<p>Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?</p>
<p>The type of surroundings that bring me contentedness are the ones that are quiet, private, and where I can enjoy myself being alone and not be bothered by anyone. I would like to say that my own room is a place I enjoy myself in very much but sadly I don’t really have my own room. I share it with my brother and I can honestly I don’t like him in it with me. He’s my brother of course and I do love him but sharing a room with him no I don’t like it one bit at all. Sometimes when my brother is not in the room I find myself happier, I can breather better, I feel less nervous and anxious, I find I can relax better when he’s not in the room, and just generally I love it when it seems I got my own room when my brother is out somewhere. Back in elementary when it was recess time to go outside and play while the other kids would play with each other I would go out somewhere alone in the playground and just play by myself on the grass and by the some trees that were around area I would catch the teachers looking at me wondering what I was doing over there alone and far from the other kids one time I recall a teacher came up to me and asked me what was wrong and did I feel shy around the other children actually by then I had issues with my speech and so I didn’t know to respond to the teacher with my voice but in my mind I was answering no I like being and playing by myself I don’t mind and it’s fun watching the other children play and stuff. I did have shyness in me back then and still do sort of now but I don’t mind talking to people but I prefer my own company still.</p>
<p>please read and tell me your opinions on it and if im heading in the right direction with it! :)</p>
<p>He’s my brother of course and I do love him but sharing a room with him no I don’t like it one bit at all.
^ This is such a bad run-on sentence.</p>
<p>I can breather better
^ *breathe</p>
<p>when it seems I got my own room
^ Awful grammar</p>
<p>Back in elementary when it was recess time to go outside and play while the other kids would play with each other I would go out somewhere alone in the playground and just play by myself on the grass and by the some trees that were around area I would catch the teachers looking at me wondering what I was doing over there alone and far from the other kids one time I recall a teacher came up to me and asked me what was wrong and did I feel shy around the other children actually by then I had issues with my speech and so I didn’t know to respond to the teacher with my voice but in my mind I was answering no I like being and playing by myself I don’t mind and it’s fun watching the other children play and stuff.
^ How on earth is this all one sentence?
Example of how this should be structured:</p>
<p>“Back in elementary school, when it was time for recess, the other kids would play with each other; however, I would play by myself on the grass. I would catch the teachers looking at me from time to time, wondering if I was lonely playing by myself. One time, a teacher walked up to me and asked me what was wrong; did I feel shy around the other children? At that point in time, I had issues with my speech, so I did not respond verbally, but in my mind I assured the teacher that I found it peaceful to be on my own and enjoyed watching the other children play.”</p>
<p>The sentence you have now is a truly horrendous sentence. Not only does it have grammatical errors, a complete lack of commas or other necessary punctuation, and informal slang like “and stuff,” but it barely makes sense and adds almost nothing to your essay.</p>
<p>I did have shyness in me back then and still do sort of now but I don’t mind talking to people but I prefer my own company still.
^ There must be a better way to word this.</p>
<p>Overall, this essay just isn’t good. It’s informal to the point of sounding inarticulate; it’s clear that you haven’t edited it; parts of it just don’t make sense. Try again? :(</p>
<p>One other suggestion, now that I think of it.
Focus your topic more. Shyness and speech problems–what do they have to do with your topic, which is that your room is your happy place? I get that you’re trying to emphasize that solitude makes you feel happy, but you’re not trying to say that “alone on the playground” is your happy place. I’d write more about your actual topic (your room) instead of tangential anecdotes.</p>
<p>oh okay thanks!!! and yeah you get what im trying to write
The type of surroundings that bring me contentedness are the ones that are quiet, private, and where I can enjoy myself being alone and not be bothered by anyone. im trying to use this idea to fill my essay and complete it.</p>
<p>Your essay would show POSITIVE QUALITIES; I cannot stress that enough. Your essay describes you as a weird, shy, and awkward person. Overall 3/10 </p>
<p>Take bomerr’s advice and focus on different personal qualities.</p>
<p>No offense, but I think an essay that show someone as “a weird, shy, and awkward person” deserves a negative score. The point of the essay is to help you get into schools and this one seems like it will hurt you. Our grading scale needs to be adjusted to go below zero.</p>