Can someone rate my CCOT essay?

Taking an online ap world history class and my teacher never offers criticism, always just gives me A’s. Can someone grade this essay like it would be on the test? Here is the prompt: Analyze the changes and continuities in labor systems between 1750 and 1914 in one of the following areas: Latin America and the Caribbean, Russia, or sub-Saharan Africa. In your analysis, be sure to discuss the causes of the changes and the reasons for the continuities.</p>

My essay:</p>

<pre><code> From 1750 to 1914, many changes took place in Russian serfdom, the nation’s most widely practiced labor system. While into the mid-1800s, many peasants remained as serfs, confined to nobles’ land and forced to work, in 1861 serfdom was officially abolished. At first, little was done by the government to actually make a difference in freed serfs’ lives, and when reformative measures were taken, peasants’ standard of living remained very much the same. In short, while the official status of the Russian lower class may have changed, their lifestyle continued to be quite similar to that before 1861.
From 1750 to 1861, Russian serfdom was in full use, despite the labor system’s disappearance in most other European regions. Serfs were forced to live and work on the elite’s land in return for a small plot of land of their own. They couldn’t move or marry without their master’s permission, and could unofficially be sold. Landowners benefited immensely from this labor system, for it gave them virtually free labor.
Then, in 1861, Tsar Alexander II abolished serfdom. Nobles were compensated and serfs were given their own land. However, they soon understood the free life they imagined was not to be realized; their terms of freedom included a two year transitional period where they’d still be required to work on their previous master’s land, as well as a redemption tax that absorbed almost all of their income. To make matters worse, as the population rose, land plots became smaller, yet redemption taxes remained the same. Many serfs began renting the wealthy’s land again, perpetuating the labor system despite its official end. While serfs were technically free, the circumstances they were liberated under made the living conditions serfdom entailed continued. Furthermore, while landowners no longer had a completely free source of labor, they were still able to benefit from the after affects of serfdom, whether it was through renting land or investing in redemption taxes.
As time went on, the victims of the Russian labor system began to call for change. Through often violent rebellions, protests, and strikes, they made their plight known to the government. In response, a number of reforms took place. Local elected assemblies were installed and redemption taxes were alleviated. However, the manner in which these changes were carried out still did little to make a difference. While reform promised to better the lives of the people taken advantage of by serfdom, in actuality the level of poverty present saw little change.

Although the Russian labor system of serfdom was abolished and later reforms pledged the betterment of freed serfs’ lives, little changed between 1750 and 1914. While landowners continued generating income through the circumstances the abolishment of serfdom left behind, the serfs themselves continued to live in poverty. As time went on, Russia would continue to see the after affects of its labor system as popular discontent with monarchy led to an entirely new and disastrous form of government - communism.
</code></pre>

<p>Your thesis does not fully address the prompt. While it does refer to the magnitude part of the question, it does not discuss the actual changes. This may lead to a disorganized/off topic essay. While this may not be the case (stopped to comment here), it is generally in your best interest to, basically, add an “as can be evidenced through _<strong><em>, _</em></strong><em>, and _</em><strong>” statement, though possibly not in that form. Intertwining the ideas by stating something like “labor saw major changes in the realms of __</strong> and _<strong><em>, but generally remained traditional in _</em></strong>.”</p>

<p>And, as predicted, your organization is generally unsuccessful. You discuss multiple events, but in such a cluttered fashion that the information is detrimented. Rather than break it up as if you are telling a chronological story, do so by theme. As it stands, your essay lacks thorough analysis, or even sufficient analysis to be honest. It is simply a list of things that, I feel, was caused by poor organization from the poor thesis. </p>

<p>5/9</p>

<p>yeah, i was worried it didn’t address the prompt well. i usually don’t do the ccot’s in chronological order (although in my class it says you can do either way), but by event.</p>

<p>i think i mostly had trouble with this one because the prompt, which i’m pretty sure the curriculum made up and wasn’t an old one from a test, was stupid. there weren’t really changes in the labor system while it was in place, it was when the labor system was abolished that changes took place, yet discussing this is irrelevant. i was really just a bit confused by this one. </p>

<p>thanks, though, for being honest, it definitely helps!</p>

<p>i must say as a reader i would be impressed by the dates and factual information that you present although like vemane i agree you did not sufficiently answer the question. But my real question is- how long did that take you to write. Make sure you have enough time on the actual AP exam.</p>

<p>This was actually the first time I completed an ap essay in 40 minutes. Guess I just have to get used to focusing on the prompt and analyzing more information within the time frame!</p>