Can someone grade my essay?

<p>Hi. Can you grade my essay? I feel that I need to improve on the essay. Thank you. </p>

<p>This is the 2005 March one.</p>

<p>Given the importance of human creativity, one would think it should have a high priority among our concerns. But if we look at the reality, we see a different picture. Basic scientific research is minimized in favor of immediate practical applications. The arts are increasingly seen as dispensable luxuries. Yet as competition heats up around the globe, exactly the opposite strategy is needed.</p>

<p>Adapted from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention </p>

<p>Assignment:
Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<pre><code> Creativity is one of the most fashionable aspects of the world today. Though some may say that pragmatic approaches are more important style, without style the world would not be able to advance in competition and technology. Prominent views that creativity is needed more than ever today is exemplified in history, media, and personal experience.

During the Cold War of the 1950's, President Truman combated the ever strong Communist side of the Soviet Union. While containment (an attempt to stop Communism from spreading) was an ideal action from a democratic society, he felt that not only did he have to contain, but he also had to attract other people in other areas of the world. The Marshall Plan enacted was a major indication of creativity over practicality. Without this innovative idea during the Cold War, the Cold War may have lasted much longer.

Competition is evident in the media, as shown by vast amounts of stars in the world today. These stars dress all stylish, and even when they go out to eat simple meals outside, they occasionally dress elegantly. This is because of the nature of society today. With cameras everywhere, stars would slightly defame themselves if they did not dress the way most stars did. Stars also make a living. They do not just get their money by sitting quietly. Rather, they sing or dance, depending of their roles. These stars are not considered ordinary. Many people see them as rolemodels, people who set possibilties for the future. If they were not creative, we would not see them dressed all stylish today. Human creativity is what produces success for stars, as well as competition.

From my personal experience, I witnessed a time in a science fair when creativity took the highest praise and consideration. One board was very stylish, and also had the project fully readable. The judges were first inclined to look at that board, for it included one aspect that all the others did not have: sparkling beauty. These ideas, though had nothing to do with the project, most likely gained points from the judges. This shows that while pragmatic approaches are important, creativity is ever increasingly important today.

Creativity allows for one to show is or her unique aspects of society today. This is shown from history, media, and personal experience.
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<p>March 2005...</p>

<p>What did you receive on it from the graders?</p>

<p>I didn't take the real test. I took this from collegeboard.
Thanks.</p>

<p>good, but maybe instead of communism, try elvis and the 60s</p>

<p>Thanks. Any other suggestions?</p>

<p>"
Creativity is one of the most fashionable aspects of the world today. Though some may say that pragmatic approaches are more important style, without style the world would not be able to advance in competition and technology. Prominent views that creativity is needed more than ever today is exemplified in history, media, and personal experience."</p>

<p>I hate your opening paragraph.</p>

<p>Why the word "fashionable" and then your first paragraph is about the Marshall Plan - hardly fashionable and not today by a long shot. The Marshall Plan wasn't about style or fashion, but an audacity of vision and imagination. I agree with you it was creative, but your adjectives are all wrong. The sentence "Prominent views" makes no sense either.</p>

<p>Your second two paragraphs work with the opening - where you seem to be saying creative style gets substance noticed. But your Marshall Plan example needs a totally different opening paragraph. I like it as an example better, but I'd pair it was different less fluffy examples.</p>