<p>Sentence: Or, if the listener is the right kind of student, the kind of student willing to meet the challenges accompanying complete control over their own education, their own future, then they will listen intently and slowly fall in love with Hampshire the way I have. </p>
<p>I will give you a cookie. Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>Try this....</p>
<p>If the listener is indeed the right kind of student, the kind willing to meet the challenges accompanying complete control over their education and their own future, then they will listen intently and slowly fall in love with Hampshire like I have. </p>
<p>Ahhh...I dunno</p>
<p>that sounds better. I think this sentence was screwed from the start. Thanks!!!</p>
<p>:)
10chahah</p>
<p>I would use craze's sentence but change the commas to em-dashes.</p>
<p>^^^ Agreed.</p>
<p>On the other hand, if the listener is the proper kind of student willing to meet the challenges accompanying complete control over their own education and future, they will listen intently and slowly fall in love with Hampshire the way that I have.</p>
<p>Would you guys use Craze's sentence with commas or collegejon's?</p>
<p>craze's. Although to get the "or" part in, it should read something like:</p>
<p>On the other hand, if the listener is indeed the right kind of student -- the kind willing to meet the challenges accompanying complete control over their education and their own future -- then they will listen intently and slowly fall in love with Hampshire like I have.</p>
<p>The first part of collegejon's statement is a bit convoluted and needs to be broken up/clarified.</p>
<p>Many thanks.</p>
<p>Another option maybe..</p>
<p>On the other hand, the listener could be the proper kind of student willing to meet the challenges accompanying complete control over their own education and future. In this case they would listen intently and slowly fall in love with Hampshire the way that I have.</p>
<p>Ehhh I like Craze's more. Starting a new sentence stymies the flow.</p>
<p>The part I have a problem with, collegejon, is this: </p>
<p>"the proper kind of student willing to meet the challenges"</p>
<p>Is there a wrong kind of student willing to meet the challenges? I'm sure there is, but I don't think the OP was differentiating between a right person and a wrong person, both of whom are willing to meet the challenges. Instead, I think the OP means that the proper kind of student is willing to meet the challenges while the improper student isn't. Craze's sentence makes that clear.</p>
<p>Also, the first sentence of collegejon's rephrasing just seems wordy to me, but that's personal taste, so take it or leave it as you will.</p>
<p>Yeah, thanks everyone, think I'm gonna go with collegejon. Would you say the pronoun-antecedent makes sense (student, they, their)?</p>
<p>change 'they' to 'he or she', their to 'his or her'</p>
<p>or u can go the other way and change to students</p>
<p>That's what I had, yeah, but someone else told me to change it because it sounded weird. I've always been terrible with pronoun-antecedent agreements. I guess I'll change it.</p>
<p>Or just pick "he" or "she". Using both sounds wordy and too politically correct IMO.</p>
<p>Well, I don't want to come off as misogynistic. What do the rest of you guys think?</p>
<p>Well, I don't like using he or she, but I'm not huge on being PC. Pick one or the other (or use "he" at times and "she" at times), or if you're worried that the people reading your essay will place emphasis on being PC, then make it plural. I personally like doing plural, but it doesn't always work for every sentence.</p>
<p>Well it's not an issue of being PC or not, it's the fact that I COULD either be talking to a boy or girl that makes me want to put he or she. How would I make it plural? I'd think that would sound awkward. Any suggestions? Or should I just use their-they.</p>