Can you please score my essay?

<p>Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Nowadays, reaching others’ private news is an easy task with social networks like Facebook, Tweeter or MySpace attracting more and more people. However, keeping some things private is indispensible to stay safe. To illustrate this point we will examine two cases.</p>

<p>First, we will consider the impact of “overused social networking” among teenagers. On the internet, these adolescents post private information that can be seen by almost everybody. Although privacy procedures exist, they are not always used adequately. Moreover, through this excessive confidence, people are deceived by stranger who ignore they are hurting others. This problem became more common and has lead in the past few years to a dramatic increase in the numbers of suicides and homicides.
Also, we shall mention the problem caused by violating celebrities’ privacy. Many people around the world are dedicated to follow their news, whether they were related to their work or to their personal life. We can find gossip segments almost on every TV channel, magazine or web page promoting defamatory propagandas.</p>

<p>In conclusion, we see that a lack of privacy can have detrimental effects on teenagers, celebrities as well as on each one of us. Hence, controlling media and social networks has to be taken seriously to limit the harm.</p>

<p>so anyone please?</p>

<p>I really think you didn’t get what they want. You have to support your thesis with 3/4 quality examples and somewhat develop them despite the little time you’ve got.
The conclusion should be striking and strong (maybe you can add some counter-examples, they’re very useful generally).
All clear? :)</p>

<p>please grade mine <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/991211-can-someoen-grade-my-sat-essay-ill-grade-back-just-ask-me.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/991211-can-someoen-grade-my-sat-essay-ill-grade-back-just-ask-me.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>any other?</p>

<p>length length length.</p>

<p>I’ve already given you my comment but if I should grade it I’d say it’s a 6/12. As benhpark has already said: length!</p>