Can you grade my essay?^^

<p>Assignment: Do people make the greatest discoveries by exploring what is unfamiliar to them or by paying close attention to what seems unfamiliar?</p>

<p>Here is my essay:</p>

<p>It is common that people would always pay more attention to the things they are familiar with. Things people are familiar with are those they are preoccupation with and have a deep thinking. Day after day, they form a through and mature understanding on the issues and are able to make breakthroughs. Examples like John Nash and Coco Chanel testify that people make the greatest discoveries by paying close attention to what seems familiar.
John Nash has been a gifted young man who was fascinated in mathematics since he entered Princeton University. He was preoccupation with mathematics, hoping to create his original theory before he graduated. He thought about math formulas and numbers while he was wandering, eating, even napping in his dormitory. Eventually, he developed his original theory from permutation and combination of numbers. Unprecedentedly, Nash’s original theory, which is called The Game Theory now, has been a great discovery not only in mathematics, but also in other fields, say, in economy. The win-win concept The Game Theory provided is of great use in commercial trade. Because of the theory, Nash has been award the Noble Prize for Economy. However, when forming this theory, Nash himself didn’t consider the application in other fields. He just devoted to the mathematic, in which he majored. Just because of his devotion in his own field, he made such significant discovery.
Moreover, when talking about familiar things, it is not only the major or the field we belong to, but also the everyday life that cannot be closer to us. Life is full of covered surprises, waiting for us to uncover them.
Coco Chanel, the queen of fashion, is a woman who uncovered the surprise life given to her. As is known to all, she was once famous for her creation of applying men-wear clothes to women’s clothes. As a young tailor and singer living in poverty, she always dreamed of wearing unique and elegant clothes. One day, while she was staring at her French lover’s white shirt, she was shocked by a whim--- Why not use the design of men’s shirt to create a new form of women’s blouse? Then she turned the whimsical idea into actions and deeds. Shortly afterwards, the sailor jacket--- a man-like blouse with elegant collar, was born. Coco Chanel made a “great discovery” just inspired by the shirt she saw every day.
Indeed, everyone of us, in life, has been struck more than once by the familiar things around us. Instead of wondering interstellar travel and outerspace all day, why don’t we contemplate how the apple fall down the tree like Issac Newton did? Why don’t we reflect how to make things at hand more functional like the man who invented the pencil with an eraser at the top? Our familiar life and fields are never lack of unknown marvelousness, yet it is us that are frequently lack eyes for discovery. The greatest discoveries are just around us, waiting for our close attention and revelation.</p>

<p>I'll be really glad if someone can judge it. Just a few days left before my exams~
many thanks^^</p>

<p>4/6</p>

<p>Your argument is not very clear and you focus on details that are unrelated to your main point. Focus on making sure every paragraph ties back to your thesis.</p>

<p>On a side note, unprecedentedly is not a word.</p>