What do you think about my personal statement?

Applying to College
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<p>The topic I chose is: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you? (250-650 words) </p>

<pre><code>I have been legally permitted to be on the road for a little over a year now. When I’m on my way to school, a friend’s house or the store, all my troubles completely vanish. The moment I sit down on the black, leather seat, the engine running and music playing, I enter into my own world. As unusual as it sounds, driving is where I feel perfectly content. It is the best remedy for me mentally.
As I’m driving, there will always be music playing; to make it fun, I like to sing and dance but I do so moderately. I am the same way at home in my room, but it’s not on the same level when I’m in the car. The fact that I can’t sing or dance, I laugh at myself, which adds on to the enjoyment. Of course, I am still aware of my surroundings and is cautious.
I prefer to drive alone because I can have all the fun I want without making passengers feel like they are in danger. When I drive family, instead of being relaxed, I tense up because I feel nervous and usually do something wrong like go up on a curb. It’s frustrating when they get yell at me for little mistakes and my reaction to that is to feel angry back. That’s why I wish they would just drive themselves. I loosen up when I take my friends because our fun is talking and they don’t get mad at me. I also don’t go over the limit.
Driving is a stress-reliever. I have felt angry, or anxious either because my mom was not happy with me or I wasn’t having a good morning. Once I am in the car, all of my negative emotions disappear temporarily. In a way, it’s healing. Upon arriving at my destination, my emotions have lessened and I’m calmer.
This is meaningful to me because this is where I am constantly happy and I love driving. This experience never gets dull and I always look forward to it. Even before getting my permit, I’ve always wanted to be able to drive just most teens would. I’m independent in that way where I can now take myself wherever and whenever, to be myself and enjoy life where it is uncommon.
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<p>Don’t post essays on threads.</p>

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<p>Sorry I don’t know how to work this website…</p>

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<p>Fullmetal isn’t saying you can’t; he’s saying it’s unwise due to plagiarism issues and such. </p>

<p>Honestly, the essay doesn’t really show me who you are. The last two sentences do, but that’s about it. If I was someone on the adcom, I’d go “This kid likes to drive, he’s independent, he’s hedonistic, he might be adventurous…but who is he? How does he think?” Now, I’m just a student, so take my advice with two grains of salt, but you might want to put more of your voice into the topic, as well as include so overarching metaphors. I mean, it’s about driving, so you could definitely extend a metaphor by making the essay seem like a journey, where you eventually realized who you were and your independence and your adventurousness etc. Also, I noticed quite a few grammatical issues/typos in there. It’s a fixer-upper, so don’t trash it, but do some serious revisions before you submit.</p>

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<p>maybe you should try to include how you’re driving at a certain pace and it helps you to think better and more rationally b/c the pace and your thoughts correlate. </p>

<p>like when you’re mad, you can get on a highway and drive freely and the anger goes away.</p>

<p>or you’re sad and you get on a busy road where everything seems frustrated or like such a rush yet it cools you down… because at a certain point, things keep moving, life doesn’t come to a stop.</p>

<p>idk i feel like i’m babbling, but hopefully you get the gist</p>

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