Daughter wants to transfer

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi Parents - My daughter will be a sophomore at a small liberal arts school on the East Coast. She called in tears last night, realizing she is not interested in majoring in anything the school has to offer and is thinking of transferring.</p>

<p>She does not know what she would like to major in and feels quite lost. It's actually a good thing that she're realizing this now ... this coming semester she's registering for two dance classes and an anthropology class -- a total waste of $50,000 in tuition!</p>

<p>She searched for colleges initially based on her interest in studying foreign languages. After her first Italian class, she decided majoring in language was not for her. </p>

<p>I don't know how to guide her to find her passion. Do any parents have any ideas? She likes being in a very small lac near a small town. She is not interested in going to a large University or a city school. </p>

<p>HELP!!!</p>

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<p>In my mind, you have two basic options - keep her at the expensive LAC on the East Coast and hope that over the next year or two she "finds" herself and her major. I'm no expert, but there is probably at least a 50% chance she'll figure it out. However, if she's only takhng "two dance classes and an anthropology" class this fall, she's going to start falling behind on credits, falling behind on getting her general education and falling behind on getting started on all the requirements to finish up her (eventual) major - so plan for a 5th or 6th year worth of tuition costs at the LAC.</p>

<p>Or - you can withdraw her now from her college before the fall starts, get the majority of your tuition back, move her home, and have her enroll in a Community College for the next few years to finish her general education (first 2 years of general classes) and NOT have her transfer back into some LAC or other university until she is fairly certain (1st choice, fallback) on what she wants to major in. </p>

<p>Also, a gap year, followed by community college is a variation.</p>

<p>I don't think that just shuffling her from one LAC to another LAC will solve the problem.</p>

<p>Most colleges offer literally hundreds of majors - so her statement of "there are no majors" that she is interested in just doesn't ring very true (unless it is the rare college that offers like 15 majors - most offer MANY). </p>

<p>Also - I would not be interested in catering to an undecided daughter's "idea" that she doesn't want to go to a large Uni or city school... she's not even tried it yet! And she sounds very unmotivated about school in general... even if a student doesn't know what her major is eventually going to be - the student should sign up for a FULL course load that includes a mix of general education and a few options trying out some of the other majors available. </p>

<p>How many classes would be a full coarse load this fall? Let's assume she is NOT going to be a dance major - so are those two dance classes just fluff classes to fill time? If so, it sounds like your daughter is just coasting on 50K tuition killing time vs. going to college to actually get a degree.</p>

<p>Also - one doesn't have to love their major (it helps) - one can get a basic BA/BS in something that is enjoyable and flexible - like an English major. If she can't respond to that kind of reasoning, then have her come home (option 2 above).</p>

<p>Annika</p>

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<p>50K small LACs are supposed to have good academic counseling! Have her go to a dean or academic advisor ASAP (or when they get back from summer break); they've handled this situation before.</p>

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<p>Annika brings up some good points. To add to that, my initial reaction is to first look at the fact that your DD has signed up for ONLY 3 classes-2 of which are in one field of interest. Does she know how many courses must be completed to finish in 4 year? Will taking only 3 classes the first term allow her to finish in 4 years? Have her explain her reasoning for JUST 3 classes.
Other than stating she feels there are NO MAJORS that interest her at this LAC, what has prompted her to take classes in the same field? There may be some retrenchment on her part because she does not know what direction to go to next now that she no longer wants to major in languages. Or dance may be a physical outlet for her creativity, or may even be an interest she is afraid you "may not approve" of for a major. Ask her questions in ways to get her to open up even more. This exercise may be just what she needs to define what she wants to pursue academically.
My sense is it is not unusual for students to apply and get accepted to a college with one major, and find during the course of their studies that they really want to pursue an entirely different major. It is a great place to ask questions of oneself, and define ones identity. Support her through this process, and you will most likely have an even stronger bond as a result.
G'Luck! APOL-a mom</p>

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<p>This was one aspect of what happened to our daughter. She was also very sick, so that played a huge role, in addition to a few other things. She found out in April that she couldn't do her chosen major in four years and get certified to teach because of scheduling. Was upset and then thought she'd change to a different major, but hated the class choices in her major. Talked to an advisor and ultimately decided to come home to a CUNY until she makes a decision. We've learned to look very carefully at catalogs and course schedules before choosing a school. To say that she's not happy is not even in the ballpark.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the input. </p>

<p>APOL - I've let my daughter make her own decisions about choosing a college and a mjaor -- with the help of a college counselor. She's been through a lot of "emotional stuff" during the first year of school and I think she's still trying to figure a lot of "stuff" out. She's a late bloomer and I'm very overprotective and overinvolved. I'm trying to support and let her find her own way.</p>

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<p>English/math/philosophy/bio/history are all basic majors for kids who don't yet know what they want to do. Law schools/med schools are perfectly happy with these majors, and they can lead to many other avenues as well. Kids often don't know exactly what they want to do.</p>

<p>My D had the same experience -- wanted to major in classics and then just bombed in Ancient Greek -- I am talking about F bombing. Her dean worked with her to drop the class but she was left majorless. She discovered that she didn't like the methodology of any discipline so she chose American Studies because an interdisciplinary major has less theory. She has done well with it and will be applying to law schools this year. LSAT's in Oct.</p>

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<p>I can't see her applying to Law School, MYTHMOM, but I get your point. She may want to go go culinary school AFTER college and if she finds something else that she's interested in ... she can pursue it in grad school as well.</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

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<p>114rmr, The point that sticks out to me is that your daughter had a difficult first year in general, with some unhappiness/uneasiness unrelated to choosing a major. If she went back to sophomore year thinking all of those issues would be resolved, she probably got hit hard when she realized that not much had changed. Thus, the major decision may be taking on more importance than necessary because she's using it as a mechanism to avoid dealing with other issues. The fact that she wants to transfer, without really being able to voice how transferring would make things better, indicates to me that this probably has very little to do with choosing a major, and more with just wanting to escape the situation.</p>

<p>In short, this probably isn't about choosing a major, so much as it is about wanting to avoid issues in other areas of her life.</p>

<p>I would suggest that she see if she can get some counseling through the school to deal with those issues first, before worrying about the major. She should also talk to her advisor or dean of students about her unhappiness at the school, and see if she can come up with a plan to make things better for herself.</p>

<p>If the answer is no, then she needs to think carefully about what she wants from her NEXT college besides just transferring willy-nilly. She'll also need to think about how she might need to change in order to be happier at another school.</p>

<p>As a transfer, she won't have a ton of time to make up her mind about a major, so she should go over to the career center at her current school ASAP. They usually offer tests and other materials to help students identify their interests, strengths, and values that might be helpful.</p>

<p>I've found that a lot of kids have trouble making the commitment to a major because, through the eyes of a 19 or 20 year old, that commitment seems to imply that they will be "stuck" forever. This is especially true for kids who haven't yet figured out their own self-identity. It's important that, as parents, we step back and let them figure out as much as possible for themselves - we can't make the choice for them, we can't live the choice for them. It has to come from them. It's painful to watch, but usually it eventually works out.</p>

<p>So, encourage her to find other adults at school to talk to, and listen to her as she weighs her options, but try to separate your own feelings and understandable worries out from hers. Best of luck to your daughter.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
I am talking about F bombing.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I hope she wasn't doing too much of that, though I can understand her frustration. :)</p>

<p>I would try to talk to an advisor to get her a full load of classes in case she decides not to transfer. Unless she plans to be a dance major, I doubt she would be inspired in the classes she has chosen</p>

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<p>We visited over 20 small LACs and, while I didn't look at every catalog in depth, they mostly seemed to have pretty similar offerings for majors. I would wonder if she's expressing something else. I left college for awhile back in the '70s because I felt I had no direction and didn't want to build up debt when I had no idea where to focus. I worked for awhile as a Head Start teacher, decided teaching was not for me and went to nursing school, then later to grad school in psych. There is nothing wrong with taking a break to get more focused.</p>

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<p>My advice would be to not send her away to college this year, but have her either live at home and work fulltime while paying rent and paying for her own clothing, cell phone, car and similar expenses (so as she gets a somewhat realistic idea of the costs of living particularly without a college degree) or have her live at home while working part time and going to community college part time, and paying for the community college out of her earnings (This would help her take college more seriously).</p>

<p>All of this would help her also realize that she will need to make up her mind about what to do with her life, and she'll need to take on the responsibility of her own life. So, if she thought that she would just quit college and hang out at home while you support her, she would learn that she's now an adult, and would be expected to work for a living if not a fulltime student.</p>

<p>I don't see any problem with a student's taking time off from college if they are very unhappy and aren't taking advantage of the academics of being in college. However, I do think that they should be responsible for supporting themselves if they decide to stop being a fulltime student. Childhood is over. Time to man up and be an adult including taking the steps to find one's passion and general direction in life.</p>

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<p>I'll make an assumption the $50k per year is yours as opposed to some loan she might eventually pay off. That's a lot of money to spend for someone to wallow in indecision and slack off taking minimal classes. Also, if she doesn't have a clear plan (which might not be a major selection yet but at least a healthy spectrum of courses which will benefit most majors she'd eventually select), her 'not interested in going to a large university or city school' desires would go out the window if it was on my dime. If it's a loan she'll pay back, the outcome should be the same - not waste money 'killing time' at college at $50k per year.</p>

<p>She needs to have a reasonable (to warrant the $50k/year) strategy which should include taking enough classes to be applicable unit-wise and also to help expose her to different topics so she can find her interest area, or she could leave that college and go to a less expensive CC or to a state university that likely has far more majors available than where she's at (for fewer $$).</p>

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<p>Just one warning, but I'm sure you've thought of it: If she was planning to major in foreign languages but "after her first Italian class, she decided majoring in language was not for her," what's that about? Did she have a bad teacher? Was it a totally new language and not as easy as she expected? If this was her dream and her plan during HS, she shouldn't drop it because of one bad experience.</p>

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<p>It's typical for students to change their major at least twice in college, so her deciding not to major in a foreign language doesn't make her different than most students are once they experience classes in the area they plan to major in.</p>

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<p>Correction- My husband pointed out that our daughter is not only taking 3 classes -- he said she has a full courseload -- she is now just feeling it is "pointless"</p>

<p>CAROLYN - You are so insightful -- I appreciate your wise advice. It is so difficult for me to stand by and watch my only child struggle. My overinvolvement is probably part of her problem.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
My husband pointed out that our daughter is not only taking 3 classes -- he said she has a full courseload -- she is now just feeling it is "pointless"

[/quote]

I don't understand - how is 3 classes a full courseload?</p>

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<p>It can be a full courseload on a trimester calendar.</p>

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<p>kelsmom:</p>

<p>Wouldn't it be the minimum to be considered full time for a quarter type schedule? I'm just saying that the typical 'full schedule' for a semester is typically 5 courses and for a quarter 4 courses. Taking just 3 courses is basically taking the minimum to be considered a full time student. And the classes she is taking typically aren't exactly academically challenging which can be a limitation on the actual number one takes.</p>

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<p>I made a mistake -- she's taking four classes, not three!!! Thanks for all of your input.</p>