<p>My situation exactly! (It's my college roomate whose kids parallel mine, so bragging is completely mutual). And I also agree with Hiker, bragging generally should be reserved for grandparents and CC.</p>
<p>Hanna: I did the same as your Mom...put the Brown sticker on my car as soon as my daughter got in, but could never bring myself to add the Harvard one. We live in a relatively small community, and I thought it would just be too much of a turn off. Hopefully, my son understands...he does have a crest or something on his side car window.</p>
<p>Parents of this generation brag because they believe it to be a reflection of themselves and they want to look good to their friends. </p>
<p>The reality is, it's more of a reflection about their child's efforts and successes not them. That said, I also believe humility to be a much more admirable trait as opposed to egoism which is not reflected in the bragging (or lack theirof) by parents.</p>
<p>I put the Harvard sticker on my car because we try to make it seem normal. My daughter is just as excited about going to her college in the fall as the next person. In fact, her twin brother's college sticker is over hers. We didn't put them both on until they both had made decisions - and she had hers months earlier.<br>
However, it is really weird when I run into people that I haven't seen in a while, and they ask where my kids will be going to school. As soon as I say "Harvard" the conversation inevitably stops. People do not know how to respond... It's so awkward.
Sometimes I get, "You must be so proud of her," and my son is standing right there. My answer is always, "Yes, I am very proud of both of my kids." That couldn't be more true. I was proud of them before they even contemplated any college.
SAT scores? I've never told anyone my kids' scores. Not even my friends on CC! :)</p>
<p>Being proud is a natural part of being a parent. People like to share good news about their kids. I know I do.</p>
<p>It's mostly a problem for parents who live vicariously through their kids, and some of that bragging is fraught with a bit of parental narcissism actually. That sort of pride is unpleasant to listen to, but usually those types of bragging parents don't realize how they come across, and it's useless to try to tell them.</p>
<p>I like to think my kids are brag-worthy, but somehow the words just won't come out of my mouth, except to my own mother (who is the perfect audience). It's not that I'm Old Money and believe that bragging is simply Not Done; it's more a lingering peasant terror of the Evil Eye - you know, the fear that you'll tempt fate if you mention your own good fortune.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the best defense against braggy parents is a good offense - and if you can't/won't brag, you look like a mighty appealing target. I've learned this from painful personal experience: I know half a dozen parents who'll make a beeline for me in the grocery store or at the library to trumpet their children's latest accomplishments. Apparently they interpret my restraint to mean that my own children have done nothing to brag about - so of course I'll want to bask in the vicarious glow of their kids' spectacularity.</p>
<p>Let's not forget that these parents might be a bit prone to exaggerating their kids' accomplishments. I never know what to make of it when someone says to me, "Little Susie scored third in the country in the National French Exam!" or "Albertina had the second highest violin score in the state!" - especially if I already know 3 other kids with perfect scores. One dad I know used to brag about the scholarship offers his daughter received - without even applying to the schools, mind you - when what was actually in the mailbox were recruiting brochures ("She was offered four free years at the Air Force Academy!").</p>
<p>I could tell many over-the-top stories about parental bragging - I'm a collector of them - but my favorite concerns a very ambitious mom whose daughter was cast with several other dancers in a plum role in our dance school's Christmas ballet. She phoned me to burble about all the praise her d had received, particularly from a staff member who supposedly told her that her d FAR surpassed the other dancers in the part. So overcome with joy was this mom about her d's success that she apparently forgot that my own d had also danced the role. I listened to her go on for several minutes, waiting for the penny to drop, and it never did - so I got off the phone quickly and laughed my rear end off.</p>
<p>Parents sometimes "brag" because they are so amazed that things have worked out so well for their child, they really did not expect things to happen that way, and it is good, and exciting, but a smart parent will have a buddy with kids in comparable situations and the parents can then share the highs and the lows with some one who understands and who is neither awestruck nor superior.</p>
<p>When amazing things happen to your child, it is something you want to share, not to brag, not to put others down, but because you are so pleased for your child. The critical factor is knowing your audience and having some one safe with whom to share it all!</p>
<p>One of my kids was very very lucky in several areas and experienced some successes and awards we would nover have expected. I was very blessed to have others with whom I could share my excitement, others whose kids also did well and who could genuinely celebrate. When life is good you want to share, when life is sad, you need to lean on that same person.</p>
<p>Then again, some people only tell the good stuff (we call that the Christmas letter syndrome) and cannot listen to good things about other kids, that is a sad situation!</p>
<p>Perhaps you can help your parents to find a safe buddy or two and trim the extra talking??</p>
<p>Quote: "As soon as I say "Harvard" the conversation inevitably stops. People do not know how to respond... It's so awkward."</p>
<p>Twinmom, it is so true. That's why they call it "the H Bomb". And I can totally appreciate your sensitivity to your son's feelings...and of course, his school is fabulous in its own right.</p>
<p>As for the sticker issue, with two kids going off at the same time, of course you would put both on your car. In my case, there was a five school year gap between kids, so I just never put either sticker on the new car. And in our small community, it seems like everyone knows anyway, so it just feels like needless tooting our own horn. Anyway, best of luck to your two very accomplished kids!</p>
<p>I have a slightly different take on the bragging thing. When I know someone and/or their kid, I am genuinely thrilled to hear good news about them, even if it is "braggish." It seems to me that there is so much kvetching going on that people forget to share the joy. My friend's daughter had great success last year in the college process and I, literally, squealed and clapped when she got in at her first choice school. Not phony at all, I was genuinely thrilled on her behalf. I love hearing about baby milestones, career success, etc. Love it, love it, love it. That said, I feel the evil eye thing, too. My husband and I are the most relentlessly ordinary people you will ever meet, my oldest daughter is special in many ways to us and dearly loved, but not so much until you get to know her heart, my little son is a brat, but my middle daughter is a star. I don't know how we got her, but she is just amazing at everything (even by CC standards) and having her is like having a celebrity in the family (sorry for bragging, but making a point.) I was watching her fence last night and admiring how good she is at it and how breathtakingly beautiful she looks doing it and I realized that I'm afraid that fate couldn't allow mere mortals as my husband and I to keep such a goddess. Yes, I am superstitious beyond words and in the primal part of my sould, I really do worry about this.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I realized that I'm afraid that fate couldn't allow mere mortals as my husband and I to keep such a goddess. Yes, I am superstitious beyond words and in the primal part of my sould, I really do worry about this.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Primal is the right word. I totally understand where you are coming from.</p>
<p>My parents are the complete opposite. They undermine everything I do, even if I'm standing right there. Reading these posts, I realize it's probably a lot better than having parents of similar nature as those of the OP. The only thing damaged is my pride, but I really can't stand people thinking I'm stupid. One time my mom had two friends over (I was in seventh grade, as were my mom's friends' children). I'm in the kitchen when they start Duke SAT thing (you know, when you take it in seventh grade). Mom 1 says her child didn't do very well, and she then goes on to list fairly low scores (no offense). She asks my mom what I got, and my mom brushes the question off with "She didn't do very well either. Around that range, too. How did [insert name] do?" (directed at Mom 2). Mom 2 gives scores higher than Mom 1, but still 200+ points lower than my real scores. She sees me in the kitchen and says to me in a "trying to be nice pity way, but still condescending" tone some tips and stratagies that her child used. Mom 1 questions her further, and she continues (directing some stuff at me), so I'm stuck listening for twenty minutes to her talk about what her child did, how her child viewed to test, how her child prepared, what books her child bought, etc. with me standing there nodding and smiling and wowing. She must have taken the wowing the wrong way because she ended with a sympathetic "I know the SATs are tough, but I'm sure you'll do much better the next time around." Seriously.</p>
<p>They undermine everything I do, even if I'm standing right there. Reading these posts, I realize it's probably a lot better than having parents of similar nature as those of the OP. </p>
<p>Why would that be better? I would think pride in your accomplishments would be a good thing, even if you didn't agree with its manifestation.</p>
<p>It's more annoying when your parents never actually cared how you did in school. They never helped you on your homework, or knew what colleges you were even applying to. They also favored the other child much more. But then when the mail comes in, and they see that you got into a <insert top="" 25=""> university, they become your best friend and brag about you to every person they come in contact with.</insert></p>