Can anyone grade my SAT essay?

<p>Prompt: Is identity something people are born with or given, or is it something people create for themselves?</p>

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<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Throughout history, many individuals have wondered if people are born with their identities. Those who contend that an identity is assigned at birth cite examples such as the immobility in the rigid Indian social hierarchy. However, examples from areas such as art and literature indicated otherwise. The works of artist Erik Nordmann and the play “Sorrow” by John Kumau demonstrate that people create their own identity.</p>

<p>Growing up in the posh western suburbs of Tjuesheimen, Norway, Erik Nordmann was expected to become a realist painter, following in his father’s footsteps. Finding realism boring and tedious, Nordmann painted in a more vivid and provocative style, one that was completely unknown at the time. Although he went against his father’s wishes, his work soon became famous for its originality and today he is known as one of the forefathers of the modern transcendentalist movement in art. This shows that Nordmann did not assume the identity he was born with, a realist painter, but rather that he did not follow the norms and created an unique identity for himself. Although some may argue that Nordmann’s wealth allowed him to create his own style, his life, works of art, and legacy show that one is not born with an identity.</p>

<p>In the play “Sorrow” by John Kumau, the life of the main character Charlene Brightchurch shows that people can create their own identities as they mature. As a young girl from a poor farming family in sixteenth century Britain, Charlene quickly learns that girls are expected to be subservient to males, especially one from a poor family. However, against all odds, she manages to earn some money and travel to the town of Elford, where nobody knows her background. There, she builds a name for being one of the most talented singers in the town. Because her identity is based off of how others perceive her, Charlene was able to throw off her past and reinvent her identity. The transformation from a penniless farming girl to a rich and successful singer shows that the identity one is born with is not necessarily the identity one will keep.</p>

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<p>Please critique this essay. I wasted a good 5 minutes writing something that I later ended up not using. I ran out of time, hence the absence of a conclusion paragraph. Also, I'm not sure if my examples really relate to the actual prompt.</p>

<p>While you do lose points for your lack of conclusion, those examples are spot on! They are not only relevant but really illustrate your point by showing not only that people can create their own identities, but that both the rich and poor have a need to be an individual. Very well done.</p>

<p>I’d give this a 10 because it lacks a conclusion, but I would be tempted to give this an 11 or 12 if it had one.</p>