<p>My graduating senior decided a month ago to change her intended major.
The problem is she applied to her schools with this major in mind and no longer wants to attend the school to which we deposited money.</p>
<p>She picked the school because of the major and not the school. She is thinking of going locally - either the community college or a local university branch - for a year and then transferring. Would that be better than attending this school for a year or semester and then transferring?
If she went locally she would live at home.</p>
<p>I have no direct experience in this situation, I’ll admit right up front. :)</p>
<p>My feeling is that kids should not be expected to select college majors before they’ve taken a single college class. There are SO many intellectual/academic areas that kids have no exposure to at all before college! In addition, there are subjects that are studied in a very different way in college than they are in high school, especially at higher levels. </p>
<p>My advice would be for your D to go to the college in question and take a broad selection of courses that interest her. She will then have a better idea what she might want to concentrate on studying in the future. </p>
<p>She may find that this college is fine after all, or she may indeed wish to transfer. But she will be doing so based on actual experience, not on what she imagines studying various subjects might be like. In addition, she will have the transition to college experience under her belt, so that when she does decide, she will be ready and able to focus on her goal. If that involves transferring, I would think that an applicant who can provide a reasoned case for why they want to transfer in would be more attractive.</p>
<p>It probably goes without saying that keeping her grades up next year will increase her options. </p>
<p>(The other thing that you might want to consider is whether this represents an attack of nerves over the pending departure from home more than second thoughts about the school itself…hugs to you and your D.)</p>
<p>Sounds like cold-feet, looking for excuses to me. Not unusual as a graduating high school senior looks at the end of life as she knows it in the comfort of home and having to face a unknown new challenge.</p>
<p>What’s the major? I don’t think the question can be answered without us knowing it, because it is one thing if a kid was going off to a LAC to major in classics and now has decided she wants to be an English major instead … and something very different if the intended major was a very specific, career-oriented major at a school focused on that, such as planning to major in architecture at the X School of Design, or music at Y Conservatory… and now wanting something that isn’t even offered a the original college.</p>
<p>OK, digging through old posts, I found one in another thread from JustAMomOf4 saying that her daughter was entering a service academy. If the “changed major” is a decision to opt out of the service academy and the commitment it entails – then the d. definitely should not go. I think when kids do not finish, they end up owing back tuition — so its not a commitment to be taken lightly.</p>
<p>Sorry wrong daughter - the one going to USMA is #3 - they are a year apart.
D#4 is graduating. Indended major was Nursing - now biomedical science or med. tech or human biology. Still medicine just not direct patient care.</p>
<p>So - new major the freshmen courses can do anywhere - Freshmen chem is freshman Chem.
Chosen school is perfect financially - after accepted students day she no longer wanted to attend.</p>
<p>I want to tell her if she doesn’t go to her committed school she can stay home and attend our very good community college.
She was also thinking of taking off a year.
She says she doesn’t want to move into a school and then transfer out right away - and would rather stay home.</p>
<p>It seems that her general focus stayed the same. Transferring after a year is not “right away”, and she might change her mind again by than, and decide to stay (and maybe even go into nursing - who knows?..). If she stays at home and goes to CC, she will also be transferring after a year, so why not give the original school a shot?</p>
<p>I think there’s too much about your daughter’s situation that total strangers can’t possibly know to give you any meaningful advice whatsoever.</p>
<p>Is it cold feet about nursing? Cold feet about leaving home? These are questions that we simply can’t know. All we can say is that cold feet right around high school graduation time is VERY common. Students are frightened by the prospect of their lives (as they know them) ending. Moving away from friends. Moving away from home. As a mother, you’ve got to try to sort through all that and figure out what is going on.</p>
<p>Cold feet was my first hunch–is she a little young? My son would have done anything rather than stay home, but he was 18 and a half. A friend’s D expressed some unreadiness to leave home, her parents nudged her out of the nest and she was home on medical leave before the first semester ended due to anxiety. She was on the younger side and just not ready. Nothing wrong with staying home and taking CC classes.</p>
<p>Yes, she is young - won’t be 18 until mid-August.
She has 3 older sisters who went away so this is not foreign to her, there is also a bf who is staying home and going to college locally. Being the youngest, she has lots of freedom, she doesn’t have to share a car with her sibs, has her own room and pretty much comes and goes as she pleases. (I know that sounds bad)</p>
<p>The end of April when everyone was making “the big decision” she said a bunch of seniors in independent study were talking about their choices and they were all excited - and she realized she just wasn’t excited.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure I am going to push her to go away to school. It is only 2 hours - not really far. She is on the waitlist (not looking hopeful) for a school that is 7 hours away and she insists she will go there if she gets accepted. </p>
<p>I guess what I am looking for is - come August, if she insists that she wants to go elsewhere, do I send her to this school knowing she will be applying to transfer? Or do I just keep her home and send her to the CC. I don’t know how it will look in transferring to say to another college - “I knew I wouldn’t like it where I am” whereas with a CC - a transfer is the ultimate goal of everyone.</p>
<p>Parentally, I am inclined to separate her from the bf by making her go away.<br>
There are advantages to the CC - financially (D2 will be in her last year in college) and it has a good reputation.</p>
<p>If she goes to her “original” school, a lot can change in a year, including her desire to transfer… But if she is adamantly against it, and CC is a better option financially - I don’t think “forcing” her to go to the original one would be a wise choice…</p>
<p>In any case, I’d strongly recommend not sharing your feelings about the boyfriend - that could backfire big time…</p>
<p>If it were me, I’d be inclined to call the bluff on the nursing and present her with information on enrolling in a different program at the school 2 hours away. That would, at the very least, start to flush the birds out of the bushes, so to speak.</p>
<p>We don’t talk about the bf - he is a very nice kid but he is more into her than she is into him <em>I think</em> - not that she isn’t into him. I do think he is somewhat pressuring her to stay here and go to school with him.
Another reason why I am inclined to send her away.<br>
If it wasn’t for the bf - I probalby would be ok having her go to the CC.</p>
<p>She signed up for orientation at school and changed her intended major from Nursing to Med. Tech. I pointed out they had a Med Tech program and she seemed somewhat surprised. lol.</p>
<p>Perhaps she wants me to <em>make</em> her go away to school. hmmmmmm</p>
<p>I think that it is your daughter’s choice but your finances. So it’s time for a sit down to clarify what you are willing to pay & when (which may impact a decision to take a gap year). Then I don’t think you should press the issue until the time for departure loom near – you’ve already paid the deposit and your d. signed up for orientation, so it doesn’t sound like she’s shut the door in any case. </p>
<p>Let your d. know what you think, but don’t “force” or “make” her do anything. Believe me, if your d. is used to a lot of freedom & coming and going when she pleases, she is not going to react nicely to “force” of any kind. I am NOT criticizing your parenting skills… my d. was the same way, I realized that it was a losing battle to fight her on the curfew at age 16 - she’s strong headed and does what she wants, but she is also extremely mature & self-sufficient. The point is that you can’t re-attach apron strings that have already been cut. </p>
<p>That being said, it sounds like your d. just wants to leave more than one avenue open – probably because of the bf and the waitlist, she doesn’t want to emotionally commit to college A at this point.</p>
Two months ago you “knew” she wanted nursing. Now you “know” she will transfer after one year if she heads off to school #1.</p>
<p>I don’t think you actually <em>know</em> anything about what will happen in these regards.</p>
<p>I agree with others who have said we don’t know enough to advise, and can’t - being Internet strangers - in a case like this. Cold feet and the boyfriend resonate as complicating factors with me. But all of us thinking that way could be well off the mark. Or not.</p>
<p>I do think you should realize that various manifestations of cold feet are not uncommon at this time of year - even if didn’t happen to your other kids (or mine, but I’ve seen it in others).</p>
<p>If she were mine, and looking to me for advice or willing to accept my guidance, I would encourage her to go away to the original school and see how it goes, how her interests develop. If it turns out not to have a major that works for her, she can transfer. Lots of kids transfer from 4-year schools; it won’t look odd. She doesn’t need the cc path to make the transfer idea work.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of your perspectives - I know now I am not crazy for sending her off to school!
Each of you had good points to make and for that I thank you - if she insists on transferring then so be it - for now we need to move forward somehow.</p>
<p>In our area (suburban to a relatively large city), incoming freshmen from any number of schools arrange “meet & greets” during the summer through Facebook. D went to a couple of them, and so had already met some of her freshmen classmates by the time she went to orientation in September. Some of these kids have become her closest friends.</p>
<p>Is it possible for your d to attend or even arrange something like this? There must be other local kids going to her chosen school. Once she meets other kids and sees that they don’t have two heads and could perhaps grow to be good friends, and sees that they may also have doubts about this major change in their lives, she may be more willing to give it a shot.</p>