Can someone PLEASE review my common app essay? I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

<p>Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?</p>

<p>Bittersweet thoughts begin to arise as I play on this extremely rugged field covered in holes and weeds, sporting my ever so fashionable kilt that dates far before my time. As I finagle my way through the opponents, I reflect on all the memories I've had on this field during the past four years. I remember playing on this exact same field as a freshman, not realizing that these simple one hundred yards would later become a second home to me. The final buzzer goes off and I exit the field with my teammates by my side, all of us holding back our tears. Today was my last high school field hockey game, and the reality hits me that I will never be able to play on this field again. The word field is an understatement, however, and does not accurately demonstrate how important this place is to me. As I step onto the field it's not just a field but rather my second home or my safe haven, where I feel perfectly content no matter what the circumstances are. Whether I am playing in the excruciating heat that resulted in the notorious "field hockey tan lines," or playing under ominous clouds about to release their torrential downpour, I will always be completely satisfied here.
This all began during my freshman year when I joined the sport solely to help the school because they needed a few more players. At the time, field hockey wasn't the primary sport at my school, nothing compared to football or soccer, and I wanted to help to develop our school's field hockey program. I soon began to realize that not only was I helping the sport but the sport was actually benefiting me. As I stepped on the field all the troubles in my life were lifted off my shoulders, and I always felt at ease while playing field hockey. During my junior year of high school almost everyday seemed to be extremely stressful, from spending countless hours studying for the SATS to simply enduring my toughest year of high school that I knew mattered the most. However, if I was holding my stick in my hand with my cleats laced tightly, all of this vanished and I entered my own utopia filled with pleasure and gratification. While many of my teammates could not tolerate the grueling practices we had, I enjoyed knowing the success that would follow when a 100% effort was given.
When I heard that final buzzer go off during my last time playing on this field, there is no better word to describe my feelings than bittersweet. At first I imagined the ending of my field hockey season to be nothing but melancholic, but I've realized there is also a degree of happiness to it. All the qualities I've acquired on the field, such as my diligence and positive attitude, will now be carried over into the real world. I may not be finagling through my opponents anymore but will now maneuver my way around the obstacles in life. My field hockey career may be over but what I've learned on the field will only guide me to a successful path at your university. </p>

<p>I wouldn’t post this on here. Real easy for someone to copy/cheat.</p>

<p>^</p>

<p>Also the first sentence sounds a bit awkward.</p>

<p>I second the fact that you shouldn’t post this on here. Also, you’re using a lot of “purple prose,” carrying your sentences on for too long and adding unnecessary adjectives to bulk up the text (especially the first sentence). It’s great to show you know how to write, but sometimes less is definitely more. </p>

<p>That first paragraph seems like the most stereoptypical “trying too hard to write an essay” paragraph. Less “purple prose” and maybe more about one of those games in a downpour.</p>