It was COOOOLLLDDD here at night last week so this makes sense!!
Overnight lows this week as low as 37!
So happy to see that everyone is settling in. It is so hard as a parent when your kid is struggling.
DS had the same math experience years ago. And he never asked either parent for help. Smart!
My kid still asks me math and now chemistry questions. It is amazing how much (I mean EVERYTHING) that I learned has left my brain. I used to be good at these subjects and now I don’t have any idea what my kids are talking about.
Well we’re back at one step forward, two steps back. Kiddo was cut from water polo today. She and the other two girls who have never played were cut because they couldn’t keep up. She’s super bummed and I’m really surprised that they’d even make cuts (especially since they said they weren’t going to) for a team that isn’t playing games. Sigh. Hopefully she’ll find her next something.
Oh @cityran I’m so sorry!!! What happens next? Do those kids join other sports, already in progress? I guess there isn’t a thirds team for everything where any newcomer can join? (Gosh this seems a little harsh given the limitations of this fall.). Anyway, I’m so sorry.
@Calliemomofgirls I’m not sure what her other options are. She’s supposed to speak with her advisor which she’s really embarrassed to do. She sent me a text saying “how do I tell my advisor that I got cut from a team that wasn’t going to make cuts?”. I really hope she finds an alternative activity that gives the same belonging that a team offers, and daily exercise, because that’s a huge benefit to anyone’s mental health. I’m nervous about our visit next weekend, I suspect she’s going to beg to come home with us.
So sorry @cityran , that situation just stinks. Seems so unfair given the current circumstances. I hope she finds a new activity that she can enjoy for the rest of the fall term.
She should not be embarrassed at all. That’s what advisors are for and, believe me, they’ve heard and seen it all, but her situation is nothing to be ashamed of.
It’s not for everyone but, if the school has a team, has she considered crew? Crew is one sport where there is no expectation of previous experience. Our son came to BS with zero sports participation and zero athleticism. His idea of sport was chess. The school tried sending him to football practice due to height and weight, but he had no idea what they were talking about when he got there and ended up in the same situation as your daughter–very discouraged when talking to his advisor about what to do next. His advisor suggested crew and that was transformative for him. I have posted many times that crew was the best thing he got out of BS. But, it’s a sport you either love or hate, no in-between. So, just a suggestion, but she absolutely should not be hesitant to approach her advisor for advice and remedy.
@cityran, so sorry to hear your daughter is dealing with this. What a tough and confusing thing. It probably has more to do with the weird times we are in - like a limit of how many kids can be in the pool at one time - than anything about your daughter. Not that that makes it easier on your daughter.
This is exactly what advisors are for - the intersection of school and personal adjustment issues. The school has to be especially concerned with adjustment for nee students, and this would be a blow for anyone. Not only is there nothing to be ashamed about, I would go a step further and say the advisor must be told.
Are you comfortable reaching out to the advisor? I have had to do that to give the advisor the heads up there is a potentially delicate issue needing tending to. It is hard for a kid going through what she is to reach out to an adult she hasn’t bonded with yet, but the advisor will want to reach out to her proactively.
Just a quick email or text to the advisor saying citykid was cut, and could probably need a little extra support as a result, and that she isn’t the kind of kid to reach out herself to ask for it. The advisor should be able to make herself available for your dd to talk to her about it, without letting on you intervened.
The other option is for citykid to go to a prefect. That would be kiddo’s first choice over any adult. But as a parent I would go to the advisor - that isn’t helicoptering. That is asking a legit question about the change in the no-cut policy and letting the school know that they have a need to intervene/nurture now that a change in policy is impacting a new student. You are part of the team and right now you have a piece of info they need.
Agree here, perhaps ask her about crew. There seems to be a special camaraderie among crew team members. Maybe it’s the shared experience of rowing even when the weather is awful.
Yup, yes and yes. There have been occasions when I have had to email an advisor and say “just a heads up, can you please poke at this because otherwise kid will say everything is fine and I know it’s not.” That is such a normal and expected email to an advisor!!
Guys, isn’t crew a spring sport? Or are all the schools mixing things around right now?
Some schools have IM crew in the fall.
Many teams are training.
Crew is year-round. No break. Training/regattas in the fall, training/ergs in the winter*, racing in the spring and training over spring break, training/ergs/racing all summer. It’s relentless.
*If you live in a warm-weather climate, you will train/erg/race all year.
@cityran, I ran across an old post this morning on setbacks written by Choate’s pediatrician that has some wise words for when bumps occur, specifically in sports or academics. The advice is relevant regardless of the school, so I thought it worth sharing.
Thanks all. I emailed her advisor on Sunday because kiddo didn’t know where to be Monday afternoon, but I didn’t get a response and she never reached out to kiddo. After yet another teary phone call from her tonight, my husband and I called the head of the dorm. She was very responsive and quite concerned that kiddo has been skipping meals (she hasn’t been to the dining center since Sunday), and hasn’t picked a new afternoon activity. She was going to work a few angles to get some information and get back to us.
@cityran I wish I had helpful words beyond just letting you know that you and your daughter are in my heart. I hope knowing that even folks from afar care makes the burden even a tiny bit lighter. I’m so sorry about this season. Please keep us posted.
Fingers crossed we are getting back on track…we now have positive reports from her advisor and the school psychologist, so I’m thinking she’s just unloading everything on me. I am currently reading the book “Untangled” again (thank you to another CC parent for the reminder) and finding a lot of solace in the information. Kiddo is now signed up for farming as her sport, which I think she’ll love, as she loves animals, and her advisor is going to make sure she’s going to meals regularly. One foot in front of the other.