Child Support Issues

Parents Forum
21

Are the parents separated or just “separated”, i.e. no longer living together? In these informal arrangements (I know of a few) it’s not clear that the adults have sat down and unwound their finances, reviewed their tax situations, figured out health insurance, cash flow, life insurance, whether the beneficiaries on their IRA need to be changed, etc. One party just moves out with a bunch of garbage bags filled with clothes and towels on the backseat of the car, and the more affluent parent sends money to help support the kids (which actually means the household) from time to time.

The only thing that rocks this boat is one party who wants to remarry, or college financial aid. All of a sudden there is a flurry of activity.

Yes- if the lower income parent- here the mom- is the custodial parent, and the FAFSA has been correctly filed, then the eventual financial aid award is likely to be more generous than if the family were intact with a much larger income. But I’m not betting that these parents have communicated enough to each have a firm idea of the family’s financial situation other than the mom needs the dad’s checks to continue.

22

I might also add, if/when a spouse dies. If the couple is married but living apart, the estate laws don’t care. They are legally married. All the assets go to the surviving spouse if there’s no will. If there is a will, the spouse still gets a certain share of the assets (depending on the state, it could be between 1/3 and 1/2) regardless of what the decedent specified in the will. So, to the OP, if your dad wants you, not your mom, to inherit all his assets, he has to divorce her.

23

Your parents a “separated” but not legally so, it sounds like. More importantly there is no court order for child or spousal support it seems.

If there is no court order for child support (likely not if they are not legally separated) then a parent’s financial responsibility for a child ends at 18.

There may be a moral responsibility - but if your dad doesn’t want to pay you cannot force him to do so. If your dad wants to pay it directly to you - he has EVERY right to do so and you have EVERY right to use it towards your education.

It is your MOTHER’S responsibility to either get LEGALLY separated or divorced from your father. In either of those situations, she can try to get spousal support for HER support from your father. She cannot continue to take what apparently both sides agreed was a form of “child” support and try to transform that into spousal support.

Good luck!

24

How can your mom’s FAFSA EFC come to only $1k? Is she not reporting the child support payments your dad is making to her?

25

The mom’s EFC could only be $1k. She may not work/earn much so even with dad’s payments, her EFC could be $1k. That could mean an income of about $25k per year or less. If mom works minimum wage, and dad provides about $500 a month, then EFC could easily be that low.

@blossom is likely right about describing how these separations go. One spouse just moves out, but no one files for legal separation or divorce (likely because of cost or tax issues or not wanting the court involvement). The student indicated that the parents don’t communicate, which more sounds like Blossom’s description…“fed up” parent moves out, and just sends checks.

The mom obviously depends on those checks and somehow convinced herself that the child support should continue until age 23. Who knows why she thinks that. More likely, the mom just wants it to be true, so she has convinced herself that it is true.

Since many/most divorce attorneys allow for a “free consultation,” it would seem that your mom could get a quick answer if she were to just call a divorce attorney, state your age (which sounds like 19 or 20) and ask if she can get child support for you. Very likely, the answer would be “no,” unless you were handicapped or something that would require life-time support or something very unusual.

@gamergirl09 Do you have any younger siblings? If so, maybe that’s why your mom thinks your dad has to pay support for you until you’re 23. There is no law that says that. If you have younger siblings, then your dad could be ordered to pay for each child up to age 18 (or high school graduation), but as each child reaches 18, the amount he would have to pay would go down. For instance, if Dad pays $1000 a month for 2 children’s support, then once the older child reaches 18, he might only be ordered to pay $600 a month for the one remaining minor aged child. Does that make sense to you?

Seriously, if the mom has come to depend on the support checks, and really has no means to earn those extra dollars herself to make up for the loss, then she’s going to become very upset and angry if suddenly she will be losing several hundred dollars a month. That is likely why she is acting rather irrationally…you won’t be living there, she won’t be helping with college, so logically the money should go towards college expenses.

Don’t be surprised if mom demands that you continue to go to a college where you can commute from home.

26

Your mom is not being reasonable. Child support goes to you in this situation. Or call it something else. It is not legally enforceable child support (though it could be part of a formal agreement if they agree).Your Dad can just be seen as contributing to your education and living expenses at school, period.

In any case, the money is for you, not her. If your mom depends on this money for rent, she needs to move.

Your parents should see a mediator to get these things down in writing. They can formally separate (“legal separation”) if they don’t want to divorce.

If there is any reason you mom might deserve alimony, she can discuss it in mediation.

27

^^^
Very good advice.


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It is not legally enforceable child support (though it could be part of a formal agreement if they agree).Your Dad can just be seen as contributing to your education and living expenses at school, period. <<<

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this is very true. For that matter, since the student is about age 20, she can choose to live with her dad during campus breaks. Even if there had been a custodial decree (and there wasn’t), she’s over 18, she can live where she wants.

At this point, the dad’s money is like any other parent paying for college.

I agree that the student can recommend that her mom seek “spousal support” if that’s what she really needs. The fact that your mom expected the dad’s money to still go to her, YET she is unable to help with any college costs is just a clear message that she really thinks of that child support money as spousal support money.

28

Thank you for all of your replies and help. To answer some questions, no I do not have any younger siblings. All my siblings are out of college. When my other sibling was going to college (parents were still living together at the time) there was another problem where my mom filed as HoH on her taxes incorrectly and my brother’s financial aid was suspended until that was figured out. This is not the first time my parents have caused problems for us for school, so I’m not really surprised that it’s my turn.

According to FAFSA my mom’s efc is about $1000 without the child support reporting. I told my mom about this efc but she said that’s because they don’t know she has bills to pay.

You guys have made it clear to me that my dad has no obligation to pay my mom anything because they’re still married and there’s not court order but I can’t tell my mom this because she will think that I am taking my dad’s side and she “won’t be able to live” without the money. Quoted from her.

I have asked both of them several times to have a meeting together and talk about the finances but my dad refuses to be in the same room with my mom and my mom always says she’s not in the mood to talk about it. My mom also says that my dad should be a real father and pay for my tuition and send her the money on top of that. Also my dad doesn’t work, he makes 0 income. He’s retired.

I will try to have this conversation again with my mom and dad today with my new knowledge and see how it goes.

29

Your dad may not have earned income from a job…but he probably had a pension and maybe social security or other retirement earnings.

If he really had $0 income…he would not be in a position to help you with college…unless he had huge savings from which to draw.

At this point, is there any way you can go to college, and spend the vacations at your dad’s place?

30

See a lawyer. I’m not admitted to practice in Massachusetts and this is not the kind of work I do anyway, but there is a heck of a lot of false info in this thread. Mass law provides that a non-custodial parent may, under certain circumstances, be obligated to pay support for a child enrolled in college until that child is 23 years of age.

Call you local bar association and ask if there is a legal referral service and what the cost for an initial consultation would be. It’s usually pretty low. Go and find out what would happen in your situation.

31

@jonri under those special circumstances, would the money go to the CP or to the adult-aged child for college costs?

32

Jonri- the parents are married to each other.

33

Does the State of MA have legal separation?

It sounds like the parents won’t be getting divorced anytime soon.

Now that we’ve heard that the dad is retired, it makes more sense. It’s possible that if they were to get divorced, the pension would split in half immediately. By staying the way they are, he may get his entire check, and then he “shares” what he wants to share.

34

@jonri - Interesting. Would that be true if there is no custody order? As in this case - no divorce, no legal separation, no court involvement at all. Would a parent in a marriage be obligated to pay support to a college age kid? In Oregon we do have child support “for a child attending school.” But it would only apply when there is a custody/divorce situation.

35

<<<
Massachusetts courts do not issue judgments for legal separation. However, if spouses choose to separate without getting a divorce, a “judgment for separate support” is available for a spouse seeking spousal support and child support. Some spouses do not want to divorce for religious purposes, for tax purposes or for purposes of maintaining medical coverage on a spouse’s health insurance plan. If you or your spouse move out of the marital home with the intention of permanently living separately, it’s wise to consult an attorney to find out exactly what you may be entitled to after the separation, including alimony, custody and child support.


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I’m not an atty, but this would be my best guess…

If the mom or dad sought this “judgment for separate support,” since the “child” is over 18 and will be going “away to college,” any support that would be ordered, would be ordered in respect to the COA for college. It would not be ordered to solely go to the mom, who would then pay nothing towards college…which is what the mom wants to do.

I’m guessing that if support were ordered, it would be determined how many nights the “child” would be spending at the CP home, and how many nights the “child” would be spending away at college. If it’s a 30/70 split (home/college) then 70% of the support would go towards college COA.

Am I wrong for thinking this way?

36

Could go that way. In the state I practiced in child support for a child attending school could go directly to the child. If the child was home for the summer, for example, it could go to the custodial parent for that time. It could also be ordered from BOTH parents. It definitely raises very interesting issues for family law attorneys and for families about where are the limits of responsibility. A child of parents who are MARRIED couldn’t force the parents to pay for college (except in that weird case that was in the news recently.) Yet, a child of divorced parents may be able to move the court on her own behalf for the child support.

37

As an impartial observer, it seems to me that your Dad is right. If will not be living at home, there is not a reason to pay for “child support”. He wants to support his child and he wants to do that by paying tuition. That is reasonable.

Now your mom has been counting on that child support to support her and you and the house. Maybe she doesn’t need as big of a house now that you are gone. She doesn’t need to feed/buy you clothes/etc now.
At some point your mom has to realize that the child support money is going away…unless she has some kind of disability which makes it impossible to work she should be supplementing her income. She will have more time now that you are not at home.

To your dad you say: “Don’t tell mom, but I think it is reasonable for you to take the money you pay for child support and use it for tuition. But I want to let you know I am not going to be the go between anymore…it isn’t fair to me. I love you both and know you both want the best for me. Maybe it is time to talk to a counselor.”

To your mom you be more vague; "I know this is tough…we are all doing the best we can because the colleges assume parents will be paying for college to the best of their abilities. But I want to let you know I am not going to be the go between anymore…it isn’t fair to me. I love you both and know you both want the best for me. Maybe it is time to talk to a counselor. "

38

If MA is like NY, when separating legally, there must be an agreement over children (custody) and money (support and separation of assets). Otherwise the judge will deny.

Also, in NY, generally support is to age 23 or college grad, whichever is 1st.

Parents can agree on how to pay for college, or the agreement can be that neither pays for any, (though sometimes a judge will force it on wealthier couples).

Child support while kid at college can go for room and board only as it is for your physical support (house/food/medical). Any excess support goes to custodial parent to maintain the residence. It is not for tuition, which must be agreed separately.

I think you are being forced into the middle of two people, one of whom is afraid to divorce, probably bc she cannot afford an attorney, and one who has no interest in divorcing bc he may lose half of his assets. Why divide his retirement $ when he can just say…we’re still married.

She has accepted it bc the support was a proxy for spousal support. But now she needs to go get an order for. Spousal support and sep of assets or she will be stuck!

You need to just get away from it and enjoy your college experience!! Good luck!

39

^ I think it’s time for mom to talk to an attorney. Likely an atty will “set her straight” so that the mom can’t blame the DD for “giving her the bad news”.

I highly doubt any attorney is going to tell her that she can get full child support for an adult-aged child sent solely to “mom” to use as she wishes (none on child’s expenses), when the adult-aged-child is “going away” to college.

40

There are multiple issues here:

Your Dad has been providing support for YOU, but your Mom has been using that money to live on. In her mind, that money is hers by right. This is wrong. You are not a child, you are not disabled or requiring long-term special care, so there is no legal basis now for her to seek child support from your Dad - but even when you were a minor, that money was NOT for her to live on, it was for your expenses.

Your (married) parents have no obligation whatsoever to support you as an adult. Anything your Dad can provide you is bonus. Be grateful he is able to contribute. In that regard you are just like any student in an intact family.

However, your Mom might have a case to seek support for herself from your Dad. This is unrelated to you, your age, your college attendance, etc. This may be according to how dependent she is on him supporting her as his spouse, and for how long. If he has only been providing money specifically for your support, then she has a weak case, because she has been (personally) independent of his support for years. Spousal support/alimony is very different and legally distinguished from child support. If he has a pension or savings from when they were married, she may have a partial claim to that. If they were married more than 10 years, she has a right to collect a spousal Social Security benefit based on his retirement - and this would NOT reduce his Social Security benefits in any way.

Your Mom should talk to a lawyer, get a free consultation, and find out whether she has any case to seek support from your Dad for herself. It is very likely, though, that if he ends up ordered to pay anything to her in spousal support (or split his retirement savings or pension, if any), it will come out of the money he was expecting to provide to you.

I strongly disagree with the suggestion that you try to get your parents to talk to each other. That would only aggravate the intensity of the conflict. Even if she has a case for spousal support, he is unlikely to provide her anything without litigating, and that will both ratchet up the conflict and suck up any financial resources either of them might have. You should deal with each of them directly on your own, as if the other no longer exists.

Your Mom put herself in a bad situation by using your child support for herself, and now she wants to trade places so that you are the one in the bad situation.