Can anyone score this ACT essay for me and give me any tips?

<p>PROMPT:
"The Children's Internet Protection Act (CIPA) requires all school libraries receiving certain federal funds to install and use blocking software to prevent students from viewing material considered 'harmful to minors'. However, some studies conclude that blocking software in schools damages educational opportunities for students, both by blocking access to Web pages that are directly related to the state mandated curriculums and by restricting broader inquiries of both students and teachers. In your view, should schools block access to certain websites?"</p>

<p>RESPONSE:
Parents and educators are concerned about what we are able to view on the Internet and whether the information at our disposal via cyber access is appropriate to view at school. While their intentions are warranted (as they are ultimately concerned about our safety), I believe blocked access to certain websites on school computers is an infringement of civil liberties in the democratic capitalist society we live in. </p>

<p>During my visit to China last summer, I was surprised to learn that I would have restricted to no access to sites I was accustomed to using on a daily basis. Social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter and even Google were blocked, which resulted in huge disappointment as these media sites were platforms of personal expression. Having visited certain cultural heritages in China, I was intrigued to learn more. However, I was informed not to research the events of Tiananmen Square whilst I was in the country as this polemical point in history was spoken of in hushed voices in China due to the government's strict views on the subject. In the purpose of adventurous inquiry, I couldn't understand why the government would track the information I was researching and that I might face huge penalties for doing so. After all, I was merely a tourist intrigued to know more about China's history Despite its capitalist attempts to restrict information to its citizens, China's government was blind to the fact that there were detours to avoid their dogmatic ways. Through VPN, China's citizens pay excessive amounts to connect to international servers so that they have the freedom to browse at their pleasure without fear. </p>

<p>'When there's a will, there's a way' couldn't be more true of a statement. If schools continue to impose restrictions on certain websites, students will consequently turn to other sources to obtain their information- some of which may be illegal. In the same way China's citizens pursue alternative illegal means of Internet access, students will follow similarly. School is an environment where the element of trust should emanate between faculty and pupils. This trust is effectively deteriorated if school boards snatch away a student's freedom of unrestricted exploration. Such a school is ultimately turning into a capitalist regime which won't allow their students to explore issues that may be politically, religiously or economically stirring. </p>

<p>Restrictions enforced on a population lead to protests and riots. When university fees in the UK were raised form £3000 to £9000 in 2012, there were many chaotic outbursts on the streets by people who felt passionately about the change to their education costs. They were prepared to put their lives in jeopardy and also threaten officers of the law in order to show their opposition. This event demonstrates that when huge changes are made to one's education, whether it be financially or otherwise, one is prepared to take the necessary steps of action. After all, we are taught to put education on a pedestal as it is a means of gaining success in the future in terms of obtaining a job, academic accolades or a position of responsibility. Thus, changes to students learning environment can lead to public disputes against a school which, in turn, could negatively affect its reputation and consequently, could reduce admission intake from prospective applicants. </p>

<p>Parents and educators have our best interests at heart; their primal instincts are to protect. These concerns however, would probably be best directed towards younger kids (ie in middle school) who are more susceptible to risqué content on the internet. I feel that high school students have developed a mature attitude to only view what is necessary to their education during school time; other means of entertainment via the Internet can be viewed outside of school. As pioneers of their education, students will always take necessary steps towards arbitrary censorship imposted on their learning environment through illegal activity and protesting against educators in power, which could negatively impact the school socially and economically. It is therefore in everyone's best interests to not conform to capitalist views and for schools to support their students passion for academic inquiry via Internet sites of all degrees of complexity. </p>

<p>This took me about 35-40 mins to write not including planning so I know that time wise I'm not within the allocated time slot. Nevertheless, if you could let me know what you think about the content and areas you think I could improve on in my writing I would greatly appreciate it! My ACT exam is this weekend :)</p>

<p>THANKS SO MUCH! </p>