I’m a first year student at a decent size school (30,000) kids, been here for about 3.5 months and I’m having a real hard time making any kind of friends. As you probably expected, in high school I had lots of good friends, was on the football team, and had a lot of fun with had a wide variety of friends. I then went to a school where I only know one kid, and I wasn’t even that good of friends with him anyhow. I’ve tried many different methods to make friends; I’ve tried talking comfortably to people in my classes, never works. I tried joining a fraternity, didn’t like what they did, how they acted, and wasn’t into Greek life all that much. I try going to social events, but everybody seems to click with somebody else or another group of people and I’m always tagging along.
I’m not sure what else to do. I have good social skills, I make eye contact, I dress well, I’m muscular, I truly listen to others, I find common interests, but nothing ever seems to work for me. A lot of the people I meet just want to party and don’t care at all about there classes and their futures. I’m very self-disciplined and always put my priorities first and make smart choices, which I believe is a reason why a lot of the people I meet don’t talk to me or invite me to parties, I might seem just too opposite to them and not as fun as they want me to be. Either way, I’m becoming depressed because I have no friends and I hate going about each day with no one to hang out with no matter how hard I try to just connect with people who are similar to me.
If anybody has any input please respond.
P.S. - I tell me parents about my situation and they just keep saying I’m being too judgmental and not social enough so please don’t tell me that because that’s not what is happening and I would appreciate another answer instead of basically being put down like that over and over.
Look for the quiet kids in classes and the dining hall. Try connecting with them by asking about an opinion on something from class or a professor. It sounds like you are approaching the popular, extroverted type people.
Religious student group or service groups. If you prefer to connect one on one to new people, you may have more luck when you get into the classes for your major. An interest group for your major is a good way to go. If you played football and enjoy other sports, try joining intramural team or find service group that does after school outreach.
How about looking into activities & clubs besides the frat? There are activities that require a pretty decent time commitment, which is a good way to get to know people. Student newspaper, theater (set building help is always needed), volunteering for larger campus events or regular things (my kid did something called Science Bus from her college that went out to area schools once a week and did science demos). Or get a part time job, which is a good way to meet more people.
Be patient and stay open to all kinds of people. Even people you might not have thought you were open to in the past. My kiddo…like you…was a little more mature freshman. She wasn’t into parties and cliques (though, she gave it all a try)…Greek life was a huge turn off. By total accident, she got invited to a movie night with some role playing game geeky folks from one of her study groups. In highschool, this would not have been her gig at all. But she figured she had nothing to lose, and gave it a try. Three years later, she’s part of a tight group of gamers who do all sorts of weird stuff together. Swing dancing, museums, movies, events on campus. There are other premed kids, some engineers, some art and music majors, a couple of math guys…an eclectic mix of nerdiness, brains, and creativity. It’s like walking into an episode of The Big Bang over there. But I’ve never seen her so happy. Turns out nerd culture was her tribe all along. You never know until you try. Never turn down an invite. Never make assumptions. Have a glorious adventure of trying it all. See where the lightning strikes.
@cstu75 It seems like that you would get along with my friend who’s just like you. He spends more time on the academic side rather than studying and partying. In fact, he never does anything for fun until he gets everything done to his standards.
Crazy enough, my parents actually agree with me on having a balance or work and fun. They want me to go out and have fun (no drinking, but just partying), but not forgetting to study and do my school work when needed. You can STILL party and get good grades. Just study regularly and keep up on your school work.
Another thing about the party scene at college: Some people just act like that at parties. They have a 2 day break from classes. They want to relax and have fun. But, they still care about school because of these questions:
Why did they get accepted at that college in the first place?
Why are they still there as an upperclassman if they’re into partying almost every weekend?
Overall, I’m not trying to force you into doing things that you’re not into, but my best advice is to:
Just keep trying and it will eventually happen. You should stay positive about this situation as well. Some people meet each other right away while others might wait for awhile, just like you. And the best part is: there’s nothing wrong with that.
A part time job is a great idea. Back in my day, I made tons of friends by working in the dining hall. The bonus was that they tended to be down to earth people.
I do appericiate all the feedback, feels good that people are giving their opinion. Personally, I like the Rugby idea the best because Im really good at aggressive contact sports like that and was thinking about doing that from the beginning, but I have to wait until next year to join. As for the other suggestions, I an doing ny very best to keep open and not turn down invites unless I have major academic priorities. I do appericiate all the feedback, shows that there is still hope. Ill keep this thread in mind.