<p>I don’t have a student applying for CBH or UFE this year, but I find these comments about applicants and their parents to be just as inappropriate as the behavior that is mentioned in the comments. Providing advice to applicants beforehand is one thing, but this is bad manners.</p>
<p>Mom2Twins and MommyDearest13, not sure if my D (current first year CBHer) met your students but she is a very big Dr. Who fan. In fact, she is guilty for converting at least one of her roommates this year. :)</p>
<p>Frankly, I don’t think it represents either program very well for current participants (or parents) from either program to discuss applicants or their parents in a public forum.</p>
<p>I find this forum to be extraordinarily helpful in getting deeper information about schools and programs. I suspect some parents may even be helped by stories highlighting bad behavior that they themselves never recognized as rude, or harmful to their child’s chances. As with all advice and comments on CC, you have to be your own filter. </p>
<p>Back on subject, my girls had 3 interviewers, one staff and 2 current CBHers. They said the actual interview was very short and relaxed. With such a brief interview, it seems clear that the casual interactions were also evaluations – hoping my very reserved D was able to communicate her interest in those interactions. The only negative I heard was that the mixer on Sunday was in a venue that felt too small and noisy to really hear each other well and mix freely. </p>
<p>MD13 – My DDs are in the same category as your son, not deposited anywhere and waiting for a couple of other decisions/visits to pull the trigger (I think I’ve seen you on the Pitt thread as well:-). Alabama will be very hard to beat after such a great showing. We found at our first visit as well that the Honors program does an exceptional job making these kids feel welcome and important, no small thing to an 18 yr-old!</p>
<p>Naming names would be inappropriate. Warning about bad behavior is not. This is a public forum offering public advice. ps Parents sometimes need reminding that their behavior/attitude is just as important as their students. No one is directly throwing anyone under the bus. Stating a fact is in no way jeopardizing the reputation of any programs. It has nothing to do with UA, but with visitors to the campus. Whom I highly doubt will end up there.
Ms. Manners–Please don’t chastise posters about their post. It’s bad manners.</p>
<p>If it is difficult for someone to accept criticism, I would say one shouldn’t hand it out. My comment was a direct response to your criticism of students (and their parents) who applied for these programs and may or may not be on this forum. I found the comments in poor taste.</p>
<p>No need for personal attacks.</p>
<p>For the record, when I commented on the lack of stories of misbehavior, I was not referencing phone or texting behavior (though I also find this rude). Rather I found it remarkable that in a group of such accomplished, confident kids my DDs did not encounter any braggarts, dominators, or know-it-alls. No one tried to turn the late-night hotel gathering into a party. I find that to be very positive as a parent, and my girls found their potential program-mates to be people they would like to get to know better.</p>
<p>Maybe those that wish could start a new thread about manners in CC forums. That would be lively to say the least:-)</p>
<p>But as an interested parent, I would love for this thread to remain a conversation about CBHP…</p>
<p>Me too, Mom2twins! I hope others will share their experiences. I have a feeling they will all be glowing reports! </p>
<p>I plan to report more as learn about the actual CBHP program. I found it very helpful reading the past threads…hope to pay it forward.</p>
<p>I chatted with my D last night. She indicated that she thoroughly enjoyed meeting the new candidates at the social events. She also interviewed 7 or 8 of the candidates and said all but 1, possibly 2, of them interviewed extremely well. Finally, her most enthusiastic comment was regarding the higher number of girls in the group. During my D’s interview year (2 years ago), I think there were less than 10 girls. She said the number this year was higher. Good Luck to everyone, and of course, Roll Tide!!!</p>
<p>Haven’t had time to post since we got back yesterday, but I second the glowing remarks that others shared re: CBHP. I was in Tuscaloosa with DS for CBHP, but I saw DS only when he woke me up to say “Goodnight! Had a great time!” as he headed to his room Sunday night and when he dropped bags off in my room Monday morning. He had a great time meeting the faculty, staff, CBHPers and the other finalists. He feels like he met some big brothers and sisters last weekend and has FB friended quite a few UFE/CBHP finalists he met, as well. Some of the students he met were children of college friends of mine, so that was fun for him, too. It was a great weekend all around.</p>
<p>As for writing “about other students”, I guess I missed the personal and offensive nature of it all. I took it as very helpful advice, sort of like the “what not to wear at Bama” thread. OOS students, in particular, would do well to heed the advice in these UFE/CBHP threads. The truth is that there are certain standards that are expected by those who are choosing this year’s class for UFE and CBHP that are not always rote behaviors outside of the South. For instance, at one of the meals, a professor proceeded to hold a lively discussion about the use of “Uh huh” and “yeah” in the South and the responses that are more customary there, particularly in formal settings. It was in response to… oops, I will simply say that there was a catalyst for this particular discussion. Should the students have been offended by this discussion? Do you wish that there had been a parent here who said ahead of time, “By the way, in the South, “Yes Ma’am/Sir” and “No Ma’am/Sir” are de rigueur, so your children might want to start practicing their responses now?” Does it really matter whether you are offended by either the parent’s advice post or the professor? No. Because that professor and the current fellows/CBHPers (can’t remember which dinner it was) at that table were making snap judgments about our children and their abilities to represent the university well in various settings, using criteria that OOS kids may not have even known existed. Their opinions of what is “appropriate” is all that matters as they are choosing this year’s class of leaders. UFE/CBHP students have opportunities to travel, lead and represent the University as some of its elite students. One of the reasons they put the finalists into various settings is to see what sorts of impressions they will leave as they travel and meet with those outside the classroom and, even, the University setting. </p>
<p>While I’m sure that students are selected each year despite their lack of knowledge of Southern etiquette norms, some students are at a disadvantage for not being prepared to handle cell phones properly, answer inquiries re: other college applications appropriately and, yes, for having parents who are difficult, rude and demanding. I, for one, appreciated the “heads up” we got here in the hours between UFE and CBHP to be mindful of “the little things.” So, while some may be offended by the examples given of students and parents who both did and did not represent themselves well, I took notes and went over them with my DS, as I’m sure some future parents will do, as well. ;)</p>
<p>There are certain expectations for potential “high visibility” students in CBH and UFE-like programs. They’re expected to greet adults with a handshake and a proper greeting. They’re expected to use very good eye contact and sit up straight. Very good grooming is also expected. Slang and other jargon often found in Urban Dictionary should be avoided in these settings.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, many of these tips aren’t just “known.” :(</p>
<p>Reading and sending texts is a “no no,” and should only be done very discreetly (like in the bathroom).</p>
<p>Do you really think that there is an expectation of such things at “Yes ma’am/Yes sir” when that is not the norm in most of the country? I always get the impression on this forum that UA is not THAT southern. I’m sure a lot of the staff is from AL, but I would have guessed that professors come from all over country. I always get complimented on how polite/respectful/gracious my kids are…it wouldn’t have occurred to me to prep my son to behave differently. I thought UA was trying to achieve geographical diversity…that is a big part of why he applied. I’m sure he would acclimate in short order, but not on his first visit!</p>
<p>mom2…funny that you bring up eye contact…one of the things my S said about the interview was how awkward it was trying to keep eye contact with 4 people…he had never been in that type of interview setting and wasn’t sure who to look at. Live and learn!</p>
<p>I think it is more about using “Yes” instead of “yeah” and not the “ma’am/sir” part.</p>
<p>When kids are raised with “ma’am/sir”, it just flows naturally. For kids who aren’t, but who make the point to say “yes” instead of “yeah” and maybe include names/titles in their responses occasionally, will still sound respectful and polite.</p>
<p>My kids were raised to address adults by Mr./Mrs./Dr., but even that seems less and less common. Most kids around here address adults by their first name. Drives me nuts when my D’s friends call me by my first name as if we’re buddies. The poor neighbor kids feel so awkward with the Mr./Mrs. thing, they just don’t address me by any name!</p>
<p>That’s funny, MommyDearest, and I understand. My kids went to a private school that was K-12. All those kids said “ma’m/sir” and used titles. The transition now has been interesting. Especially for my son who has graduated college, I think his friends should call us by our first names. They are adults now in every sense. But it is hard for some of them. </p>
<p>We know a young man who went to our school from K-12 and has now come back to teach in the middle school while he goes to grad school at night. I asked him recently what he calls the person who is head of our upper school, as he grew up being close friends with the man’s son. He said he doesn’t call him anything! If he calls him Mr. X, the man tells him to call him by his first name, but he just can’t get the name out of his mouth after growing up with him being Mr. X. So he doesn’t call him anything. Funny.</p>
<p>I grew up in Michigan so I wasn’t used to the Yes ma’m/sir thing when we first moved to Georgia. My kids however have been trained well by the teachers in public school…
they even use it when I am telling them something and I’m not in a good mood and I say do you understand? They dont say yes mom i understand . It’s yes ma’m I understand… The funniest thing though is in the south the ladies are called “Miss” then their first name. One of my neighbors name is Missy. So my kids call her “Miss Missy”. :)</p>
<p>I wouldn’t say that “yes ma’am” and “no sir,” are demanded. Certainly “yes,” is preferred to “yeah,” or “yep”.</p>
<p>I loved being “Miss Lisa” when we lived in Tennessee. Great compromise between the formality of Mrs. and the familiarity of first names. Plus my last name is horrendous and gets butchered by everyone, so I am happy not to use it if I don’t have to. :)</p>
<p>One of my girlfriends from the south even calls her mother in law “Miss Betty” LOL.</p>