<p>Microsoft word => double spaced, 3 pages. Essentially, the assignment is to write about a topic of your choice, so here's it. Here are the instructions:
"Compose a three-page essay, give or take a paragraph or two, in which you apply the basic principles of good structure and diction to your prose. I may also evaluate other facets of your writing, but I will pay particular attention this time to your overall architecture and word choice. I encourage you to write in a relaxed, spontaneous manner when composing your first draft. But then return to your writing to edit and to revise it: watch especially for possible improvements in structure and in diction."</p>
<p>During my high school years, I came to believe that academic success was the paragon of virtue. I planned on learning as much as possible such that I could tread on the steep pathway to a graduate school in the sciences. Though I was born to Chinese parents, my academic ambitions were primarily the product of self-motivation. Even though I squandered much time on Internet forums and computer games, raw intelligence helped carry me through high school and into university.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I had idealistic dreams of my pathway through college. I was fully cognizant that I would not have faced the same problems that other college students face namely, problems related to drugs and excess socialization, and thus I expected to be able to study for unprecedented amounts of time. But I did not realize how much time I could squander on the Internet and on daydreaming, nor did I realize how difficult it was to develop work ethics that never fully matured in the first place. Moreover, I wasnt necessarily prepared to be a more independent learner, since I was still under the impression that the student didnt really need to read the textbook when he was under a good lecturer. Such difficulties were not unique to me, but the additional issue that really drove the nail into my skin was that I gradually came to the realization that there wasnt really any point to life. In other words, I became a nihilist. Such a paradigm tore my old beliefs about the virtue of academic success into ruins. My interest in astronomy, my agnosticism, my tendency to question authority, my inability to conform to social norms, my wide reading in both the social and the natural sciences, all of these provided the perfect recipe for nihilism. Such a philosophy had its appeal for me, for I was externally motivated and tired of making ambitious plans in math and science, but I rather wanted to relax more, and nihilism provided the justification for such an action.
Realizing that both grades and societal status were both arbitrary, I started to care little about my grades. I became aimless and disorganized. Every activity that I found remotely interesting became a timesink since there was no longer any reason not to pursue such a thing. Self-control paved way to voluptuous daydreaming. I tried my hand on computer games again, losing all inhibition I had against wasting time. Eventually, I lost faith in my own ability to study, resulting in a self-fulfilling prophecy that caused me to give up hope. But on the other hand, I had to realize that I came to college under the support of parents and of the university, and that if I failed out of school or caused my parents too much disappointment, they would prevent me from continuing my studies, forcing me to live a life that I would not want to live. While life is pointless, I at least had to acknowledge that I still have to fulfill my biological drives and that it was also pointless just to drop out of school.<br>
As the novelty of nihilism wore off I had to think about my future again. In conversations with other people, I realized that many people became nihilists in the past, but yet continued to move on with their lives. Many of them moved onto existentialism, that is, they created their own meaning for themselves. While I came to realize that there is no real reason why academic pursuits are more important than other pursuits, I came to realize that if I were to pursue a vocation that would stimulate me, an academic field would be the way to go. I found many parallels in my experience to the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900). Nietzsche was known for propounding the theory that with the breakdown of religion, nihilistic beliefs prevail. But with self-overcoming and the creation of new values, we can make ourselves deeper and stronger.
But was the process a total loss for me, the period of nihilism, a period of zero personal development? Not necessarily. My original plan involved the pursuit of science to the exclusion of all other fields. But the recent development had persuaded me that the pursuit of natural science to the exclusion of everything else was not necessarily the ideal route to go. I want to think of why I am here, of the implications of the pursuit of natural science, of the relation of science both to the world and to myself. Furthermore, I felt more so than ever to question my beliefs and convictions. Relativistic attitudes also come with nihilism, and such attitudes impel me towards a greater tolerance of different belief systems, as well as political apathy. With that comes a greater possibility of converting to a new belief system when the time comes, if such a belief system seems rational and productive. In the words of Bertrand Russell, Philosophy is to be studied, not for the sake of any definite answers to its questions, since no definite answers can, as a rule, be known to be true, but rather for the sake of the questions themselves; because these questions enlarge our conception of what is possible, enrich our intellectual imagination, and diminish the dogmatic assurance which closes the mind against speculation; but above all because, through the greatness of the universe which philosophy contemplates, the mind also is rendered great, and becomes capable of that union with the universe which constitutes its highest good.<br>
So even though I have not found a new paradigm to subscribe to, nihilism does not dominate my thinking anymore. While this period of nihilism had coincided with a major life change, which in turn impacted my grades and learning in a negative way, I am now more determined to try to control my impulses such that I can learn as much as possible, eventually landing a position in graduate school.</p>