<p>My D left her boyfriend of one year behind when she flew to a college 3,000 miles away this last Wednesday. They were together for a year, but he's still a senior in HS. They have a great relationship and we like him a lot, but when she wavered about going to a school near by so she could be near him, a lesser choice school that wasn't a great fit for her, we nudged her away from that. They left their relationship status open-ended: realistic about hard it would be to stay a couple, but too happy together to just end it. Needless to say, coping with a new school, homesickness, a weird roommate and missing her BF is all getting to her. D hates it when things are unresolved, but isn't ready to face a break-up. I suggested that she not try to decide anything major, at least untl classes start, she makes some new friends, etc. That way she'd have a safety net of some sort (being busy, people to talk to). I know I sound reasonable and positive on the phone, but it's very hard to hear her crying. Any other thoughts/advice on breaking up with your first love?</p>
<p>I think it’s something she’ll have to decide for herself, and the best that family and friends can do is to be a supportive listening ear as she figures what to do.</p>
<p>As a high school senior who’s currently in your D’s boyfriend’s shoes, I’d suggest she try to remain friends with the BF if he means that much to her. That being said, of course it’d be healthy for her to use this opportunity to meet lots of new people, friends, potential new BFs, etc.</p>
<p>My BF and I decided to try to schedule our communication. He and I talk for an hour or two every Friday or Saturday on the phone, and if something else comes up that one of us wants to show the other (i.e. just a YouTube link or something) we just use Facebook. We hope that by scheduling a time for us to really talk and allowing each other to meet new people and not feel restricted the rest of the time will help us strike that healthy balance.</p>
<p>We also decided to see other people, though I can’t recommend that in your D’s case without knowing the details. I certainly wouldn’t advocate a break-up, though. It sounds like what your D wants from her BF right now is a friend, not a boyfriend. I think trying to keep their dependable, strong friendship is really the key here; the romantic stuff can be figured out later.</p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>People have been breaking up for hundreds of years, I know it’s hard for her and it’s hard for you but she will get over it. You just need to be a good listening ear and offer any advice you can when she needs it. Something my mom is very good at is making sure to downplay things when she is able so that I don’t blow them out of proportion-- ie “oh break ups are so hard you must be so heartbroken poor baby!” vs “oh you poor thing, this must be hard but it will get better sooner than you’d bet!” I would suggest to her the possibility that once she is less in a panic about being in a new place she might find that she is more able to handle the distance if that’s what she wants-- one can still flourish socially in a new place with a tie or two back home as long as said tie is supportive of one doing so, but EVERY kid is in the same shape she is and wigging out about it boyfriend back home or not. But she may already know now that she’s in a new place that it isn’t going to work and she isn’t ready to handle something like that. Only she knows. The latter is more common, I don’t know anyone from high school that lasted after moving far apart-- not even the couple that had been together since middle school made it to junior year of college together. This is one of the many trials of new freshmen, she’ll get through it in the end even if it is stressful now.</p>
<p>Good reminders all- thanks! I agree that it’s probably more about missing her best friend than anything else- they spent a lot of time together. I’ll keep up the “I know it’s hard sweetie- so, what classes did you register for?” kind of strategy for now :)</p>