So if the father pays the money to the student directly it would need to be declared on next year’s FAFSA as “money paid on your behalf.” Correct?
I would think–although someone will correct me if I am wrong–that if the money is given directly to OP, then that is declared as student income on FAFSA. If dad’s money is paid directly to the college, that would be “money paid on your behalf.”
Parental support is not income.
I just went through it in NY. Support is until 21, not 23. You also can’t waive child support from the other parent. I opted for my ex not to have to pay child support, but the divorce was denied because of it. As my youngest was few months from turning 21, we waited until she turned 21 to re-file.
OP’s mom should file for divorce or separation so she could be entitled to the H’s retirement money. At this time, she is getting short changed by only receiving what the H wants to give her, when she is really entitled to half of the retirement money (IRA, 401K).
I think OP’s mother’s outside sought guidance, along with her friends and family should be guiding the mom on her marital and financial issues.
The OP needs to be concerned about how she is going to get through school, and dad is the holder of the $$. Yes he chose to live separately and pay for a second place to live (although that may not be so straightforward either - perhaps the mom wanted her H to move out or they agree to get along better under two roofs).
Dad cannot push the $$ issue off by being circular about things (I give your mother enough $$) - no, if he wants to help support the college for OP, then he needs to do so directly with her.
Until either the mom or the dad decide to seek legal advice or decide to file for divorce - people have to make these decisions.
OP hopefully can stay out of the middle of the parents as much as possible. Deal with each one-on-one.
OP - Could you move in with dad so he becomes your custodial parent for the FAFSA? Would that help at all?
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move in with dad
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@happymomof1 I don’t think FAFSA is the issue. And likely, since mom earns a low income, then likely filing with mom gets her some Pell grant money. Dad likely earns too much or has too much in savings.
The mom needs to understand that “child support” is to support the child…period. CS isn’t money for “mom to live on”. Frankly, since this couple is separated, and never got any court involvement, much of this doesn’t make a lot of sense. Technically, the mom should have probably received “spouse support” if the dad’s income was high enough.
It just sounds like the dad got fed up with the mom, he moved out, he figured that $XXX amount per month is enough to feed/clothe his child, he and/or she doesn’t have the money or doesn’t want to “waste” the money on attorneys, to file for divorce. The dad may be “holding all the cards” financially, and the mom has no means to retain an attorney. I’ve seen this happen before. The mom can’t pay her small EFC, so where’s she going to get , say $5000, for the initial retainer of an attorney?
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However, your Mom might have a case to seek support for herself from your Dad. This is unrelated to you, your age, your college attendance, etc. This may be according to how dependent she is on him supporting her as his spouse, and for how long. If he has only been providing money specifically for your support, then she has a weak case, because she has been (personally) independent of his support for years. Spousal support/alimony is very different and legally distinguished from child support. If he has a pension or savings from when they were married, she may have a partial claim to that. If they were married more than 10 years, she has a right to collect a spousal Social Security benefit based on his retirement - and this would NOT reduce his Social Security benefits in any way.
Your Mom should talk to a lawyer, get a free consultation, and find out whether she has any case to seek support from your Dad for herself. It is very likely, though, that if he ends up ordered to pay anything to her in spousal support (or split his retirement savings or pension, if any), it will come out of the money he was expecting to provide to you.
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This is very likely true.
At minimum, if they have been married long enough, OP’s mom should be getting 50% of dad’s retirement money. It appears dad is living off the retirement money now, mom is correct in thinking the money he is giving for “child support” is money for her to live on too.
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OP’s mom should be getting 50% of dad’s retirement money.
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I think this is why the dad hasn’t pursued anything legal. We don’t know if he is getting a pension. He may be too young to get that yet. If there is a 401k, then he’s not seeking anything legal so he doesn’t have to split that. If he’s living off his 401k…???
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Also my dad doesn’t work, he makes 0 income. He’s retired.
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Unless your dad is living off his 401k, your dad has some income from SOMETHING…pension or disability or ?? Your dad wouldn’t be paying your mom child support if he had no money from somewhere.
We don’t know if he has a pension, we don’t know if he’s old enough to be retired (may have been forced or disabled).
I don’t know how the laws work when one parent is old enough to receive a pension, and one parent is young enough to be working. In a divorce, is the pension split in a way that the older parent get half, while the younger parent get half AND whatever income she is earning? or is there some kind of “fair split” where they both end up with the same income? or what?
What if the dad is getting disability and the mom is working. Is the disability “marital income”?
There is no such thing as a custodial parent of an adult who does not require special care. Residing with a parent is NOT the same as the parent having custody of you.
The question of not being able to waive support in divorce in NY doesn’t apply here for at least two reasons: there is no divorce, and they are not in NY. If they were to divorce now, they would have to admit to the court that they do not have any minor children, and that child custody and child support are therefore not issues the court would have before it.
Child support is not backdated to separation. It is only backdated to the filing date of the support suit. If Mom never filed a Child Support lawsuit, she cannot retroactively do so.
Dad might be able to claim the OP as his dependent on his tax returns, according to how much support she receives from each parent. This includes support of all kinds, not just cash. For example, if he provides her her own room in his home, then the support value of that is his rent/mortgage cost divided by the number of occupants of the home (including OP).
Mom does not automatically get half (or any) of Dad’s retirement savings or pension (if any). It depends on many factors, such as when he acquired them and how long they were married and whether she worked during the marriage and saved anything for her own retirement. She might be better off with another deal, based on remaining legally married. She must consult an attorney, this varies widely both by circumstances and from state to state.
Mom DOES automatically have a claim to a spousal Social Security retirement benefit IF they were married at least ten years. This does NOT affect Dad’s SS in any way! This, at least, Mom does not need to wait to speak to a lawyer about, she should do right away. I don’t think she even needs to disclose it to Dad.
OP lives in Mass. Someone upstream posted that the divorce law in Mass is similar to NY when it comes to child support. A different poster then mentioned NY child support is to 23. I then corrected the person that it is to 21 in NY, not 23. I think @FCCDAD should read all posts. There is a whole chain of conversation going on here.
We are all very well aware there is no divorce, hence no divorce law applies here. Some posters (like me) are saying the mom should pursue divorce if she want to get what’s due to her.
As far as what kind of split when it comes to 401K or pension, it really depends. But without additional information, it is fair to assume the mom should be able to get around 50%, especially since she does not have a good income (probably none).
I think OP also mentioned that the parents were still married when OP’s older siblings were in college, so I think we can safely assume the parents have been married for more than 10 years. It would be hard for me to believe that she wouldn’t be entitled to his 401K or retirement money.
Yes, pardon the error. It is 21 in NY.
And I agree foremost that while your mom has other options for support, you just need to focus on school. Don’t get involved (as little as you can). This is not your fight and you have your own focus!! Good luck!!
When did your parents move from Canada to the US? Did they move together? Did you attend high school n Canada or US?
^^^Where are you going with those questions?
^^^^ from reading other threads, those things are not clear to me. Hard to give accurate advice with confusing information
Sorry that I have been pretty inactive, I had a Calculus 2 summer class that was really time consuming and it has just ended. I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been helping me, I really appreciate it.
Now to answer some questions my dad is about 61, I don’t know where he gets his money but I know he has no job. Also, I would NOT like to move in with my dad because I have tried that before and my mom just started bawling and felt betrayed so I won’t do it. Also it is against our culture to divorce, that is why they haven’t.
I have attempted to have the talk with my mom like I said I would and it really didn’t go too well. My mom said that my dad should just send her the money and then she will send it to me monthly when I am in school ( I don’t really understand the point of this and it doesn’t sound very reliable to me ). She also disagreed to the idea of him just sending her money for the summers. She completely shut it down. She wants to be paid monthly even when I am in school.
It was very frustrating and I actually started crying because I didn’t know what I was going to do…
However, yesterday I got my grade posted for my summer class and I told my dad and he was super happy for me so what he said was that he would pay the rest of my bill for me with a payment plan and then he will give the remaining money to my mom monthly ($100/month) but have her pay for books and necessities, etc. When my mother gets home from work I will tell her about this plan and see what she says. I’m hoping everything goes well!
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been helping me, I really appreciate it.
P.S emeraldkitty, that post was on behalf of someone else sorry for the confusion.
But some the OP’s expenses is to pay for her share of the housing…which the mom is now depending on.
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However, yesterday I got my grade posted for my summer class and I told my dad and he was super happy for me so what he said was that he would pay the rest of my bill for me with a payment plan and then he will give the remaining money to my mom monthly ($100/month) but have her pay for books and necessities, etc. When my mother gets home from work I will tell her about this plan and see what she says. I’m hoping everything goes well!
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Well, I can guess that that won’t go well.
I suggest that when you tell dad, you let her know that your dad is insisting on this way and you have no choice about it. You need to remove yourself from becoming the target of your mom’s accusations that you’re “taking dad’s side”. You need to stand with the position that you don’t have a say in the matter. Your dad is going to pay the school, then dad is going to pay her $100, and so forth.
The idea of your mom “shutting any ideas” down is really irrelevant. You have no control of your dad’s decisions. That’s like her shutting down the idea that it’s going to rain tomorrow.
For fafsa purposes there most definitely IS a custodial parent if the parents are separated or divorced. It is usually the parent with whom the child spent most time living with for the year prior to the fafsa filing date. If the student has not lived with either parent, then the parent the student most recently resided with is the custodial parent. If the student lives equally with both parents, then the parent who provides most support is the custodial parent.
Those are the fafsa rules.
This is not perhaps consistent with “custody” of over 18 year olds per divorce decree, or for tax purposes.
I think that person is responding to the issue of the parents filing for divorce now. The courts wouldn’t be assigning a “custodial parent” in this case. But, @thumper1 is right. For FAFSA purposes, if the student spends most nights with one parent, that parent is the custodial parent. This is for FAFSA.
The whole thing about “parents not filing for divorce because of cultural reasons,” is likely going to bite the mom in the fanny some day. If the dad has accumulated a pension or 401k, and he has sole control of it because there has been no divorce, then the mom will likely be cheated out of her “fair share” of those assets.
I don’t know what culture the OP comes from, but maybe that culture has something in place for circumstances like this.
I don’t think the mom should hold onto “culture” as a reason to place herself into financial jeopardy. The longer she waits, the more time her H has to spend down those accounts. I don’t think she can clawback that money.
What’s going on is the dad is retired with sole access to his 401k and/or pension money…while the mom is being essentially being cut-off from access.
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Now to answer some questions my dad is about 61, I don't know where he gets his money but I know he has no job.
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Well, depending on the job he had, and disability situation, he may have had enough years in with his company to retire early, and begin collecting now. My H is 60, he’s retired and is getting his full pension. Your dad is getting money from somewhere, so likely he’s getting it from a similar situation.
oops…my words in an above post should say:
I suggest that when you tell **MOM **, you let her know that your dad is insisting on this way and you have no choice about it. You need to remove yourself from becoming the target of your mom’s accusations that you’re “taking dad’s side”. You need to stand with the position that you don’t have a say in the matter. Your dad is going to pay the school, then dad is going to pay her $100, and so forth.
Your position with your mom needs to be: It’s out of my hands.
If your mom continues to claim that you should be able to “force” your dad to do what SHE wants, point out to her that you aren’t able to do that just like she wasn’t able to do that.