Can someone please edit/critique my personal statement? (Common App)

<p>If anyone can do this, it will be greatly appreciated. Just state your grade level below, and I'll PM you a copy.
Thanks</p>

<p>Rising senior</p>

<p>rising senior</p>

<p>Please go to the College Essay forum. Don’t neglect to read the suggestions and warnings pinned to the top of the page. I’d be careful about sending it to brand new peeps who maybe just registered to read your essay.</p>

<p>@BrownParent‌ yeah, i’ve looked closely into the profiles of the people i sent it to. ive only sent it to people who have read other essays before, and have graduated from high school.</p>