<p>This is the first SAT essay that I have ever written and I'm sure that I made many mistakes, so please be harsh. I think the biggest problem was my examples. I was having a hard time coming up with examples and it clearly shows because there is very little substance to each paragraph. If you have any advice or criticisms, please tell me them.</p>
<p>Prompt: Should society limit people's exposure to some kinds of information or forms of expression? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>
<p>Essay:
Limiting exposure to information and certain forms of expression is detrimental to a society. Several current events and historical examples clearly substantiate that censorship in any form detracts from the well-being of a population.</p>
<pre><code> The Paraguayan Revolution of 1847, in which the government prohibited certain books from being printed and imported, shows that censoring information from a country incurs feelings of resentment and anger in the citizens of the country. The fundamental reason for the overthrow of the government in 1847, as told by Juan Jose Medina before the raiding of the Paraguayan government offices, was the intentional denial of information to the public by the government. The feelings of resentment harbored by the citizens of Paraguay that sparked the revolution were a direct result of the government refusing to give the citizens free access to information. This clearly shows that censorship and the limitation of expression causes violence and ill-feeling in the members of a society.
The current Chinese government has enacted various security measures that prevent people inside the country from accessing foreign news sites. Of the several negative effects that this has had, perhaps the most heinous is the transparent feeling of racism that that runs unadulterated through many Chinese communities. The inability to easily communicate with foreign countries has caused the widespread feeling of hatred towards Japan and its citizens, which came into being following the conclusion of WWII, to not only not have dissipated, but also to have increased in strength. Therefore, censoring information has caused prejudice to run rampant in the hearts of a large portion of the citizens of China.
The church's censorship of Galileo Galilei's work shows why censorship is such a poor policy. Galileo's theories, especially those regarding heliocentricism, are some of the most famous scientific theories of all time. They tossed the scientific paradigm of the time on its head and would have changed how people viewed the world if it weren't for the church's censorship. It was due to the church's poor regulations regarding the spread of information that our solar system remained scientifically unexplored for many years to come.
These examples clearly demonstrate the detrimental effect that the limitation of information and expression has on a society. It incurs ill-feeling and resentment in the populace that often hinder the development of the society. Had the Paraguayan government not placed such stringent regulations on the printing and importing of books, perhaps there never would have been a revolution at all.
<p>Here’s another one. Thanks in advance to anybody that helps me out:</p>
<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>
<p>Essay:
The importance of questioning the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority cannot be overstated. The American governments, the North Korean government, and the events of the Paraguayan Revolution of 1847 clearly substantiate that questioning authority is one of the key factors in the success of a society or other organization.</p>
<pre><code>The American revolution demonstrates the importance of questioning authority. The reason for breaking free from the bonds that tied the colonies to the Britain, as stated in the Declaration of Independence, was the tyrannical oppression of the American people by King George and the British government. The American people felt that they were being subjected to laws and regulations that were unjust and that they had no ability to change. This aroused feelings of resentment in the people that eventually caused the American Revolution. This clearly shows that making it impossible for people to have any say in their lives and subjecting them to the will of an authoritarian figure is detrimental to the health of a society.
The current North Korean government is a perfect example of what happens when a population blindly follows the doctrine and propaganda put forth by a totalitarian regime. North Korea has been ruled by a tyrant for many decades, and its situation has gone from bad to worse as a result. The government has begun to threaten nuclear war with its neighbors in order to get enough food to feed even the smallest percentage of its starving population. Obviously, the tyrannical form of government in use in North Korea is hurting the well-being of the country.
The Paraguayan Revolution of 1847 is another in moment that shows the failure of oppressive governments to service the needs of their countries. The people of Paraguay lived like prisoners prior to 1847, living each day terrified of the tyrannical government that would not hesitate to capture and imprison any citizen even remotely suspected of “treason.” During this time, the National Health Organization (NHO) found that death rates increased by almost 10% in Paraguay. The stress and nervousness caused by fear of the Paraguayan government increased the number of stress-related deaths and suicides to a level unprecedented before that time. Clearly, not questioning authority severely injured the citizens of Paraguay.
Authority must be question if one wishes to live in a healthy, high-functioning society. The state of affairs prior to the Paraguayan Revolution of 1847 clearly demonstrate the negative effects that a totalitarian form of government has on a population. Had the British government listened to the complaints of the American people, perhaps there would not be a sovereign American country today.
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<p>I think your first essay would be a 8, simply because you had specific examples and plenty of them (3) but failed to elaborate in depth in terms of the analysis- you haven’t disproved or negated the opposing view to your thesis. Your introduction is also a little lacking in terms of length (3 sentences ideal) and content. Strongly suggest cutting it down to two body paragraphs so you have more time to analyze and develop the evidence supporting your thesis. </p>
<p>One thing: how would you connect the first paragraph to the topic/thesis? In my essay I wrote,</p>
<p>“The feelings of resentment harbored by the citizens of Paraguay that sparked the revolution were a direct result of the government refusing to give the citizens free access to information. This clearly shows that censorship and the limitation of expression causes violence and ill-feeling in the members of a society.”</p>
<p>Maybe my thesis should have been, “Limiting exposure to information and certain forms of expression is detrimental to the condition and development of a society.” I think my examples would support this thesis better than the one that I wrote down because scientific exploration could fall under development and as could the dissipation of prejudice.</p>
<p>Thank you, this was perfect. The biggest problem I’ve been having is coming up with examples and then planning each body paragraph and, as you’ve pointed out, it shows in my writing. I really appreciate your help. And yeah, the entire Paraguayan Revolution example is bullshit (although there was a Paraguayan Revolution in the early 1900s). </p>
<p>Don’t recommend making up false examples, although readers are not meant to take that into consideration, I just don’t see how basing an argument around a fallacious example is going to yield to necessary detail, depth and accuracy. Warped logic going to be a problem if you’re not careful. </p>
<p>I think making up an example is okay as long as the example isn’t entirely ridiculous. Obviously it can cause warped logic if the example is completely insane, but simply describing a stereotypical dictatorship and slapping a falsified name on it shouldn’t cause any issues.</p>