Can't help but feel defeated...

Applying to College
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<p>"Well, I think I’ve come to terms that there are tons of people who are smarter, more talented, and just deserve to get into those schools more than I do. That’s how I feel anyway. "</p>

<p>So what, love what you have… there are always somebody better that the “best”, same for beauty…there are always somebody more “well” looking that the most “called” beautiful person.</p>

<p>Use your talents the best you can. </p>

<p>Something I have learned in my life is that rejection open new doors, new opportunities…sometimes not the best of all but good ones. Sometimes rejection takes you to different roads…the place you need to be.</p>

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<p>Ok so here’s the deal: you didn’t get into any top-ranked colleges.
And now, you feel defeated and are questioning your self worth.</p>

<p>I’m going to be brutally frank, because I think you need it: If you let rejections from admissions committees define who you are and how you feel about yourself - then you are average and you shouldn’t expect to get anywhere of consequence in life. A well-kept secret in life is that what makes extraordinary people extraordinary; is their refusal to let circumstances dictate who they are. Above-average folks don’t care if the sky falls on them - they’re going to do what they’re going to do and screw anyone who says they can’t. </p>

<p>If you don’t have that kind of fight in life, then I suggest you accept mediocrity right now.
Otherwise you can decide that this is the point in life where you stop being average.</p>

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<p>Let’s look at some numbers. Let’s say there are 5.8 million HS seniors in the US. If you are in the top 1% of that group, you are in the company of 57,999 others. If each Ivy accepts in the neighborhood of 2100 students, that means that 16,800 are admitted to an Ivy and 41,200 aren’t. So do those 41,200 students who are in the top 1% become average?</p>

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<p>The pessimism in this post is sickening.
So what if you don’t get into a top-tier school?
I would’ve gladly gone to my state flagship on a good scholarship in the honors program. No one would deny places like Chapel Hill, UMich, etc and their quality.
Although I got into UChicago, so I might have a different perspective, but still I got rejected left and right from Ivies and such.</p>

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<p>A 20 year old friend of my sons has an incurable disease and had to drop out of school and lives at home and can barely walk and is in pain most of the time.</p>

<p>A friend of mine was diagnosed with brain cancer and had surgery last week and can hardly form more that 5 words together. They are giving him 3 months to live, 6 if he takes Chemo, but with lower quality of life.</p>

<p>A family I know, the father died of a heart attack leaving a widow and 3 children.</p>

<p>A 18 year old I know was trying for Northwestern and Wash U…his father got laid off last year and money was so in flux he decided to apply just to one of the “average” schools in the community so he can live at home, thereby saving the family money. He is doing well and loving his life at college this year.</p>

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<p>It is not like going to a top tier school like an Ivy League is your only chance to become successful in life. And by the way, not all people who go to top tier schools end up being far superior to others. For example I know some people with degrees from Ivy Leagues who are teaching at community colleges!</p>

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<p>^^“I know some people with degrees from Ivy Leagues who are teaching at community colleges!” not that there’s anything wrong with that.</p>

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<p>I definitely know how you feel. I too applied to several reach schools, including ivies, and was rejected by all of them. I feel like all of my hard work in high school was for nothing. There is a certain ivy in particular that holds a special place in my heart. I basically worked for four years to get into this school, and when I was rejected, it stung. However, before I applied to colleges, I crafted a list of schools i know i would be happy at. So while I am not going to end up at my dream school, I am still going to a school that i know I will enjoy. Just because you and I did not get into our reach schools does not make us average. It just means that it wasn’t meant to be. I’m still upset about the decisions, and probably will hold some anger inside for some time, but I’m not not going to drown in my sorrows forever. I’m going to attend a wonderful university in the fall, immerse myself in my new life, and never look at back. I hope that you can do the same.</p>

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<p>^^</p>

<p>Try, “I know of people some people with degrees from Ivy Leagues who ended up drug-addicted and homeless.” Going to an Ivy =/= auto-success.</p>

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<p>You will often hear people say, when comforting those who were not accepted into their colleges of choice, that “college is what you make of it”. While that is a gross oversimplification and likely does nothing to take the sting out of “Ivy” rejections, there is a significant amount of truth in the statement. Whatever school you attend, once the first semester begins, it really no longer matters where you “could have” gone. What matters is applying yourself and getting the most benefit out of the school you did get into.</p>

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<p>edit wrong post</p>

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<p>I know someone who wanted to go to Harvard, but was rejected. She couldn’t afford her second choice school. She ended up having to live at home and go to her safety-- a 2nd tier public.</p>

<p>First semester, her mother, 52, dropped dead at work of an aneurysm. Second semester, her dad, 57, suddenly died in his sleep. Student was grateful to have spent their final months being in proximity to them.</p>

<p>She’s now in grad school at UVA, which has the top program in the country for her field.</p>

<p>I also know plenty of people who met the loves of their lives, professors who opened their minds to new possibilities, and lifelong friends at colleges that were far from their first choices.</p>

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<p>Hi-this hit a chord with me- I would like say that the “average person” that you are referring to was once my sister who today is a highly accomplished individual. In a nutshell, she was a late bloomer in her very competitive public high school, a little too late; overshot by applying to too many higher tier colleges, to get rejected by ALL of them. It was utterly humiliating and very emotionally draining for her. She got into ONE school…the one safety that according to her, “everyone” got into. She ended up going to that one state university but suffice to say her ego was severely bruised particularly since me, (her older sister) and my brother both went to very highly ranked universities. Undeterred however, once she got up and dusted herself off (2 years later) she earned a stellar 4.0, worked her buns off not only during the school year but during the summer as well, taking advantage of every SINGLE opportunity that came her way. Never gave up, worked, took advantage of internships and as luck would have it, took one with a professor who was teaching at Columbia. She ends up transferring to Columbia, goes onto to their dental program…and is now a highly successful orthodontist with a thriving practice in Manhattan and Connecticut. </p>

<p>Now, let me tell you upon getting all of those rejection letters, she felt LESS than average. She was at her all time low and never had felt so disappointed in herself, there were times she felt ready to throw in the towel and succumb to enrolling in the local community college. But, she knew she had it in her, and after realizing she just had to work hard in college, and claw her way back up which she did and then some, she eventually realized her dreams. She always had it in her. She never gave up. Right now you have hit a
“speed bump”. It might sound like a cliche, in your young and inexperienced life. I am a 50 year old mother of 3, trust me, this is nothing more than that…a speedbump. In the scheme of things…this will make you stronger than you can imagine. This will fuel you to work harder and to strive for the things you want. It will create that fire in your belly to achieve the things you so badly desire.</p>

<p>Don’t you think she looked at her friends who got into the schools she so badly wanted to attend with pea green envy? Of course she did! Those first few years were very difficult, she cringed every time someone asked where she went to school. But at the same time, it made her very very strong. I saw a will in her I didn’t know existed. I think to this day, that experience somewhat defined the kind of person that she became and that got her through dental school, and the person that is running a thriving practice, who is a concert level pianist, a mother of 2 great kids, a loving wife, a well read philosopher, I could go on and on…she is quite remarkable and the truly amazing thing is, that most of what she has done with her life…all happened after this experience. </p>

<p>So the moral here is, look at this as Gods way of giving you something “an experience” if you will, he knows you can handle, something he knows will help build you up as a person. There IS a reason this has happened, perhaps you are not ready to go to such a competitive school YET, but perhaps you will. I am sure you are going to go to college, right? Make the most of where you go, nothing is engraved in stone, work very hard…strive for the highest GPA that you can…your transfer possibilities increase tremendously when you send in transcripts with a high GPA. You will be amazed at the possibilities that lie ahead for you. I am a very spiritual person and I really do believe there are no mistakes in life, that things really do happen for a reason. </p>

<p>Best of luck to you…I hope you can reflect on this story and see that perhaps like my sister, its all in the timing and of course God’s will :)</p>

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<p>Just take advantage of the opportunities given to you-- That’s what college is all about.</p>

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<p>Wow this thread is interesting, mainly because i can sympathize with the OP. I, too, am a Class of 2014 applicant who was rejected by Stanford n a few Ivies and waitlisted at my LAC of choice. The only place that admitted me is Franklin & Marshall, which is at the bottom of my original list.</p>

<p>I went through pretty much the same emotions that OP had, mainly disappointment and anger at myself for not doing enough while I could, and now having to face the consequence of “settling” for F&M (b4 you guys go ballistic, I know F&M is a fine school. But my expectations were so so much more ><). Similar to him, I considered taking a gap year, or play the transfer game (though it would be exceedingly harder for a int’l who requires a full ride FA like me). </p>

<p>However, I must say this to SkeletalLamping: “not gaining an acceptance to Ivy” is no way the definition of “average”. Maybe you should get out of your room and plunge into the real world, and take a look for yourself how real, average lives are like.</p>

<p>A few of my classmates may not even gain admission to the local university. My landlord right now is a former gangster who made good and is currently trying to get a simple Diploma. Many of the waiters/waitresses at the bar I’m working at don’t even dream of going to college - most attended vocational school or simply worked after HS. </p>

<p>That’s what average is like. Life can be much, much harsher than you think. It’s a b**ch.</p>

<p>So please, don’t mope. I moped for a full day after my Ivies rejected me, but I’d moved on. Right now I’m doing my best to get off the waitlist, failing which, I would start to plan for the next admission cycle when I’d try to transfer from F&M to a top flight college. Even if I fail, I’d try the year after that. If that would fail too (God I hope not!), there’s still grad school. The key here is whatever happened was the past, and you would do yourself a HUGE favor if you can keep a level head, learn from the experience and use that knowledge to take charge of your future.</p>

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<p>^^^great post, Wipedoutmom!</p>

<p>OP, you asked “what was wrong” with you and while this is only a hunch, my answer is intended to assist you enjoy all your moments on earth.
The piece you may be “missing” that the adcoms caught could be a “lack of passion for learning.” My reasoning is this: you’ve repeatedly suggested that the “ends” (getting into the ivies") was more important than the enjoyment of learning. Sometimes, folks can just “smell” passion – or its lack. It’s hard to put a finger on.</p>

<p>There is nothing wrong with being ambitious or having goals, but the day those goals, or any “future” outcome becomes the sole rationale for doing something in your present moment, or “enjoyment” is always deferred to a “future outcome” your brain simply ISN’T going to be happy enough to be a source for true innovation.</p>

<p>Your brain needs to be happy to “light up.” And right now, I suspect you’re grieving – because you have suffered a perceived loss. And you haven’t yet developed the kind of connectedness and support system that you need to deal well with it.</p>

<p>So my suggestion is to immediately seek counseling and embark on a journey examining your strengths, and learn how to enjoy what you’re doing. Be good to yourself, above all. Whether you take a gap year or attend a “lesser” school does not matter – first invest in yourself, and find the ways to ignite, sustain and manage passion in whatever you do. Passion is contagious. There is just no reason to miss out. You have nothing but time.</p>

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<h1>1. Most people DON’T go to an ivy. It’s not because they’re “average,” it’s either because a/ their grades/SAT scores aren’t high enough, b/ their parents aren’t rich enough, c/ they just aren’t as genius as the other geniuses of the world.</h1>

<h1>2. You didn’t make it into an over the top college. Big deal! There are plenty good colleges out there in which you can learn how to do a job. They don’t have to be ivy’s. Maybe you WILL look at yourself as a stupid (better than average) person for the rest of your life. I pity you! I think you should lower your way too high expectations of yourself and start dreaming some realistic dreams.</h1>

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<p>An earlier poster suggested that a gap year might be a good experience for you, not for the “goodies” it might get you in terms of reapplication processes but because of its intrinsic growth opportunities. I, a mother of 2 successful college students and a faculty member at a tribal college in one of the most economically deprived communities in the nation, would like to heartily second that notion.
Learn how you can be above average as a human being by getting outside yourself and expanding your world view. You obviously have some talents and some self awareness. There are many things you can do that would help others even if you don’t earn brownie points for doing them. Go to your house of worship or library or United Way and look for volunteer opportunities. Americorp has been a good vehicle for some who wanted to volunteer and earn enough to live on.<br>
We all get hurt feelings in life. Mope around but then get over it and make them motivating for you. I work every day with students who overcome tremendous obstacles to succeed in a huge variety of ways. Be the change you wish to be.
I wish you the best of luck in discovering yourself.</p>

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<p>Unfortunately, the OP has not learned the lesson of picking teams on the playground.</p>

<p>There is a certain mentality out on the playground that you want to be picked for the “better” team because somehow that ensures your winning and validates you as a successfull (i.e. popular) person.</p>

<p>The people who view thier playground experience in terms of which team they were chosen for ultimately are all losers in the truest sense of sports regardless of their skill. This though says that how you are viewed is more imporant than what you do with the experience.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, those who take the approach of “hurry up and finish picking the darn teams, I want the game to start” generally are happier at the end of the game no matter which end of the score they are on. They are there to play the game and do their thing regardless of what others think and the result. They will improve themselves the most through their focus on participation rather than the drama surrounding their team.</p>

<p>If the OP focuses on the thought that s/he was picked for the “average” college as opposed to the “better” college as opposed to the education he can pursue through his/her own actions going forward, s/he is already losing the game before it starts.</p>

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<p>My brother graduated from “very average” Michigan State University and these days is hobnobbing with the governor of a certain midwestern state as part of his work. Not bad for graduating from a school seemingly known more for rioting after sporting events than for strong academics. The key is that once he hit the workforce he pushed himself and climbed the proverbial ladder. His work experience and accomplishments became the driving force for subsequent job offers and promotions, etc. He later picked up an advanced degree and is doing quite well these days. Certainly, “success” should encompass more than just salary and prestige, since no one wants to work for $100,000 doing something they hate (well, I’m sure some people do). There are many paths to finding success, and a lot of them don’t begin with an Ivy League education. Many actually begin at large, state schools :)</p>

<p>Good luck…you’ll be fine!</p>